Dear Bagel…
As I got on the tube at LB’s local stop, I must confess I was feeling a little smug. “That’s what you get when you drop Tottenham players, Mr. McClaren,” were my thoughts as I picked up a copy of Metro to bathe in vindication on Robbo’s behalf. But the minute I saw the pictures, I knew I couldn’t do it. Etched on the faces of McClaren, Carson and every player in every photo were the obliterated hopes and shattered dreams I know so well and so personally from the Hand of God to the square shaped posts, from Owen’s wonder goal to Beckham’s red card and every penalty shoot out that England ever lost.
But what really did it for me was a letter I chanced upon amongst the sack-fulls of fan mail waiting for me back at the Bakery and this is how it goes…
Dear Bagel,
I can’t stop supporting England and I’m too embarrassed to talk to my doctor about it. It’s got so bad, i don’t think I’m able to go on being a fan.
I’m 29, have a good job, and am known for my loyalty, but a major spat with England last night makes me think that it may now be all over.
A month ago, things were looking good for us and I thought I would spice up our relationship by buying some tickets for a football game so we could spend some quality time together. But, it was a total nightmare. The date started terribly, and by half-time I was ready to leave.
England wasn’t listening to anything i said, acting crazy, bewildered, like a child sulking under an umbrella. It made me physically sick with worry.
I could see other people looking at England and saying spiteful, terrible things so England could hear. The time was when I would have stuck up for England and shouted insults back, but now i wonder if these people have a point.
The second half of the date things improved amazingly, and for about 20 minutes England was like how our relationship was at our best. But then, England suddenly turned against me, lost all passion, told me they were sorry, and left me sitting in the rain listening to another foreign couple’s relationship blossoming - a relationship full of life and joy and celebration. I was jealous.
I can’t tell my family about my relationship breakdown with England. They wouldn’t understand. I’d end it all if it wasn’t for the fact that maybe England will change. But I hear people say that all the time about abusive relationships, and they never do change.
I use to have confidence in our relationship, but after last night I just don’t think I can trust England again. I seem to always be the one suffering from unrequited love.
Dear Anon,
It’s clear that you love England very much and it may well be that England loves you to. But the awful truth about abusive relationships is that the love is the very thing that destroys them.
It was noble a gesture to go on the date to begin with, when you had all but given up on England, but as you put it yourself, it’s the memory of England that you’re still in love with and it’s your faith in this love that tortures you and keeps you hanging on.
From what you have told me, you have done everything right. You have nothing to be ashamed of. It’s just that right now, England is not capable of loving you back and you must accept that it is a very different, very damaged England that you live with now.
For your own safety, as much as anything else, I advise a trial separation. You need time to recover and England needs time to get the help it needs.
When you feel up to it, you should start seeing other teams; perhaps your local club and who knows, one day when England has a new ethos, new impetus and new sense of self-belief, it may be ready for your love and be able to treat you with the respect that you deserve.
The Bagel.
November 23rd, 2007 at 10:11 am
Agony Aunt? Agony Bagel!!
November 26th, 2007 at 12:15 pm
I’m confused, someone help me out.
Gus Poyet: “I think we did enough to win it. We are a little bit disappointed but that is football. We are still unbeaten and we have to keep going.”
How, exactly, are you still unbeaten when you have lost 6 of the 14 games you have played ?
November 26th, 2007 at 12:31 pm
under Ramos.
that was hard to figure out…….
November 26th, 2007 at 1:02 pm
He is using the Ramos We
November 26th, 2007 at 1:52 pm
As long as he’s not drinking it.
The Bagel.
November 26th, 2007 at 3:02 pm
Urrrrrggghh!
November 26th, 2007 at 4:54 pm
My bad about the quote, oops.
Anyway, another great result. Fending off relegation quite nicely now, in fact you are points clear - well 2 points clear.
Still, it’s early days and no doubt you can expect to return to the usual mid table mediocrity fairly soon. I wonder if Ramos will get the same £40M that Jol was given ? That’ll mean spending £80M to maintain a mid table status.
Good work.
November 26th, 2007 at 7:35 pm
I can’t quite understand the whole reasoning behind the ‘Oooh you’ve spent ‘n’ million this year so you should be achieving…’ what exactly? it’s not as if money is tight or not available, and it’s certainly the case that all players are becoming more expensive. Christ, every team is making £40M+ from TV money alone this season, which has obviously affected the market. I would think that, as an investment banker, WHS would understand better than most the need to keep your money moving and speculate based on the current market conditions. It’s what every club does whether the outlay is on players or stadium (the arse included, despite the oft repeated fallacy that all their recent success is based on ‘youth’ players that didn’t cost anything, and all their money went on the new effeminates stadium).
November 27th, 2007 at 10:51 am
Speculate on current market conditions - yep that would be correct philosophy, however, your speculated £40M 3 months ago, and now you are going to speculate £XXM during the january window, how will you realise the rewards of these speculations ?
Of course the wages for these superstars needs servicing, payoff’s for recently unconvincing managers need paying. All in all this adds up to planet fulls of cash, which is paid for by you.
Interesting comment in todays Times: Levy said that if results dont improve then Damien Comolli will carry the can.
Another body swerve from the elusive Levy.
Hahahahaha