Window Watching - Toby the Yid
It’s the waiting that really gets me.
I gaze over at the clock. The luminous hands tell what I already know, only this time they have moved a whole five minutes: 3:45 am. I turn my head the other way and observe the enormous, dark mound next to me. It’s MrstheYid. Eight hours earlier I had been greeted with the words I have been preparing to hear for the last 8.9 months:
“I’ve had this back pain all day, I think it may be on its way.”
A thousand thoughts run through my head but one really sticks, drowning everything else out – Your baby is on its way, Toby.
By 3.40 am I realised that this was not, in fact, the case. It’s going to be late – much like its father. As I lie next to my clearly-so-very-not-in-labour wife my mind relaxes a little, and my attention turns to the window. No, not the glass one shielding us from gusts of wind that can only be described as epic, but THE window. We’ve got Woodgate, and evidently he was quite good against Everton. Hutton is probably going to be OK. I wonder if we’ll get anyone else?
It’s the waiting that really gets me.
It is a funny old game. We appear to have signed players to quell our dire goals against record, and this is a good thing. But nothing quite swells the transfer window erection like a big name playmaker, or striker. That’s why, unless you are a rich club really in the shit, Newcastle United, January never really brings those kind of purchases. The fees are always huge, but the names seldom are.
My mind drifts, flitting between Spurs and babies – a heady cocktail allowing me a whole 53 minutes sleep. I gaze at the clock: 6:35am. Fuck. In just over 2 ½ hours 34 ten year olds will be waiting for me. Well actually, they will be praying I don’t turn up. That’s the funny thing about teaching, you can remember exactly what it was like going to school – “teacher’s off, we can relax, fuck about all day!†Well guess what class 5b, you’re in luck. I shall stick it out at home, waiting, and pressing F5 on the guardian website, to see what happens.
I remember the hallowed days of single life – During the window I could have the laptop, Sky Sports News, Radio5 Live all on, as I sat in my pants in the lounge…ahhh…Halcyon days.
Rumours are such a load of bollocks. I wonder if the “quotes†from Berbatov’s mum about him being a Toon fan could come back and haunt me. Nah. The look on his face after that result, the emotion in his voice – he genuinely loved that night. We all did. And a Wembley final – he goes nowhere. For now.
I read of Sean Wright-Pippins being greeted by Keegan at St James’ Park. Bollocks. I’d quite like him at Spurs. I know we have Little Aaron, the rocket-man, but he is a class act. The thought of anyone choosing to go to Newcastle makes me chuckle. I feel for their fans. I remember how I felt when BMJ was given the boot – The way it was done, the thought that those running OUR beautiful club were morons. That’s how the Toon fans feel now – poor bastards.
It’s the waiting that really gets me.
And now here we are, ‘Window closing night’. The joy is that it’s not just Spurs you look at. Every transfer that goes through means something. Will it be Villa who pull off a coup? Will West Ham somehow sign Cristiano Ronaldo? No one must get any decent players! We have a HUGE mountain to climb to get to the top 7 – possibly over taking Liverpool, the way things are going – I don’t think we’ll do it this year. I am a pessimist, but the points gap, much like MrstheYid’s belly, is enormous.
I watch the sun start to dip down over the field. The kettle clicks in confirmation that boiling water is ready. I flick on the radio and make some coffee, deep in thought about football. I love it. You love it. I think of my friend Simon. The man has the greatest job in the world. A producer for Sky Sports News, he literally gets to talk and think about football all day every day. And they pay him to do it. Now if only I had the sense to have got a job like
We’re just hearing that Portsmouth have agreed a fee of around 9 million for Spurs striker..â€
Darren Bent? I ponder.
…Jermain Defoe.â€
Bugger. I can’t hold anything against him. I once had a kick around with him. He was little, played for West Ham, and kindly agreed to do some radio stuff for me. I didn’t really care too much for him then. Now he stares down at me from my wall, with the word ‘January’ written underneath him, and I feel sad at the prospect of him playing for someone else, but not getting in the England squad may have been the final straw. If you go, all the best, Jermain.
So far the window seems to be a good one:
Gardner out on loan, and Stalteri – I’m glad we’ve ‘freed up the space’, and wish them well.
No word on Robbo – hope he stays.
Chimbonda to Villa – See? What did I tell you?! Whatever he’s said, I thought he was good for us, and the annoying thing is, now he’ll be good for Villa – Why not try selling him to someone abroad? Villa are direct competitors with us in the weird ‘5 or 4 clubs all trying to finish between 4th and 6th place’ group. Having said that, Gardner can go to Everton, he’ll always be a bit dodgy that’s just fine by me.
And no news on Berbatov is excellent news as far as I’m concerned. So players in were needed, players out are understandable, and with the exception of Defoe, won’t really be detrimental.
By the time you read this, The Bagel will have added the details that go on through the night. The ins, the outs, the highs, the lows, the joys, the woes. Me? Well MrstheYid’s ‘back ache’ has come back…
It’s the waiting that really gets me.
You can watch football if it’s on during the early parts of the Labour.†God I love that woman.
TobytheYid
February 1st, 2008 at 5:28 am
Love it.
The Bagel.
February 1st, 2008 at 6:56 am
Wow…werent we busy!
February 1st, 2008 at 8:15 am
Hope the cork pops before Saturday!!
Great article but as you say sad to see the little yid depart
Lets hope the new arrivals can secure the back line and maybe give Robbo a better chance
February 1st, 2008 at 11:10 am
I hope Bent is fit soon, as a naturally pessimistic Spurs fan I can’t help but think that we are gonna be a striker short for the cup final or a crucial uefa cup game.
Still, the defence should be sorted now. Hopefully.
February 1st, 2008 at 11:24 am
I was just going to post the same thing as blanchflower.
I’m a bit worried about not being able to name our fourth striker. Although to be fair, thats not as bad as being able to name your fourth striker “Rasiak”, but still…
Maybe Ramos really rates Pekhart, Much more likely, they’ve just taken the Defoe money and figured that its a risk worth taking - the league is looking like a hard slog, and so long as two of the three senior strikers don’t get injured at the same time, we should get by in the cup competitions more or less as we would have done anyway. So they’ve taken the money while its on offer.
Probably the sensible move, just hope it doesn’t rebound on us…
February 1st, 2008 at 11:29 am
Good luck Toby and MrsTheYid.
February 1st, 2008 at 12:25 pm
May the Little TheYid arrive in time to see us beat Man U this weekend! (Positive thoughts, positive thoughts!)
Sad to see Defoe go, but we’ll survive. In Ramos we trust.
February 1st, 2008 at 2:41 pm
If push comes to shove, Little Aaron, The Prince or Taraabt could play as a deeper striker or at the very front of a five-man midfield, je pense.
February 1st, 2008 at 3:00 pm
True - but the prince and taraabt have really not demonstrated they are worthy of a place in the first XI at all yet, let alone playing out of position. And Lennon up front means we lose Lennon on the wing!
But I take the point, which is that we muddle through somehow.
February 1st, 2008 at 3:43 pm
boateng has definitely looked most effective further forward, and taraabt has looked creative rather than defensive in his cameos… with lennon up front, boateng could be right mid… OR bent could just pull up his socks and do the business!
February 1st, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Best wishes, Toby and co.
February 1st, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Best of luck Toby, good article also
Alves at ‘Boro straight into my fantasy team!
February 2nd, 2008 at 2:49 pm
good luck today!
must say defoe is a quality player, shame he left ya!
February 2nd, 2008 at 3:30 pm
I know your only wishing us good luck so that we do you a favour!
February 2nd, 2008 at 6:17 pm
I give up. Utd are destined to rob us every single game no matter what.
February 2nd, 2008 at 6:17 pm
Ohh, wat a heartbraker
still a point is good against United but its hard to swallow after dominating the game.
February 2nd, 2008 at 6:29 pm
f****** mancs!
when will you beat them! if only you had a little english goalscorer you could have put on to get a second!
February 3rd, 2008 at 10:10 am
Defoe will score goals for Portsmouth because Harry will make him feel like the main man. And it will still have been the correct decision to let him leave, because he’s one of these players who needs to feel that way to be a success. Personally though, I’m surprised Arsenal didn’t sign him as I think he would be an amazing winger…
We looked good and although its annoying to let in a last minute goal I still walked away from the lane with a good feeling of us being a team on the up. I think we are still a defensive midfielder away from really progressing though - mainly because our away form is still too fragile.
You have to see Man Utd in the flesh sometimes to remind yourself just how much pressure they put on the referee after he gives ANY decision against them. They argue about getting their yards, they crowd the referee and pressure him until usually, somewhere along the line it gives them a little edge.
Arsenal and Chelsea do it as well, but perhaps not as badly! I’m not saying this was a factor yesterday because (despite the crowd’s view) I thought Clattenburg did alright. But its just noticeable that these three teams do this FAR more than anyone else, and its despicable.
I’m sure the Arsenal fans on here will have their own take on this - “winners play on the edge” or “everyone does it” or even, preposterously “we don’t do it”. But its cheating, pure and simple, and I get to watch every team in the premiership at the lane and its only those three who ever do this to such an extent (obviously no team are blameless all the time, but its the way its carried out as a deliberate ongoing strategy that makes it so annoying) - and its every time.
February 3rd, 2008 at 10:32 am
And we just cant beat those c*nts! I agree the cheating scum.the whole bang lot of them.
February 3rd, 2008 at 10:53 am
Nani should have walked, that tackle was horrible and he knew it straight away.
February 3rd, 2008 at 6:47 pm
With regards to the Man U players harrasment of the ref, does this add weight to the case that only the captain or an allocated outfield player should be able to approach/speak to the ref?
February 3rd, 2008 at 9:15 pm
“I still walked away from the lane with a good feeling of us being a team on the up”
That’s spot on, oog. tbh we ain’t gunna get into europe via the league, so dropping the points isn’t that terrible, but the lessons learned are valuable - and wouldn’t have been learnt if we’d have got away with a 1-0 win.
we are certainly a team on the up, and after ramos has shaped his team over the summer, we can look forward to a full season under his leadership…
February 4th, 2008 at 11:14 am
A team on the up ?
What happened to last seasons chasing a top 4 finish ?
And the season before, losing a top 4 finish due to a tummy bug ?
How are you on the up exactly ?
You are seriously on the wain. All you have done is beaten a less than full strength side in a meaningless semi final, and carried on conceding the late goals for which you are famous.
On the up !!! You do make me laugh oog !
And congrats to DS for his ‘watch us next season’ statement, an annual cry from all spuds fans, personally I’ve been hearing it for about 25 years, but I reckon it must have been around since the 60’s !
February 4th, 2008 at 11:57 am
Well ki ki - I say we are on the up because we have been performing better lately than we were doing immediately before.
It is this upturn in the standard of performance that leads me to conclude that we are on the up.
That is how we are on the up.
Its a fairly non-controversial viewpoint. I’ve taken our performances and results from earlier in the season and compared them with recent performances and results.
Its probably a more defensible view than taking a 5-1 semi final win and concluding that we are seriously on the wain. You’ve really hit home with that one!
February 4th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Still - what do I know. I wouldn’t play Defoe on the wing.
February 4th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Spuds wouldn’t play defoe at all, thats why he’s banging ‘em in for Pompy !!!
So what your saying is that this season’s spuds rollercoaster ride is heading towards it’s pinacle, and thats good ?
The pinacle, of course, being a much lower pinacle than from the previous couple of seasons, but you have made an improvement, pointswise, from the opening game of the season, so are in fact on the up ?
And, lest we forget, you have the upper hand with the banter after humiliating our first team in a career defining semi-final cup tie ?
I guess our first team will have to nurse their wound by knuckling down on chasing down the premier league / champions league / fa cup.
Meanwhile you can look forward to your season finale party around the end of feb, and more ‘watch us next season’ chat.
February 4th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Seriously ki ki - are you on the wain? I’m worried you are on the wain.
You’re just rehashing some very dull points that bear no relation to the very simple observation I made which is that we are improving again.
What I’m saying is that we have a new manager and that, contrary to being “seriously on the wain”, he appears to have steadied the ship and we are showing clear and demonstrable signs of progress since he came along.
You’re a very excitable blogger today, aren’t you. You’ve put me right about the semi final, for instance. Not that I actually made any point about it other than to say it wasn’t evidence of our being “seriously on the wain”.
By the way I didn’t see MOTD. Is Defoe banging them in (”them” being “one goal”) now that he’s finally being played on the wing where I think anyone with any football knowledge would have to admit is where he should obviously be played. No wonder he has been on the wain whilst being played out of position for so long.
At any time, feel free to retract your ridiculous statement about Defoe and the wing, and I shall stop banging on about it!
(if it was you, I forget which names you use!)
February 4th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Ki Ki - In more denial tha his teams manager.
February 4th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
than*…
February 4th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
whilst we are on the subject of motd (loosely admittedly) is it me or was the editing job a little on the red side - you had lineker and co happily discussing how well spurs played - including one of the gillespie road mobs own favourites - and yet if you just watched the highlights you’d think it was all manure
i was a little ‘pickled’ too to be honest - but i don’t remember them even showing nani’s tackle?
February 4th, 2008 at 2:28 pm
ha ha - i just re-read that and wouldn’t like anyone to think i was disapointed not to see nani’s or indeed anyone elses ‘tackle’
i was of course referring to his diabolical studs up lunge
February 4th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Sure - I’ll retract my …
erm, no hang, I dont think I will.
When you have a player who suffers from a lack of confidence, I would relieve the pressure by taking him away from the front line.
Defoe was suffering, I would have played him as a wide man, because he has pace and trickery and I think it would work, it would give him a chance to attack the goal but without the extra pressure his lack of confidence forced upon him.
You disagree, and I care about this much (holds hands very close together).
You have an opinion that your season is ‘on the up’ based on the fact that your first team beat our first reserves and you managed to drop points against ManUre (again), as well as losing to ManUre, drawing with Everton, etc etc.
All I’m saying is that when you make statements like that you could at least base them on some results, perhaps use a little fact and logic to add substance to your dreamy claims.
But you cant, cos it’s not there - the facts are that you have less than half the points of those at the top of the table, are only 1 point into the top half and only 8 from the relegation zone.
You have no chance of a top 4 finish, no real hope of uefa cup league finish and are therefore worse than the last 2 seasons.
Thats why I say wain.
Why do you say ‘on the up’ ?
February 4th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
You were ‘pickled’. You don’t remember whether you saw nani’s tackle or not. You vaguely recall a lunge from behind but can’t be sure.
February 4th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Dear oh dear Ki ki.
I could look up some facts, but I’m at work. Look them up for me and tell me if the following are right or wrong.
For example, I am sure we are taking more points per game under Ramos than we did under Jol.
Our league position is higher now than when Ramos came in.
We have got to a cup final under Ramos and won three away games against premiership teams.
Those are off the top of my head.
You have taken my statement that I walked away from the ground thinking “we are on the up” and compared it to previous seasons. I have already explained to you that I meant we are on the up compared to earlier in the season.
If you insist on applying my statement to two scenarios and choosing to focus only on the one in which my statement isn’t apparent to anyone who watches Tottenham regularly, then I care enough to insert my own (childish patronising hand signal in brackets).
You would play Defoe on the wing. You are a silly man.
February 4th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
I would play Defoe on the wing - but only if left with that choice.
Should all my nightmares and broken mirrors come back to haunt me and were I to lose my ability to gain meaningful employment, unable to even find work in either the media (selling big issues) or accountancy (begging) fields, having to scrape the barrel and left with no option but to manage spuds.
Yep, I would be that silly man.
But then again I wouldn’t have paid that much cash for Bent ?
February 4th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Nor would I.
If I managed Arsenal, I would play Almunia on the wing.
February 4th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
To underscore OOg’s point even Alex Ferguson acknowledges Spurs are a team on the up. After Satruday’s draw Old Red Face said: “You can see the upward swing of Tottenham Hotspur. Juande Ramos has done a fantastic job”
I think it would better not to acknowledge Ki Ki until he starts using facts.
February 4th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
would be* better….
February 4th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
bad news about Bale.
February 4th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
just to lighten the mood a little i’d like to thank oog for his 2.35 post which has made me feel like i need to take a long shower
February 4th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
also if i managed arsenal i would sign 11 players all under 5′ 5” and not allow any of them to leave the centre circle at any point during a match
how far does ki ki want to take this?
February 4th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
You’d play Almunia on the wing ?
With a broken finger ?
You’re just cruel !
February 4th, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Ki Ki - You’re beaten, why don’t you sneak out quietly and hope we don’t notice.
Again!
February 4th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
I see, I’ve been beaten by that unassailable spuds logic.
Yeah right.
I’d forgotten to forget every fact that points me toward a particular line of thought, forget all results baring the few (well, one) that protects my case, forget the reality of the league position that spuds reside.
And just say - “Hey, actually we’re just brilliant, and getting better and better with each passing hour !”
“Next season …….” etc etc etc
Just like last year, and the year before, and the year before, in omne tempus
February 4th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
i understand that the tottenham refrain for years on end has been “next season”, but you have to see that ramos is doing better things with us than jol, and having a whole season rather than 2/3 of a season under him will be beneficial. No, we are not ready to challenge the likes of yourselves, Man U and chelsea at the top of the league, but we are putting in increasingly better performances ( hence on the up).
February 4th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Ki ki. I wasn’t putting forward “a case”. You are not a judge. You picked me up on a comment that I then explained to you. No-one who understands anything about football could dispute that both statistically and subjectively, things have improved this season since Ramos took over.
The fact that you want to have this argument and so have deliberately misunderstood me and competely ignored my entirely sensible logic for your own ends is…
well - its what internet blogs are made for, really.
February 4th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Unless you are a judge. In which case you are, in fact, a judge.
February 4th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
Ok - all that aside, who’s next for the england keeper role?
Personally I reckon out of the (real) england keepers (almunia and cuducini aside ) the best one on form for the last couple of years has to be david james, he’s playing really well at pompy.
I know he’s sommat like 38, but he’s still got it, shilton played til 40 something.
All the other choices just dont have the experience for such a specialised role of nutter and keeper.
No way should carson have played a high pressure match when James is arounf, ie croatia, James has howlers I know, but 2 in a game? and he wouldn’t succomb to pressure.
February 4th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
Arf! Well said oog.
February 4th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
David James is too inconsistent. He often makes great saves, I agree, but he also takes unbelievably silly risks.
Another question: what are Spurs going to do for a keeper next season…sell Robbo and give young Ben Alnwik a go?
February 4th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
He’s been very consistent for pompy, been very good for a couple of years now, bearing in mind he doesn’t have the greatest defence in front of him.
As for spuds, bring back Robinson, please, pretty please.
oog,
I’m not strictly a judge, but I have watched both judge judy and rumpole of the bailey, adding to that I have eaten fudge and know how to both nudge and budge.
Excellent qualifications I think you’ll find - all I need to do is sleep with dirty ho’s, get a gimp suit and decent drinking habit and I’ll be fully qualified.
February 4th, 2008 at 10:24 pm
I think we should give Robbo another chance even though it’s a big gamble, on his day he can be one of the best around, and i gotta admit I do miss him in a way:(
Hopefully Ramos will give him another chance, and if he does he needs to take it..
COYS!
February 4th, 2008 at 10:52 pm
Orrr we could just stick with the perfectly capable Cerny. Will someone get that guy a new contract by the way??
February 5th, 2008 at 12:58 am
Time for a new twist in this saga:
Anyone seen Bagel? Until we get his narrative on last Saturday, it feels like it’s………..still last Saturday.
PS- kiki doesn’t seem in the least grateful for the favour we did his bunch.
Oh, sorry, I forgot. The Arse don’t do gratitude, or acknowledgement, or class, or grace. Kiki, man, you swagger with the words and your crass attempts at wit like some poor deluded dude who believed the propaganda of a 1000-year Reich. You enjoy it while you’ve got it mate. ‘Cos it won’t last forever. It never does. And when your lot’s time comes (and it willl), you can huddle together for warm in that huge half-empty, still-silent palatial home of yours, remember the good times and if you find yourself going on about next season, then you might also remember your input here too and get some idea what this was all about.
February 5th, 2008 at 4:00 am
A very girl question, but… have Toby and Mrs TheYid had the baby yet?
February 5th, 2008 at 8:33 am
Sorry Stewie, my bad.
Thanks for taking a point off ManUre, shame it wasn’t 3, if you had learned from previous lessons perhaps it could have been.
I would have posted sooner, but wasn’t sure of the reception my barbed words would receive, my delicate sensitive nature unable to face the cascade of hate aimed my direction.
I do think the Mighty Arsenal do have class and grace - not all the fans do, but then nor do all spuds fans.
February 5th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
well said, stewie!
February 5th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
OK, WHS, I’ll buy that. It’s conciliatory enough. And have to concede on your last paragraph too.
It’s just that kiki’s not scoring any points at all here, labouring it on & on. It’s not amusing, it’s boring.
Let’s leave it.
Until next time………And thanks for returning at last, El Bagel!
February 5th, 2008 at 6:54 pm
Stewie - bad news for you - I am WHS Ki ki and I think it was Oi oi.
I have several computers and somehow had different usernames on each.
Bagels cookie’s are tenacious enough not to release my pc’s, so I must suffer having multiple names !!!!
February 5th, 2008 at 11:55 pm
Kiki, lala, tinky winky etc…
I can’t work out why you can’t manage to use the same name from different computers, I’ve been doing just that for some time now & that includes my home pc, my laptop, my company laptop & company pc’s
Never mind old son