Beef Bagel

I remember our first home game this season when Little Aaron set up new boy, Dimitar Berbatov for his first goal in a Lillywhite shirt. Now it may have just been that the winger had done all the hard work but I’m sure we sung his name simply because we had nothing as yet prepared for our new hit man. Four months later and we’re still no closer to solving this problem. Even he’s noticed now…

“It’s probably because my name is too difficult for them to fit into a song.

“I’m only interested in pleasing the fans. If they like what I do then that is good. It would be nice to hear them sing my name but I appreciate it is not easy.

“I am not that bothered if they don’t come up with one, just as long as I am working hard for the team, we are winning and the fans are happy is all that concerns me.

“Even when I played for Bayer Leverkusen in Germany, the fans did not have a song for me.”

This is slightly shameful on our part as Tottenham fans and a situation that we simply must remedy. I know that all of you will feel the same. Our thoughts here our echoed across the superhighway and in no better place than at Vital Football, where a few suggestions are taking place.

Now, I’m not so sure about this ‘la-la-la Tott-enham-boys’ business but I’m loving the idea of Jesus Christ Supastar. That’d be a great one to belt across the terraces as he runs towards us arms wide. Any ideas of some lyrics? Two verses would be brilliant. Send in your suggestions. As hard as I try, I just can’t get Andy Garcia to scan but I reckon I may have something by the end of this post.

But while the back of my brain and indeed the backs of yours, ebb and flow with the tides of our creative juices, allow The Bagel to bring you those transfer rumours as promised yesterday. We’ll start with the true one.

All but the official website itself are reporting that the minute the latch is loose on that wintry window we’ll be switching keepers with Rabid Roy and his Sunderland. After years of absolute hell at our club, hardly seen and much forgotten third string keeper Marton Fulop is finally getting released to a team, where he may actually get a game of football. MJ and the board will be taking him to Checkpoint Charlie in the dead of night, where he’ll be sent across the bridge, passing new signing, Ben Alnwick, on the way as he goes to meet his new comrades on the other side. Marton’s pockets will be stuffed with a cool mil in cash just to keep them sweet and we get a new keeper to torment at the Lane.

Alnwick comes highly rated and as England’s U21 keeper, much in line with our transfer policy. Here’s his head…

…as he watches Mad Lizzy’s workout.

He’s young he’s the right kind of size and shape but the chances of him ever seeing the light of day are slim to none, unless he poisons Robbo. Better check him for radioactivity.

Next up is the new one and this week it’s Austrian striker Stefan Maierhofer. There’s all sorts I can tell you about Stefan. As I say, he’s Austrian, he’s a striker, he’s 24 years old, he plays for Bayern Munich, he’s even a trained chef but the thing to know about this man is that he’s bloody massive! At 6′8″ (that’s 2.02 metres!) he dwarves even Peter Crouch. Just look at this guy. Here’s his head and when I say ‘head’, I mean neck…

…can you spot which one’s the footballer?

This monolith of a man has been stuck behind four other strikers at Bayern, including Podolski, Makaay and Pizarro and has no intentions of renewing his contract come the summer.

“I will leave Bayern next summer when my contract us up. They have offered me a new deal that doubles my salary. But I have been with them for two years and I just don’t want to play for their reserves any more.”

Fair enough. He’s honest and it’s good to hear they want him to stay and what’s more, he respects the Spurs…

“There is some truth in the rumours linking me with Tottenham and I find it very flattering,”

…oh really, some truth, eh? Well with all the switchery pokery that goes on with our starting XI, he’ll definitely do more with us than play in the reserves. He’ll have to be pretty special to knock Dimitar off top spot but Mido could find a fight on his hands.

Stefan would certainly add a very interesting dimension to our play and if he’s willing to come then you can’t really argue with a Bosman. Sounds rather exciting to The Bagel but the age old question remains, ‘Will this deal actually materialise?’ My hunch is ‘no’. His hunch is whenever he has to walk through a door.

It’s lucky forwards are on the menu because there’s yet more rumours of Defoe leaving WHL. In the same week we’ve had the Little Yiddo linked with both Man U and Liverpool. That damned Ferguson’s planning on pilfering our talent once again and as much as I may bitch about Jermain, it’d really get my goat if the Chewing Gum machine got his way again, which is rather annoying as I’ve only just got it back after Carrick’s departure.

The mooted £12m would certainly sweeten the proceedings and indeed give us the funds to buy ourselves another Berbatov and still have change for a third string keeper but I’d be sorry to see the little guy leave.

However, if it’s not one North West club it may be the other. There’s talk of a striker swap deal between Liverpool and our good selves, with Defoe going one way and Craig Bellamy coming the other. The apparent thinking behind this one is the added advantage that Bellamy can play on the left wing.

Tricky one this. Bellamy’s a good player and similar to Defoe but he is, by all accounts, a little shit and I’m not sure if I want him at the club. The Welshman, pictured here…

…is currently on trial, charged with assaulting two girls at a nightclub in Cardiff. His defence are building their case around the fact that no doorman would have believed little Craig was old enough to be in a nightclub in the first place.

Lastly and hot off the press is the news that there’s another Lens youngster on his way to join our merry men. According to Eurosport and even the player in question, it’s all but a done deal. A lad by the name of Adel Taarabt should be on his way to London for the fee of 3.5m Euros, which is just over £2.3m. Rather tricky to dig much up on this kid but he appears to be a midfielder of Moroccan birth and supposed to be technically quite special with one foot already in the French national team. I can find only one picture of his head, so here it is…

…with absolutely zero potential for a comedy gag. It does have some rather intersting things to say though…

“I have discussed things with Martin Jol, and he really wanted to have me. I have visited White Hart Lane, and I can’t wait to play there.”

The kid does come with a bit of an attitude, having fallen out with a couple of pros from Lens but let’s just stick him in a room with Edgar Davids for a few days and I’m sure he’ll be as good as gold.

Right, a song for Berbatov…er…Jesus Christ Supastar…

Dimitar,

Berbatov,

Does more damage than a Molotov,

…if you can finish it off in 18 words or less then answers on a poostcard to Beefbagel.com.

Sing a song of bagels.

The Bagel.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 28th, 2006 at 9:07 pm and is filed under Transfer News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.