Beef Bagel

Bagels and gentlemen, this represents the last of the mid-night posts. Yes, this is my last night shift. New job and new sleep patterns as of Monday - at bloody last - and naturally a whole new Beef Bagel routine. Not sure how all the timing’s going happen. I’ve a feeling I’m actually expected to work at work in this next position, so I’ve been playing as much poker and as many internet games as possible this evening between Cheshire Cat grins and insulting all the people I’ve disliked over this last four months. Yes, I think we can safely say The Bagel has burnt his bridges.

Ok, I know what you’re saying to yourselves; I know, you don’t have to tell me. I can feel it in the sweat of your mouse clicking fingers. The question you’re asking is “How long before he mentions it? It’s got to be first on his list of transfer rumours,” and you’re right, of course it is. I know it’s a little on the hopeful side but yes, I’ve read the stories and I’m just as excited as you are. Ladies and gentlemen we may be getting rid of Younes Kaboul this summer.

Yes, it appears that Claudio Ranieri has finally lost his last marble and has made our ninth choice centre half one of his main targets for the summer. The poor saps over in Turin probably think they’re getting some kind of bargain at £5m and to be fair that’s entirely possible; just a little unlikely. Sure, the kid’s what, 19? Let me just check…..shit, no he’s 22. I suppose defenders do take a little while to develop. It’s just that Younes has, so far, not. At all. And all I can think about is the comments I read on the Auxerre forums when we took him off their hands for a cool eight mill. They were like the footballing version of the knights in the Holy Grail laughing at us English bed-wetting types.

Younes may turn out to be a good player. He has skill on the ball, definite ability but there’s nothing more dangerous than a centre-half who thinks he’s good enough to play further up the pitch, at least until someone tempers that talent of his and with Woody, Ledders, Safety First and even the long lost Dorian Dervitte ahead in the pecking order, if reserve reports are to be believed, Kaboul probably isn’t going to have the space to do that with us, unless he’s happy to do it on his own, very quietly in a corner of the training field with a pointy hat on. I’ll take the £3m hit if it means adding an extra five to the summer purse.

But seriously folks, the big and, unfortunately, semi-laughable story of the hour is the news that we may just be in for Ronald-Mcdinho. Now, I know a lot of you may not of heard of this shy and retiring footballer, so here’s his head…

…playing charades, and apparently it’s a film.

Ronaldo de Assís Moreira, as he is properly known, is 28 years old as of one week ago (send him a card) and measures up at just 1cm short of six foot tall. Hard to say what his best position is but as long as he’s on the pitch you’re probably ok. Giving you a clip show of what he can do seems more than a little redundant. I’ve been mesmerized just trying to pick one. I’ve just lost about an hour to youtube in the process but I suppose this one’s as good as any other…

…maybe he’s not cutting the mustard for Frank Rijkaard just now, maybe he’s lost a little of his edge and, ridiculous as it sounds, maybe he’s just been found out to some degree by other teams but as far as Barca are concerned ‘Dinho is “off the boil” and like the scum with Henry, maybe it’s time to cash him in. So, anyone got the £85m for his buy out clause? Hang on, let me just have a check down the back of my sofa.

As it goes it may cost as little as £12m according to the Sun but that still sounds like a bargain to The Bagel. Ronny’s not getting a start at Barca behind all manner of Messi’s and Gio’s and one can only suppose that the Brazilian’s wages must be costing them a fair whack on top of this alleged bad attitude - more likely a touch of depression I would have thought.

So, the big question is why us? How have we been connected to him and why on earth would he come to our cold, rainy corner of North-East London. It’s all because of this:

“Ronaldinho would fit into Spurs in every respect. The truly great players fit into any team, including Tottenham,” so says Juan Juande Ramos.

“Good results have helped people to trust our methods. We’ve proved we are moving in the right direction.”

So we are but that’d be some kind of major coup. I was blown away when MJ managed to bring Davids to the Lane but Ronaldinho? I’d be in Lilywhite and blue Yiddo heaven, where Bill Nicholson sits high on the clouds, Darkie and at his side and Danny Blanchflower at the Pearly gates. Firstly, I seriously doubt Ronaldinho will come to the Premiership. Too cold, too English, too far from his life in Spain. But secondly, he’ll go to Chelsea or arsenal or Man U or even City before us. Sure, Ramos is Spanish, maybe he’s best buddies with the Good Gilberto, maybe he knows we play his kind of football, maybe he just wants a 100% guaranteed start but, well, no. Just don’t be bloody silly. But just for a second, just a second, let your mind’s eye have a quick peak of what it would be like.

Ok! Enough! Stop! Dangerous thoughts, they are. I could spend months on that daydream crack.

Sunday brings Big Top Kev and his travelling circus to WHL and hopefully they’ll get the battering they deserve. Unfortunately, the little yapper bagged himself his first win last time around and I’ll not be impressed if they turn it on down our manor come 3pm, not after that dour performance of ours at St. James’s at the beginning of the season. Keep an eye open for Dr.Charles N’Zogbia should he appear. The rumour mill’s turned that little nugget up again with more interest in the Magpie’s left-sider come summer time, if reports are more than old bits of paper picked up of the press floor complete with a foot print carbon dated from last year. It’d still be better news than a thousand Stewart Downings.

I got six little bagels and they can all run faster than you.

The Bagel.

This entry was posted on Friday, March 28th, 2008 at 8:15 am and is filed under Transfer News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.