Spurs vs Sunderland - a bolt from the blue
I can’t remember the last time I had so much breathing space before a Saturday afternoon kick off. Here I am, it’s 11am and I’m up. I’ve just about finished the washing up. It wasn’t even much of a chore, unlike shopping for a rug on Friday night. I don’t think I’d wanted to do much but hearing the words “I can’t make it, I’m going rug shopping,” come out of my mouth when I was invited to a gig was a very strange thing indeed.
Trundling round John Lewis between stacks of mock Persian, Egyptian, Mexican, modern and down right boring decorative floor covers didn’t exactly start off as torture but the more piles we revisited, the longer I spent shaking my head at various options all, of which would have turned the Bakery into something altogether unpalatable, and the more I began to resent this shopping trip.
The rugs became great sheets of unwieldy lead as I lifted each one to reveal another pattern in which I had no interest, all the while the only really attractive ones stood on the walls around mocking us with their intricate, beautiful designs and their £3,000 price tags.
I started to scale the towering piles pretending to fall asleep on top of them; my childish games unamusing to LB who’s looking to get something positive out of this exercusion; some escape from my eternal procrastination. Eventually she gave in; her own exhaustion getting the better of her and the promise of some dinner and a film when we get home.
Thinking about it as I stacked the last of the large white plates on the rack, there was no where I’d rather have been last night, nothing I’d rather have done and with no one else. The suds slip lazily down the bowls, the crockery pristine, and I smile as I remember the pleasure that was LB and I on Big P - our deepest of deep sofas, purple-cushioned and built for two - a couple of glasses of red, something to smoke, a trashy film and the knowledge of a whole bank holiday weekend ahead and the first proper game of the season tomorrow. Today.
The harsh alarm of my phone ring wakes me from my thoughts. I dry my hands in a hurry to cease the grating noise of the Deal or No Deal Banker-type ringtone I’ve been meaning to change since I got it but then who wants to be the twat on the bus running through the options for the pleasure of everyone else to hear?
“Yoist,” says Jimmy Five Weeks (nee No Home) as I answer the phone, a derivative of the world “Yeast”. “Do you want a lift today, I’m coming past yours to the Lane anyway?” The way there is probably quicker on the White Hart Lane Express but the way back is always a pain, besides with a chat with Jim as well, there’s really no contest. “I’ll be deyar in a sec,” he says in an old school moment of mock gangster and before phone goes down, “Oh mate, do you still have any of Jules’s stuff?” I have no idea what he’s talking about. Why on Earth would I have anything that belonged to his girlfriend? Does he think I’ve seen her recently? Have I seen her recently? Does he think I’m having an affair with her? I’m not, am I?
“Like what?” I finally get the presence of mind to come out with.
“Jules from St. Albans, any more of his stuff?”
There’s a second where it seems to make perfect sense that his girlfriend comes from St.Albans, except for the fact that she doesn’t and finally the penny drops.
“Oh yeah, no worries. I’ll see you in a sec,” I say and put the phone down and head for the fridge where an ice-cream pot has sat for a couple of months now, brimming with the freshest, most fragrant and potent buds of home made skunk that my friend Jules thrust upon me the last time I saw him. He didn’t want it and wasn’t sure I did either but even if I don’t really smoke the stuff much any more, there’s something rather nice about having weed in the fridge, especially sat between two bottles of champagne like it is.
I carefully take what is mercifully the last of it out of the tub and wrap it gently in cellophane so as not to crush the orange-haired crystal moss, not wanting to spoil this pristine piece of nature, an untrodden winter scene coverered in the perfection of the first snow.
It’s been a while since I’ve seen Jim and the way to the Lane is as sleepy in my mind as is the journey on the road in my friends Saab with the roof down and sunshine warming my arm rested on the top of the warmed green metal of the passenger side door. We talk ‘Boro, Berbatov and babies - none of them the most comfortable of subjects.
We weren’t that bad last week, I said having gleaned all my knowledge from MotD, never the best of sources for matchday accuracy but it was the stats that had told story. Sixty percent possession compared to ‘Boro’s home effort of just 40. How do you lose a game so convincingly having had so much of the ball?
We park the car in Sherringham Avenue, of course, and start the walk through the back streets, parallel with the High Road and directly to our corner of the ground. It’s always the strangest time of the year, the summer not really over, the season not really begun; the players unknown and our fotunes uncertain. In the early days, Jim and I used to sit together, for two seasons until he left it late and Omar took his chance. We used to make bets on our walk to see who would buy the programs - how many Robbie Keane t-shirts would we see on the way, whether or not there’s be an attracive police woman, whether the person on the gate would be fat or not and, our personal favourite, how many smashed up cars would we see on the way?
But there were no smashed up cars today and even if there were the August sunshine has a way of hiding all the scars of life. Even the ghettos of N17 look beautiful today.
We wait outside the gates for our fellows to arrive. New black and gold shirts, seconds strips, shirts with colours and Chinese writing look just as strange as our future seems. Even the first strip with its v-neck, blue trim and stripey socks are alien to what we know as Spurs. “Word is we won’t recognise this lot next season,” were Omars parting words last season as we went down to Liverpool at the end of a lack lustre second half campaign. Somehow, I didn’t think the kit was what he meant.
“Yeast,” calls a voice and I turn to see a tall man with all the warmth of summer blocking out the burger vans and police horses behind him.
“Yeast,” Jim and The Bagel reply as with smiles on all our faces we see my mate Charlie (a Yiddo through and through) and Gillian of the Glory, Glory days and the ‘66 final. It’s funny how easy it is to associate cold weather and football; thick coats, wrapping up against the swirling winds and 3pm kick offs that always finish with the floodlights on. People are so much happier in August but then perhaps that’s the excitement of the game back, the new players, the new hope, the chance of putting right our false start with an emphatic win against a lower team, even if they have bought half our squad.
The four of us wish each other good luck and I’m already looking forward to seeing them again at half time. We’d promised we wouldn’t leave it until the nect game before we met up again but somehow the summer months had slipped by, despite our best efforts to arrange a barbecue for one of the Croatia games of the Euros.
“Number One, number one,” shouts a steward in his flurescent orange bid indicating the correct voucher to tear out of our season ticket books. Number one. I don’t remember ever using voucher number one in any season and somehow it feels right. Number one; a new start, Juande’s first full season, our first proper game, a way to put ‘Boro behind us and a time for a our new squad to show us what they can do in front of their own fans.
I tear off voucher number one and hand it to the elderly man on the turnstyle, who isn’t overweight in case you we were wondering. I’ve little interest in the guts of the stadium. I don’t want a beer from a plastic bottle when not followed by a quick succession of other beers and no opportunity to go to the loo. I don’t want any expensive, terrible food and I don’t want to watch other people eating theirs leaning up against the painted white and blue breeze blocks with fillings squelching out of their pasties and bellies squelching out over their jeans. There’s only one place to eat in this stadium. It isn’t here, and it isn’t now.
The pure, blue sky opens up framed between the two giant pillars of the East Stand that loom into view the minute I take my first steps up the stairs to my seat. The painted walls give way to more sky as I rise higher and out of the guts and just as I know the cockerel on the roof of the West and the grass of the pitch will appear, I pause. It seems so long since I’ve been here and I want to drink it all up. I want to prolong what will be the best time I do this until it happens again in 12 months time. I stop and I say a little prayer for Spurs.
Please Spurs, be great this season. Be everything I want to see. Win games. Make this ground fortress. Make our song shake the rafters, make our enemies fear this ground. But most of all, entertain us. Give us the ride of our lives. Again. Don’t let us down and we won’t do the same to you.
I nod hello to the steward I’ve never spoken to but has always been on this gangway. We’ve never spoken but he seems to recognise The Bagel just as I recognise his curly, brown hair, his glasses and his skinny frame and always with the same seeming excitment of a fan but always with his back to the game.
The spriklers are what hit me first as the ground comes into full view. Thick jets of arcing water soak down the billiard table pitch protecting the precious turf from the sun that breaks the transparecny of the cascades into all the colours of the rainbow before it lands. Groundsmen prod at the roots perfecting invisible imperfections before the players take the field.
I make my way down to my row past the crowds, all whom seem to wear the Lilywhite of a new season’s shirt with sunglasses and shorts with all of the chatter carefully avoiding both last week’s loss but more importantly the absence of our hero Robbie Keane.
The faces are unfamiliar at the start of my row, annoyed at having to stand up for this stranger in a checked, short-sleeved shirt. “New haircuts, summer holidays,” I ponder until my locals all greet me with smiles and handshakes like the guest at a wedding.
“Alright, mate; alright mate how you doing?” are most of the words that come out as I greet the Lads in Front, Big & Little Man and a couple of their mates who I’m beginning to recognise. “Good to see you,” I’m saying but when it’s when I grab Omar that I mean it the most.
“Really good to see you,” I say with the biggest smile that’s met with one of his own from a freshly tanned holiday face.
“So, this is the lot we won’t recognise from last season,” I say to him as the teams line up. He nods. “No Berbatov in the squad.”
“Yeah, well that’s it now,” he replies shaking shaking his. “He’s on his way and about bloody time. We knew he’d go though. It’s not him I’m bothered about. It was Keano. I just thought…”
“…he was one of ours,” I interject with my neighbour seemingly lost for words. He nods and that’s the last we mention of it.
“We’re gonna miss him too, you know,” he adds as he points to Steed Malbranques name up on the Jumbotron, the only one of the Sunderland Spurs to have made the squad today.
There’s a huge round of applause for the Belgian born Frenchman and a subsequent “Steeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed” as loud as any goal celebration with which we ever honoured him. Naturally, I round it off with a “v” sound instead of a “d”. The midfielder, looking somehow skinnier and more like a Tin Tin character than ever with a deeper moustache and a darker five o’clock shadow, applauds the crowd for our thanks to what was a fantastic servent to Spurs. We’ll miss you Steve.
For us it’s a 4-5-1 with Bentley in the hole, Lennon on the wing, Bale on the other and a first chance to see Luka the Mod up close and personal sitting in the middle with JJ. Bale looks taller and stronger than ever with his hair a little messier but still unable to cover up his ears and stop him looking like a monkey at best.
Possession is no problem from the start but it’s inspiration that concerns me and the rest of the Lane as the stripey Sunderland defence hold together, comfortable and firm against our advances. Malbranque is right at home, more so than many of the new boys in our side, Bale included, and it’s bitter sight as he fights to get the ball in midfield with his tireless, crabbing legs at work for the opposition and every bit as effective as when he wore our shirts. The Sunderland hard fought turnovers and attempted counter attacks seem to begin and end with his work. A first half shot at Gomes is proof of his ambitions.
Our new keeper looks strange in his silvery sky blue against his shave-headed and olive-skinned figure. He dives to his right at the far end of the pitch on that terrible slow motion you can only experience from the angle of poor perspective at a football game when you know you can’t tell how accurate a shot is until it buries into the net and balloons over the bar. Eons pass between the cat-like dive and when the ball finally rebounds to safety.
“Was that off the post,” murmours around our block in comfirmation of exactly what I’d feared. So much better if Gomes had had it covered; so much more confidence in and from him had he had it covered.
“I don’t rate him,” comes Essex accent from behind. “He’s the wrong shape for a keeper,” says his mate, much younger and where the Junior Harpey should be sat. “He’s all stringy and too tall. He’s like a cat”
It’s one of the most stupied comments from this kid who seems to know something of traditional movements and on-field tactics. He’s the perfect shape for a keeper: tall, agile, enormous hands and he’s the Octopus, not the Cat.
Ten minutes have gone by and the crowd are already quiet. Not once have we got the ball to Darren Bent’s feet and at 5′11″, he’s dwarfed by the Sunderland back line, easily able to outnumber him four to one.
Finally we kick into life as we win a corner through some work by Little Aaron Lennon looking renewed after a summer of goals and the odd word in his ear from Juande. He’s been the bright spark so far, stepping in and out of tackles his new No.7 shirt the assurance he’s needed that he’s the first choice right winger.
The deilvery comes in from the far side and is knocked our again by a visiting head. The player in white runs over from where he was to the corner nearest us. Sun-streaked hair swept, David Bently places the ball in the heart of the Tottenham hardcore and he’s quickly christened by the crowd.
“Yiddo Yiddo, Yiddo,” come the calls.
“He hasn’t done anything yet?” says My Old Mate George in front. Bentley taps his chest four or five times in what looks like a new signal to the players in the middle; a new set piece, a new tactic, a new delivery. A new delivery indeed.
The ball leaves his foot and shoots up to head height in less than a yard where it remains until it arcs round out, away from the keeper and back in to the far post screaching out of reach of all the defenders and teasing the foreheads of all the players in white. There’s no doubt in my mind that it was the perfect delivery, only the rest of the team’s movement wasn’t up to it.
There’s an “oooooooo” from the Park Lane and the rest of the crowd as the ball goes out again, in recognition of our new weapon as much as how close we came to a goal but Sunderland don’t look shaken.
The visitors continue to press our every possession; a poor man’s Man Utd but under one of the most important dictums of a Ferguson side. Chase it down. Chase everything down and although missing the same level of quality and quite the same sharpness, the players in red and white run down the ball from the strikers back.
“Oh you are shit!” comes the older voice of the Chuckle Brothers behind, a dark and angry rasp from his throat. “JJ you useless piece of shit,” he screams spitting venom in the direction of one of our hardest working just 20 minutes into the season. I’m appalled by his attitude. I’m disgusted in his lack of support and annoyed that he’s spreading his attitude accross the stands. What the hell does he expect right now? Isit really that surprising that our team isn’t quite together yet and exactly what has Jenas done except not take, the ball, dribble round the entire side and score a goal? He’s playing deep in the middle of a bust midfield and he’s plugging away. What he doesn’t need is some fat, bald, negative cunt screaming abuse at his every move. I have a feeling this is going to happen all season and I’m not sure how much I can take. I’m afraid to turn around and confront this man and his little friend. I don’t want to bring whatever wrath he has pent up onto my shoulders and I don’t know what kind of support I’ll receive if I do. I hate Yiddo on Yiddo conflict and the last thing I want is an enemy on my shoulder from now until, well, whenever. I’m not sure how much longer I can hold out. If he, if they continue like this, I’ll be finding out these answers very soon.
The crowd are still quiet. We’re waitng for a sign, we’re waiting for a goal if that’s what it takes. However we know that this is going to be a good season, whatever piece of unbelievable skill is going to convince us that we’re not going to be let down, we want to see it and we won’t come alive until the team does.
The rest of the half is corners and set pieces. Ball after ball of amazing delivery from both Bale and Bentley is the most stunning sight in the world. We haven’t seen this kind of consistency since Zeiger and Sicknote. Our wide players have been runners and now crossing seems our game. All we need is a heading machine to go with it and so far, Darren Bent is not cutting the mustard and neither are the rest of the team. No one is playing badly but no one is dazzling either and I begin to lament the loss of our hitmen so much more. Not a single pass has gone astray but no one has looked dangerous either. We get it to the box but there’s no Dimi to hold off two players with one hand, strong as an ox, while he baffles and befuddles with his other foot to create the perfect pass, lay-off or shot. There’s no Keano to pick the ball up at speed and dance it through the last line. There is only Darren Bent with no opportunities and Modric and JJ with little or no penetration to speak of. Little Aaron makes in-roads and Bentley takes subsequent corners but this is as far as it goes and I fear a boo as the whistle blows for half time.
A text on my phone reads from Mr Play4aTeam: “I’m at the Lane. Fancy a pint after?”
I do. He’s an excellent chap and despite his United allegiences, his doubtless smirks at our performace so far and his awaiting, open heart for a certain striker sitting at home, it’d be good to see the man but I’ve got no Oyster card with me and no means of getting back with out Jim.
Life at the bagel wagon is noticeably devoid of Chrissie and Oog on holiday and absent for unknown reasons. Instead, the oringal four of us munch on our bagels and put the team to rights.
“Still missing an inforcer in midfield says Charlie, right after we’ve all got over the wows of the Bently deliveries.”
“I’m unsure about Gomes,” I say. “He’s going to get found out. Pass backs are his problem,” I recall as twice in the first 45 he kicked out under pressure as the ball was rolled back to his feet. His distribution is not as good as Robbo’s, few are, and we’re as yet to see shot-stopping.
As we head back to the stands, I grab Jim by the shoulder. “Listen mate, do you fancy stopping for a beer after the game or do want to get back,” fully expecting him to be persuaded to have quick jar or a whisky and ice as is often his case.
“No,” he says and heads back to his seat and I’m left a little cold as I head back to mine.
Again, I make everyone stand up on my row, the last to be back from the break and sat firmly in the middle of the block, I often wonder when someone will complain.
“We’re gonna have to start fining you,” says Little Man with a smile as I reach his spot.
“Your lucky I’ve come back at all,” I reply and grin back as we laugh at the reference to last season and the amount of time I disappeared to sit with Charlie left with a vacant seat at his side.
The games already underway again as is the abuse from the Chuckle Brothers.
“Da, da, danna, da, da, da, da dar da,” the elder, balder, fatter sings in his imitation of the Junior Harpey’s circus tune she’s come up with when there was comedy and chaos amongst our players on the pitch. Modric and JJ are falling over each other and the Sunderland midfield as they try to scrape the ball our from under their feet and to space on the edge of the box that doesn’t exist.
There’s far from an understanding between the two. It’s hard to tell who’s supposed to be forward and who’s supposed to be back and I’m not sure they’ve any better idea themselves. They may not know eachother’s game or have quite worked out how to play together but I already have a feeling they never will; such different players in style but so similar minded; both natural attacks; one rangy, tireless, always looking to drive with the ball; the other short, quick passing - a waiter, not a go getter; the same strange imiscibility as Lampard and Gerrard - oil and water, never to mix.
I look up to the clock. 55 minutes, desperate for our first goal at the Lane, praying it be ours, knowing that the confidence will only come as we assert our authority, our superiority over a side we have to beat but out of nowhere, disaster strikes.
In front of my eyes, JJ and Kieron Richardson tustle for control in the middle of the park, 30 yards out from the net. There’s a moment of pinball between the two players before Jenas waves his arms and the whole of our team seems to stop for a minute as if the whistles been blown. Richardson takes a shot all the same, his leg curving through the air as he turns on one foot. The ball arcs round the first defenders and on towards the far post. Surely the whistle’s been blown but Gomes dives all the same, wide and to his left. Surely he’s just practising? The Sunderland fans erupt as the ball nestles in the corner of the goal, a lovely shot but surely they’re mistaken? The whistle has blown. Hasn’t it?
The scene unfolds in front of my eyes and it still feels that something isn’t right. The visitors still celebrate while both our fans and our players remain stunned looking to see if anyone else can confirm if that was really a goal. I’m ony sure when I look up to the board to see the scoreline and the announcement over the pa that the first goal was on 55 minutes by Kieron Richardson.
“Kieron! Kieron! Kieron!” the fans in the corner shout - as we would with the word ‘Yiddo’ - with their hero running towards them, his shirt stripped from his body.
We kick off again with no change at all in the game, save the scoreline. Still we find little to do with all our possession and still Sunderland play with an assurance, a confidence they’ve no right to have. We probe deeper with more corners, more set pieces. A free header from Bale that should have gone in, a scramble from Woody that just went wide and great piece of work from JJ to evade the defense and the keeper a poach a header at goal watching it roll six inches wide. Each time the player concerned falls to their knees with their head in their hands, each our fans sense the edge missing in our team.
Giovanni and Big Bad Tom take the field to a mixture of boos and applause from the crowd for both Lennon and Assou-Ekotto, both of whom have had solid games. Bale moves to the back but instead of Two Saints playing up front, it seems to be the little Mexican on the right and Bentley on the left, exactly where they shouldn’t be.
Still the formation holds together despite the Chuckle Brothers’ claims that we’ve got no shape. Strangely, shape is one of the things we do have. Best of all is that Giovanni looks good. You can tell as soon as he arrives that the less cultured Maccams defence doesn’t quite know what to make of him and given a yard of space wau out wide and narrow on the wing, he clips one with the outside of his right aiming for the far top corner of Craig Gordon’s goal. The audacious shot isn’t far off and you can see the Black Cats shake ever so slightly.
Minutes later it was another new boys chance though. We watch as Luka the Mod picks up the ball not far from where I sit and starts to run with the ball. He isn’t fast by any means but his control is incredible. It’s as if he gets two touches of the ball where other players would only get one and in a strange slow motion he steers it between and around the opposition, avioding the crush of bodies and outstretched legs. Finally he’s in the box and he takes his shot that comes straight back to his on-running feet. He shoots again but again he’s thwarted but this time the ball is bundled home. At last we get to jump to our feet. At last we get to shout and I’m almost angry as I grab Omar by the shoulder and punch the air. It’s not enough and it’s taken too long and I see my own thoughts reflected in Penfolds eyes a distance between us where we would normally be hugging. It shouldn’t have been this difficult. We shouldn’t be this blunt.
There’s no song for JJ, we wouldn’t have sung it even if there was. There are no long celebrations except a solitary round of “Come on you Spurs, Come on you Spurs!” but at least it’s us who look more dangerous. At last we get a ball to Darren Bent’s feet with some space going forward on the edge of the box and he drives the ball low at the near post. His first and only shot on target is all too easy for Gordon to save. There had only been one place he could hit it, one strike he could make. He knew it wouldn’t go in. We knew it wouldn’t go in. It was almost as if to show us that he could, that he had the skill to take a chance and we wanted him to to know that he could. Perhaps he can work as our centre foward if only we can get the ball to his feet more often? Perhaps a No. 10 is all we need but somehow I doubt it and maybe so does he.
The voice comes over the tannoy as the visitors make a change. I’m relieved to see Kieron Richardson leave the field but that soon disappears when I see his replacement is Djibril Cisse. I didn’t even know they’d bought him but he’s always been a player The Bagel thought was far better than his transfer record suggests.
“He’s just another Darren Bent,” says Omar, sensing by concern, dissmissing my fear.
“I don’t know,” reply, “he’s got a much better shot,” and althought the French forward never quite proves the picture I have in my head - him in a Liverpool shirt cracking a volley as he hurdles through the air - it’s still him the does the damage.
The ball comes out to Murphy right in front of The Bagel & Co. as it has so many times already this game. Zokora at right back has never looked great bt he’s done the job surprisingly well for a centre midfielder. This time though the Sunderland forward gets the cross in, a simple ball headed for a single player in the 6-yard-box. My eyes begin to follow the ball and I see Gomes doing the same. My attention switches as he makes to punch it away. Half way between the ball and his goal he realises that Ledley and Woody should have it covered and by the time he sees that they don’t it’s all too late. He’s in no man’s land; no place to reach for the cross and not far enough back to attempt a save.
“Oh shit!” I announce even before Cisse’s made contact and the next noise I hear are the visting fans cheers as they suspect they sealed the win on 82 minutes. The worst part is that we all think so too, our players included.
With nothing left in the tank, the Lilywhites chase for possession while the away stands rock with song as they have the moment the match begun.
“Sun-der-land, Sun-der-land, Sun-der-land!” they sing to the tune of ‘ere we go in the distince North-East accents.
“There’s only one Keano!” and then when they catch on “You haven’t go Keano,” to us. It’s all so very apparent. Thw whistle finally ends the pain. We’ve done little on the pitch, we’ve been quiet all game and we haven’t once sung anything back to the visitors.
Omar, Little and Big Man and most of the others have already left but I still say the words I’ve been thinking all along in my head: “It’s going to be a long season.”
I sit with my head hung low like it was the last time we lost to arsenal at the Lane. I remember the thought that we’d never be able to beat them, that we just couldn’t summon the luck despite outplaying them on many ocassions. It’s a horrible thing to be out of ideas. With Stamford Bridge up next and Villa after that, someone involved had better have a eureka moment and have it quick. For the first time I sit and consider whether Ramos is indeed the right man.
I text back Mr Play4ateam, telling him I’m sorry I can’t make a drink and asking after how he is, expecting a little persuasion. Instead I receive. “Alright, see you soon,” like he didn’t really give a shit and again I feel little cold.
My mate Charlie ( a Yiddo through and through) and Gillian disappear barely before I can say goodbye and Jim practically speeds off before I can say a word. Thank God I’ve got LB to get back to. I remember a broken-hearted time at the Lane, many years ago when all I could think about was the pain I felt and nothing on the pitch could make any difference. I feel so lucky that now it can work the other way. As I walked through the Bakery door, LB commiserated me on the result but seeing her made it so much easier. So long as she’s there, I can deal with whatever Tottenham can through at me. But let’s not test it, eh lads?
With a little time until we have to go out to one of LB’s mate’s bashes. I sit and watch the some trivial TV swimming in front of my eyes as I stuff my face with cheese and biscuits and watch my girlfriend pretty herself up. I’m ready as I am for the evening, fresh from the Lane.
Finally, she wanders past in golden yellow dress to match her golden yellow hair, a black lacy bra peeking over the top, protecting the kind of chest men and women kill for and pair of tan cowboy boots to bring it all together. Truly short skirts and dresses with boots is one of the finest combinations on Earth?
Twenty minutes later we arrive at the venue for the relaunch of Port Royal Jamaican patties. In the lift, a Port Royal sign sits next to the button for the fourth floor. Double doors with the same sign wait for us as we arrive.
“You’d better go in first,” says LB, always more shy than myself.
As I open the doors into the huge space a grey floor, and matching bar on the side, I see that we’re early. No bodies stand between me and the far walls of exposed red brick except waiting staff scuttling about, but when I turn the corner I see all the people are at one end of the room and what the fuck is my brother-in-law doing here? Why is everyone looking at me? Why is Edward, who’s party it is, why is he looking at me? Whay is no one looking at Edward?
“Surprise!” comes the shout like a shockwave directed solely at The Bagel and I stand stock still. I look to my left. I’m alone. LB is looking at me too now from a safe distance away. I look back to the crowd and catch sight of the walls. All then pictures up are of me - me when I was three with my fingers in my mouth, me aged four wearing my sister’s swimming costume to look like her, me sitting astride a canon aged 7, me in a dressing gown with a baseball cap, aviators and a cup of tea mid-twenties and finally, a A1, close-up picture of a salt beef bagel.
I crumple as I realise what’s happened. I feel unsteady on my legs and I grab my head in my hands. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have missed it? Charlie smiles from the back of the room his head above the others, Jimmy runs forward to hug me and I grab as much booze as I can to try to steady myself, to get a grip on what has been happening. On the one hand I feel utterly betrayed, on the other elated.
“Happy Birthday,” everyone shouts and I can barely find the words to explain that it isn’t until next week.
I couldn’t quite tell you what happened over the next 11 hours but all of it was drunken and all of it now a blur except the cake and the pizzas still left over. Each of us in my family had had surprise parties. Each of us except The Bagel. “Gotcha!” read my cake.
The Bagel.
August 26th, 2008 at 2:30 am
It was a painful display lacking a true target man. Glad to see you back Bagel, happy birthday for whenever it may be.
August 26th, 2008 at 11:19 am
Pitch perfect, as ever.
I’m still not questioning Ramos, he’s got something planned but the Keanotov Disaster has set us rocking on our heels.
August 26th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Brilliant report as always. I think the turning point will come at Stanford Bridge next weekend. Think positive. And happy birthday!
August 26th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Sorry, make that StaMford Bridge. D’oh.
August 26th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Another start to the season beset with off the field shenanigans. For fucks sake!
We were never gonna win the league so 2 games in and there is still plenty of time. I think we just need 2 or 3 players to link everything together. Whether we can get them now is another matter. I’m starting to think that Berbatov has to go at whatever price. The fiasco is dragging us down.
Great report Bagel. Shame we didn’t have the performance to match. Happy birthday old boy.
August 26th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Happy birthday Bagel. hopefully Forest will show you how to beat Sunderland on Wednesday…
August 26th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
Happy Birthday Bagel! and a thanks for the superb report as ever!!
there’s a lot of quality in this Spurs squad and still a lot of money in the coffers! stay positive everyone! it’s a marathon …
August 26th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Is it too late for Palyuvchenko? Exactly what we need. Forget Arshavin, we got enough little guys running around.
August 26th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Berba to “rot in the reserves”???!!! Another fantastic early season approach.
I’m not suggesting the club shouldn’t be upset about his negative impact on the rest of the players — there’s certainly no place for that at the beginning of an important campaign. It’s just time to take a big gulp and swallow that pride. Sell him already! We’re not going to compete with united, so do we really care if he goes there ? (It’s better than him going to city, in my opinion.) And do we really care if we get 25 mil and not 30 mil? He’ll lose even more value if he doesn’t play.
August 26th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
Pavlyuchenko is on his way apparently - good addition. Still think we’re a couple short.
August 27th, 2008 at 12:04 am
This is such an important week for Spurs. A good week in the transfer market and we can get on with trying to finish top 6. A bad or middling week and I honestly think we could be bottom 6.
Those Heskey rumours were a far cry from the ones about Eto’o in the summer… Reality bites hard. We are an average club again who can not hang onto our best players and now looks to be resigned to a panic buy or two to salvage what could still be a half decent season.
August 27th, 2008 at 6:30 am
Well as they say here in Cape town
Happy Birfday Bagel. Let us know when
the actual day is. Thanks for the report
you have filled in most of the blanks.
August 27th, 2008 at 7:29 am
B Money,
Do you know what? I thought that random quote from him last week about ‘not moving anywhere, because family commitments mean that would be a bit difficult’ was slightly odd.
Sorry I can’t find the quote, but as he hadn’t been linked with us in a while, I couldn’t understand why he was talking again… But clearly he is on his way…
August 27th, 2008 at 10:34 am
Happy birthday Bagel, hope you enjoyed the party more than the football!
August 27th, 2008 at 10:46 am
So does anyone have any (decent) knowledge of Pauv..Pav.. this Paul Chenko bloke? Is he the next Berbatov? (Minus the attitude)
August 27th, 2008 at 11:20 am
he’s got pace and quite a bit of power + the obvious features of Cameron Diaz.. but let’s hope There’s something about Pavlyuchenko!
my tuppence would be on us not making any further signings until January if we do sign him and offload Berba, with Ramos making the best of Bent, Pavlov and Two Saints upfront..
good point made here about the fact that the Russians have played 5 months of their league with a further 8 months to come here.. let’s hope he’s running on some super-strength vodka!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/stevewilson/2008/08/a_crucial_week_for_spurs.html
August 27th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Palyuvchenko!! Palyuvchenko!! We will love him!! Tall, Fast, Super brave, Runs all day, Hard shot,
August 27th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Palyuvchenko = Rebrov mark II
August 27th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
How very optimistic off you brownpants! Atleast it looks like he wants to wear the shirt. Ps Lee to durtmound? I`m gonna miss him. COYS!
August 27th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
Well, he’s a different nationality, a completely different type of player and half a foot taller. So if he’s a failure, he’s still a Pavlyuchenko mark I rather than Rebrov mark II failure!
August 27th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
Aye, The Pav is in more or less - he did say last week he wasn’t up for it because of family issues - his slice of the £12 million fee has obviously knocked that out of him. Who needs family when you’ve got the benjamins?
BBC Sport also reckon Corluka and Veloso are on their way to solve the “problem” defensive midfield and right back slots.
Wouldn’t mind one more up top but.
August 28th, 2008 at 12:53 am
The beeb is saying Arshavin now as well. Maybe Bent will find himself last choice again.
August 28th, 2008 at 3:36 am
if arshavin, corluka and veloso all wear the lily white, i’ll be a happy man again, regardless if we win or lose the season. HEaring all those big names in your fave club just tickles you…
August 28th, 2008 at 5:37 am
Perfect report, Bagel, as always. And Happy Birthday for next week!
I heard a rumour about Huntelaar… any truth to that? Time’s running out….
August 28th, 2008 at 6:41 am
We have a interesting 5 days coming up.
It will make or break our season. Hopefully
our defence will be sorted out.
Oh and farewell to Lee best of luck to you.
August 28th, 2008 at 9:23 am
I think we should raid the Standard Liege squad. I reckon we could pick up some bargains there.
August 28th, 2008 at 9:38 am
We need to get this league form improved asap. While cups are nice, great even, the real test of a team is the league and I hope it is the top priority for the seasons ahead.
A top four challenge this season is ridiculous but hopefully we can build on Jol’s successive fifth place with another best of the rest finish.
Losing Keane/Berba is a blow but all players want to play for CL clubs - there is no loyalty among any modern players - the only difference is that some get asked to go to united and act accordingly and the rest don’t get asked because they are not wanted.
Season prediction:
goons 5th
spurs 6th + a cup
COYS
August 28th, 2008 at 10:16 am
Palyuvchenko would be cup tied for UEFA. I suppose Arshavin would also. We can’t make a serious tilt at UEFA cup with only one striker (Bent) available.
I can’t believe Ramos would buy two new forward players if both cup tied in Europe. I suppose if our formation was 4-5-1 then we have options with Jonnie 2 Saints as the lone striker.
This is getting very weird. What we thought was the make up of our team a few weeks ago now looks like it could radically change again in the remaining few days of the transfer window.
Just as well Bagel is too busy to keep up with all the rumours. Even he would struggle with this merry go round.
August 28th, 2008 at 10:38 am
It is wierd. I thought Arshavin was not cup tied though… Probably wrong.
It just isn’t ideal - and the even better news is that Robinho is due to make his Chelski debut on sunday. So that’s nice.
TobythePessimist says Played 3 - 0 points. Not a great start.
August 28th, 2008 at 11:17 am
Toby
Hope you are right about Arshavin not being cup tied. It would make a little more sense why we are still after him.
Remember the effect that Ossie and Ricky had when they joined? If 2 Russians could do half as well then we are in for some good footy.
I have a funny feeling (”inside of me,…. SPUNK!”(for those who still sing the “maybe it’s becuase I’m a Londoner song”)) about Sunday. Anything from the Chelsea game would be a great result.
August 28th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
Me too Hornchurch Yids, me too.
August 28th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Man City are taunting us with their Central defensive options. They are playing a UEFA cup qualifier at the moment and at the back they have Tal Ben Haim, Richard Dunne, Micah Richards and Vedran Corluka. Howmany CB’s do they need? Maybe we will still get Corluka if all the rumours are to be believed.
August 28th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
I bloody hope so!
Qualifiers don’t mean cup-tied players, do they?
August 28th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
Toby unfortunately it does mean he is cup tied
August 29th, 2008 at 10:44 am
More brilliance from Comolli, signing a cup-tied player. I think him & Levy share the same brain cell. Both men are a cancer at Spurs and are ruining any kind of progression under Jol.
I think if we keep the loss on Sunday to a 2 goal margin then we’ve done well
August 29th, 2008 at 11:15 am
So Everton have now got Saha on a two year deal - which must mean that Man Utd have solved their striker shortage - One way or another.
August 29th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
There has to be another striker joining us if (when) Berbs goes.
We can’t seriously start a full campaign with 2 strikers, one of which is cup tied in Europe.
Hang on a minute, we just started a season with only one striker, Berbatov being on another planet.
It’s a real shame about Berbatov. You don’t often get to see players of his ability in your colours. He could have been a legend but he’s fucked it up with his desire to move to UTD. Cunt!
Fingers crossed for a decent draw in the Uefa cup.
August 29th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Wisla Krakov in UEFA.
Could have been worse as Borrussia Dortmund were unseeded and in our part of the draw.
August 29th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Still going to be a tough challenge - especially given our recent form.
Totally agree with you about Berbatov, Hornchurch. It’s not been good. If he had gone right at the start of the summer - like Keane - Things could have been completely different.
August 29th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Have fun in Poland, Bagel!
August 29th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Larrson would be welcomed as a third striker! scores goals for fun and still has a season in him.
Newsflash!!!
Berbs has been told they eat squriels in manchester and now wants too stay. Bit off shirt kissing at the bridge sun methinks! yay!
Ps Uefa cup kick started our season last year. Fingers crossed again.
August 29th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Shameless C&P from TeamTalk, who themselves smalessly C&Ped from SkySports News - Interesting reading though…
Spurs hopeful of keeping Berbatov
Sporting director Damien Comolli remains hopeful that Tottenham will be able to keep Dimitar Berbatov out of the clutches of Manchester United.
Berbatov has been strongly linked with a £25million move to the Red Devils and was left out of the Spurs squad for last weekend’s defeat by Sunderland.
He trained with the Spurs squad on Friday, ahead of Sunday’s clash with Chelsea, and Comolli says the club are keen for the Bulgarian striker to remain in north London.
When asked if Berbatov would still be at Spurs when the transfer window closes, Comolli told Sky Sports News: “I hope so, of course.
“He’s a very good player and, as Juande (Ramos) has said many times, we’re delighted he’s with us.
“I don’t really want to comment about speculation, but we just hope he’s going to stay.”
Comolli was non-committal on Roman Pavlyuchenko’s anticipated arrival at Spurs after the Russian striker landed at Heathrow on Friday morning.
He added: “We will comment and will let you know when we’ve got news.”
Another Russian to have been linked with a move to Spurs is Andrei Arshavin, with the Zenit St Petersburg playmaker having said he no longer expects to join the Premier League club.
“It’s difficult for me to comment on different rumours and speculation,” continued Comolli. “He plays for another club we respect and they have got a game tonight.”
Comolli also played down reports that Spurs are looking to sign veteran Swedish striker Henrik Larsson, saying: “At the moment we’ve got some targets, but it’s news to me about Henrik Larsson.”
I must admit, I hadn’t really (seriously) entertained the prospect of keeping him. Berbatov, not Comolli, I mean
August 29th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
A terrible draw for us IMO.
We beat B. Dortmund at a canter pre-season and although they have signed YP Lee, I don’t think he’d make all the difference…
Wisla beat Barcelona recently I believe, albeit when Barca were 4-0 up on aggregate. But that, plus our home leg being played first (always a disadvantage) makes me very nervous that we might just fuck it right up.
No news on Berbs today, apart from the ruddy faced twat suggesting that it’s not looking good for them.
I think if Berbs does end up staying, he will HAVE to play. He is under contract after all and he’s hardly going to get a move in January by sulking like a moody little cunt until then.
I don’t care about the money - we have already recouped more than we have spent this summer and in any case, Levy tends to favour wasting our money…Ghaly on £20k a week apparently, transfer fees for Kaboul & Boateng (not to mention what their salary is/was).
If Berbs does end up going we must get one of their spare CBs. John O’Shea/Wes Brown anyone? Plenty of CL experience between them and much cheaper option than Corluka (who is cup tied anyway).
Your thoughts?
August 29th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Hmm,
Having spent 2007 going out with a Wisla Krakow supporter in Krakow who’s friends all supported them (including one who was the niece of the owner), I have followed their fortunes a bit more closely than most.
In summary, they are pretty rubbish! They were more or less dreadful in the UEFA cup last year. They won the Polish league, its true, but this is due to it being exclusively made up of other polish teams.
Mind you, Krakow is a great city so that would be a cracking away day. If you need a hotel let me know as I remain on reasonably good terms (!) with someone who works in the industry and might be able to get good deals…
August 29th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
Thats not to say we can’t lose to them. We are Tottenham, after all.
August 29th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
GG
Good shout about getting a CB from any Berba deal to the Mancs. Not sure if either would come but, as you say Brown or O’Shea have bags of experience.
Commolli is obviously going to keep schtum about any signings so no surprises with his lack of info. Hopefully, he realises that his job is on the line and he is working his arse off trying to sort out some excellent signings.
We need 3 more players in. 1 striker 1 defensive mid and one more defender. I’m not convinced about Arshavin but he would complement Pav so it seems like a sensible move. If he plays for Zenit tonight then that deal would look doubtful. Veloso for defensive mid looks like an excellent deal if we could pull it off. He is young and other top clubs have been interested. Again, who knows. As for a defender I’m not sure about Corluka but we are running out of time. He is tall, which is a start, and he could keep Luka the Mod company down at the Croat ex-pat club.
This should have all been done and dusted weeks ago.
Thanks for the info oog. There should be plenty of YIDS looking to crack one off in Krakow!!!!!!
August 29th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
Wisla were in one of those Ross Kemp documentary’s wern’t they. Seem a pleasent bunch
August 30th, 2008 at 9:35 am
Hornchurch - do you think just the 1 more striker is sufficient?
I DO agree that a DM and a defender are needed - but really, we want 2 strikers to replace the best pair up front we have had in a long time.
Looks like arse Haven is a no no. Paul Chenko is having a medical, well, right about now.
Jonny 2 saints may well net a few, but I just don’t think Bent and Jenas will come up with enough goals between them.
August 30th, 2008 at 11:28 am
I think we need to play Lennon or two saints of bent tomorrow. we need bentlys crossing. We keep Deco quiet and we win this game! Wacky Jackie has a feeling COME ON YOU SPURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
August 30th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Oops *Bentley*, My bad. using the tinterweb in work. Coys!
August 31st, 2008 at 8:19 am
I’m not suggesting the club shouldn’t be upset about his negative impact on the rest of the players — there’s certainly no place for that at the beginning of an important campaign. It’s just time to take a big gulp and swallow that pride. Sell him already! We’re not going to compete with united, so do we really care if he goes there ? (It’s better than him going to city, in my opinion.) And do we really care if we get 25 mil and not 30 mil? He’ll lose even more value if he doesn’t play.
August 31st, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Lets get behind the boys today! Put all this Keanatov nonsence behind us. Fresh young blood at the club. COME ON YOU SPURS!!!!!!!!!!
August 31st, 2008 at 1:04 pm
1) 90 mins before kick-off at the Bridge, I could never have believed a few weeks ago that it would feel this dire.
2) If anyone deserves a happy birthday, it’s the Bagel. If only there could be a fairy-tale in store for you - and all of us - this afternoon.
3) A sincere thanks to you guys for wishing me well. It’s really doing my head in, having this XXXL-sized cloud hanging over me. And our club is doing me about as much good as Hurricanes Katrina & Gustav put together.
4) Did anyone who saw the Mancs v Zenit think the same as me that we had nothing to gain from buying Arshavin? Decent enough, but not remotely what we desperately need. We got out of jail for once. And does Pav set the blood racing? It’s a wait-&-see.
5) The Berba situation isn’t just scandalous - it’s a disaster. The guy has been allowed to turn into a cancer at the worst possible time - the start of the season - instead of it being resolved months ago. That it has caused this much turmoil, and what we can see of the turmoil, is more revealing of the real state of affairs at the Lane than anything before it, even the goings-on of 12 months ago, re BMJ & the ’stroll in Seville’ hunting Ramos.
Reading Hoddle & a few of the more intelligent press commenters earlier, we have indeed to wonder what goes on in the Management’s heads that they allowed this to fester on & on and ruin the chances of hitting the ground running with a prepared team by Aug 16. Roma & the rest of the pre-season was an illusion of no importance, we quickly learn.
Last Wednesday night, I watched the Tom Cruise movie, “Jerry Maguire” again, with the sole purpose of comparing a story of agents in American football (made in 1996) with where our game and clubs are today. I watched & listened and realised that loads of it rang true now. You can almost hear 90% of today’s players in our Prem screaming at the Danchevs, Mendes & Pahlavis “SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!!!”. And “FUCK THE FANS!!!!!!!” It’s all paper-thin, the wall of lies and deceits that’s been erected between the clubs, the owners, the players, the agents on one side & us on the other.
And too many of us now have that money-motivated 3-minute addiction syndrome that craves instant fixes and success right NOW! It’s unreal, it can’t happen. Building it right takes a lot of time & patience, both for inside the club and for the supporters.
It is ancient history, my first-ever game at the Lane. A home defeat to Sheff Weds. You know what? It didn’t matter a flying fuck. Why not? Because at the final whistle, my Dad & me (age 10) joined about 5,000 others of the 65,000 crowd to get in front of the West Stand and see Danny lift up that League Championship trophy. What a way to start a lifetime-long love affair.
Now I’m thinking “How many of you guys will ever see something like that at the Lane, or wherever Spurs end up playing?”. How I’d love to read the Bagel’s emoptional report of that day!
Football can break your heart as easily and more often than love can. Sad, maybe.
But right now, half an hour or so before the Portuguese TV goes live to the Bridge, I feel much more sick & fucking angry (& even a bit bored if I’m honest) than sad.
SHOW ME THE MONEY? So, what to do, have a hundred quid on fucking Chelski?
What is the matter with our club? How did it get to this? Bottom & pointless having to face the top that’s sitting on a 4 & a half year unbeaten home record.
Guys, sorry for this being so gloomy & pessimistic. If we get a point, I’ll come back & retract at 3.30!!
August 31st, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Zokora is our best player at half and its not even close.
Also, Bale is slow on defense, lets face it.
August 31st, 2008 at 3:15 pm
6 minutes to go and we’re still on 1-1. I can’t believe I’m this happy at the possibility of getting a point!
August 31st, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Well played Spurs
August 31st, 2008 at 8:57 pm
I retract, as promised. An enormous point, that!
“The future looks delicious. Game on for that Top 4 finish. Champions League 09/10, here we come. Dead certs for the Eurovision Song Contest too”.
But back on Planet Earth, yep Farah. That was my feeling too. One game at a time will do me.
August 31st, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Very pleased with that result. Zorkora and Gomes played very well and woodgate was flawless as usual. Hopfully we can push on from here and Bent will pair up well with Cameron (Pav) Diaz. Should be a busy day tomorrow. Whats everyones veiw on Owen? COYS!
September 1st, 2008 at 12:00 am
Great that Woodgate isn’t in the England squad.
September 1st, 2008 at 1:15 am
Interesting to read that some think Zokora had a good game today.
Personally I thought he was a liability most of the time. Even when he did something well, he followed that up by giving the ball away. When Huddlestone can on he was immense and there’s no question as to who I’d prefer in the 3-man central midfield alongside JJ & Luka (if they are indeed seen as automatic 1st choices)
Great result and all that (what has it come to that we are happy at getting a draw? And are the club going to release a special DVD to commemorate this?), but I was a bit concerned with some of the individual performances from the new boys.
Modric currently looks well off the pace of a PL midfielder. I’ll allow him some slack as I’m sure there’s a lot more to come from him, but I did find him very ordinary last week and again today. He’s clearly got ability, but he just needs to get with the pace. Come on Luka, you can do it!
Dos Santos as very ordinary and I would not be surprised to see him rested again against Villa. Maybe Lennon needs a chance - he’s looked a lot livelier from what I can tell this season. I’m becoming a big Dos Santos fan, but I think we need to be careful with him and not allow him to become complacent in thinking that he’s automatically on the teamsheet.
Bentley - apart from whipping in a few tasty corners, did he do much else? I hope we are only seeing one part of his game and there’s lots more to come from him.
Overall, I was obviously pleased not to lose, but the reality is still that we have 1 poin from 9. I would happily have traded a point against Chavski for 4/6 from the first two games (I know that sounds obvious to say, but let’s not get too carried away with a point at Chelsea when we’ve already dropped a potential 6 points that a CL-chasing side should really be getting).
Off the pitch, I would echo a lot of what Stewie said above. The club is being fucked up good and proper by the current board and we’re all the mugs buying into this bullshit cycle of player trading without making any real progress on the field.
The Keane & Berbatov sagas have really made it hit home just where Spurs’ place is in the grand hierarchy of modern football. One of the also-rans who flatter to deceive season after season, but keep the interest up just enough to ‘justify’ 8% season ticket price increases.
The transfer window closes in under 24 hours from the time this is being typed and with a new face or two likely to be in lilywhite befoe the next game, what excuses will Ramos & Poyet wheel out at the next ’shock’ defeat? Players not gelling? Man U/Kiev not playing ball with us? Rubbish! A management team with any common sense would have all the transfer activity complete before the start of the season.
I’ve said enough for one night - not even a draw at Stamford Bridge can lift the cloud hanging over N17 at the moment.
Today will hopefully be the end of the bullshit tabloid stories regarding the sulky Bulagarian cunt and we can try to move on and salvage something of our season.
Nothing but 3 points against Villa will suffice.
GG
September 1st, 2008 at 9:53 am
TWITTER Corluka has signed for Tottenham TWITTER according to the TWITTER man city websit TWITTER e anyway TWITTER
September 1st, 2008 at 10:02 am
Glory Glory I share some of your frustrations and agree with most of your assessment of the game yesterday - although I’m not as convinced by big bad Tom as most. I’ve got a good feeling about Modric and I think its clear that he’s probably not about the hollywood pass more about the simple get and go, but I thought he did that very well yesterday and as he works out how to stamp his authority on the premiership paced game I think he is going to become the key player for us this season.
Not sure you can really have a go at the management team for not having all transfers done and dusted earlier though. Chelsea are still chasing Robinho, Man Utd clearly still chasing Berba, Liverpool Riera etc. - its not just us and English football in general suffers because it starts the season earlier than the other major leagues and clearly everyone is dependent on all the other deals going on. Thats just the way it goes.
Also, we’re not mugs for “buying into” the cycle of players. Its just the nature of the beast - keane wanted to go. berbatov wants to go. Unless you’re top 4 (and even then, not necessarily) you lose players if they decide they want to go and a CL team comes calling. Honestly, I don’t see what we could have done to keep them at the lane, except against their will - and then they become a liability. Not saying I like it, but thats the way it is, and its not the board’s fault. In the words of the wire - its all part of the game…
September 1st, 2008 at 12:22 pm
I thought Luka had a good game, he seemed to grow as the game went on.
Not Sure about Gio though.
COYS!
September 1st, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Blimey!
Taking a (brief) break from setting up my classroom/shitting myself, I read that Man City are bidding 28 Mil for Berbatov!
Now even though City are now on their second Billionnaire owners, I personally think that IF he went - that would be more of blow that him joining Utd.
Surely Man City are direct rivals to us, rather than Utd, who we really shan’t be catching up on anytime soon. Or am I wrong? Is it better to say ‘fuck you’ to Man U, and flog him to City.
All of that ignores the question of whether, and why, Berbatov would rather play for City than Spurs, although there is probably too much under the bridge for him to actually be happy to stay with us now in any event
What a mental deadline day.
Right, back to my Numeracy planning…
September 1st, 2008 at 1:07 pm
Ok oog, fair enough about the timings etc, but I still don’t understand why seemingly every summer it is necessary to sell half the squad or buy half a new 1st team. If that is indeed part of Levy’s ‘5 year plan’ (I wonder which year/plan we are on now?) then I seriously doubt the board’s ability to run our football club.
Maybe some/most feel I’m being a bit harsh, but I was sold a season ticket at 8% more than I paid last year, yet since then we have seen Keane & Malbranque - the 2 hardest working, key players for us last season in my humble opinion, ushered through the exit door.
I think Keane is the type of player who would have knuckled down and worked hard for us again this season if we had refused Liverpool permission to speak to the player. It just takes a Chairman with balls and/or a spine, and it looks like we don’t really have that.
How many of the players who beat Chelsea at Wembley were in the team or squad yesterday?
To paraphrase the great Alan Partridge, “We revolve, we don’t evolve’ and it most certainly should be the opposite for continual long term progression on the field.
September 1st, 2008 at 1:24 pm
so we got corluka from city from under the saudi royal family’s noses - i think this could be a fantastic signing my friend who is a city season ticket holder is gutted as he rated him very highly - this could be quite a coup for us
September 1st, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Apologies for being so damn out of the loop but:
a)When the hell did we pull the Barcodes away in the Carling Cup! and
b)why the fuck haven’t we just done whatever it takes to get the last years out of Henrik Larsson?
The Bagel.
September 1st, 2008 at 2:16 pm
Bad news in the long term about Man City I fear. I assume they now have the financial muscle to become another chelsea. I suppose the only silver lining is that if they do, that presumably means arsenal aren’t guaranteed top 4 every year!
Still, its man city. They’re like us. Something will go wrong.
September 1st, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Bagel,
1) Saturday was the draw - Barcodes already asking who they’ll face after they have knocked us out
Tricky old fixture, that…
2) Larsson, really? I like to think it’s because we will be signing David Villa. In reality, from the rumours, it seems Juande has always had his list of preferred players, and I like to imagine Commoli sweating his arse off today, jetting about under pressure to get the deals.
September 1st, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Cheers Toby,
He must be so sick of having to fight off the crowds for the aisle seats at the back of his Easyjet Airbus trips.
I like to imagine Juande’s in charge and that when push comes to shove, we’ll just pay whatever it takes to get the players he wants. As it goes, it’s probably in Comolli’s interests to do just that.
The Bagel.
September 1st, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Jesus-H-Jones!
Mark Hughes is due to have a meeting with Berbatov later today!
Fuck me, it ACTUALLY MIGHT HAPPEN.
gutted
(sources: Sky Sports News and BBC Sport)
September 1st, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Would love to see the look on Fergies face right now!
September 1st, 2008 at 3:21 pm
I don’t mind if he goes to City. They’re a likeable set of fans (I’m sure that will change) and I’m happy to get the extra cash to i) have a laugh at the expense of Man Utd and ii) well - to get extra cash.
If City are about to go galactico, we might as well be the first club to benefit by selling a player that has burnt his bridges here now. If they don’t sign Berbatov, they will sign someone equally as good at the next transfer window so its not as if we’re making a rival better - there’s nothing we can do to stop them anyway.
And in the medium turn, its bad news for us, but worse news for arsenal!
September 1st, 2008 at 3:22 pm
turn? jesus…
September 1st, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Damn the internet! Word spreads so fast it’s impossible to keep up with everything.
Berbatov to City? Hmmm, I can’t help but think of a potential conspiracy between Fergie-and-Hughes, master-and-learner type stuff… What’s the betting that City pull out at some point tonight and while Berbatov or his agent are (conveniently) in the Manchester area the deal is ‘miracualously’ resurrected with United so Levy looks like a magician who pulled it out the bag at the last after being messed about all day.
Maybe a bit too cynical, but the fact it’s the other Manchester club, who are managed by an ex-United legend…something is very fishy indeed!
September 1st, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Stewie
Seeing Danny lift up that trophy is a precious treasure that nobody can ever take away from you. No amount of greedy agents, players or chairman can tarnish that life changing moment back in ‘61. I wish so much that I could have been there to see it too. My first game was in ‘79 and good old John Pratt scored the only goal against Stoke. It’s not quite the same as your first game but it’s still special to me.
I try and look back on those early days as a Spurs fan as a completely different existence to what goes on now. It just doesn’t compare. I even have fond memories of the bad days of the mid 80’s when crowds were down and Thatcher was doing her best to criminalise most footy fans. It was never really about the match, more about belonging to a group of people all with an irrational love of a football club.
I named my 2nd Son Danny after our wonderful skipper. He and our other heroes will always make us feel proud of our beloved Spurs. It’s just a shame that heroes are a bit thin on the ground these days.
Danny loved our club, that’s one of the reasons why we loved (and still do) him so much. He knew what it meant, just like Billy did too.
You know what it is to be a Spurs fan. Your eyes have seen the glory. Keep strong mate in the face of adversity and think of Danny with that trophy whenever your skies are grey.
September 1st, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Good god.
Real Madrid. £37mil. Berbatov.
Man Utd accountants reportedly suicidal.
September 1st, 2008 at 5:27 pm
Ah,
Well Utd have had a “30 mil plus” offer accepted.
Ha-fucking-ha, you didn’t get him for 25 “take it or leave it” Fergie - You tw@t.
They must have at least matched the Madrid/City offers.
SO - get yer wallet out Levy. We have a striker replacement to purchase…
September 1st, 2008 at 6:14 pm
Agreed Toby. It’s all well and good Manchester fighting over Berbatov but we need to be spending the money to strengthen our team. Ramos said that he had a few more players to get today so fingers crossed.
Another striker is a must and possibily a defensive mid.
September 1st, 2008 at 6:28 pm
Jesus christ - slightly irrelevant, but City have also bid for Robinho!
Worryingly, the new owners have said they would love to eventually “take man city back to Abu Dhabi to play their football”
Is this the distant future, the global Premiership?? Fuck. Hope not.
*Toby would still like a minted Arab to plough some cash into Spurs*
September 1st, 2008 at 7:32 pm
Heskey?!?!?!?!?
We’ve made a bid for Heskey.
Brilliant, Heskey and Bent up front.
HESKEY?!?!?!?!?!
September 1st, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Watching sky sports news channel, which keeps telling me that Spurs have not given Utd permission speak to Berbatov. But Berbatov spent the day with Fergason and is now having a medical with Utd.
Also Spurs have accepted a bid from city…
Am I missing something? Someone shut the window. It’s making me feel stupid.
September 1st, 2008 at 8:14 pm
If we don’t want to have a sulky Bulgarian on our hands and we do want some cash to spend we will have to deal with UTD. I can’t see Berbatov going to City although that would be hilarious if he did.
The most worrying news out of all of this is the Heskey bollocks. Say it aint true!!!!!!!!
September 1st, 2008 at 9:25 pm
Buy Michael Owen! Sent Zenit a basket of sorry fruit! Phone Reading and buy Doyle but please PLEASE DONT SIGN HESKEY! I dont think i could show up at work tomorrow! Come Levy Sort it out!!!!!!COYS
September 1st, 2008 at 9:42 pm
Just seen the tv pictures on SSN of Berbatov at Old Trafford. What a CUNT!!!!!
September 1st, 2008 at 9:47 pm
Yep - It’s all over, with the obvious conclusion.
So…Where is our FUCKING REPLACEMENT COMMOLI ??????????
(i’M NOT TALKING ABOUT H*SKEY)
September 1st, 2008 at 10:03 pm
Please let the Owen rumors be true. He would get bucket loads with bale and bentleys deliveries. Burkatov is a discrace and manure are welcome to him. Moody bitch. His wife must be a saint. COYS!
September 1st, 2008 at 10:08 pm
Ah well, at least Berbatov won’t be the biggest transfer of the night.
Robinho to Man City for 32mil.
September 1st, 2008 at 10:21 pm
No, I’ll bet Chelsea trump them. Little Bob won’t want to go to City either. Chelsea will match the offer and he’ll go to them.
The only way City can get him is if they offer a lot more than the £92,000 per week than they already have.
I love this deadline shit. I just wish it wouldn’t hurt the way it’s going to when we get those pictures of Berbatov all smiles shaking hands with the Chewing Gum Machine and his Juicy Fruit sticky paws.
I’m praying we’ve got three trades on the trigger as soon as the Dimi deal goes through.
The Bagel.
September 1st, 2008 at 10:22 pm
oh dear god - reportedly Frazier Campbell in part exchange for Berbatov.
You surely can tell the ambition of a club by its signings. And on that note, I’m off to bed.
I hope for a nice surprise in the morning. I fear I may be disappointed.
September 1st, 2008 at 10:35 pm
There are people all over the media discussing the legal ramifications of Utd talking to Berbatov without permission.
Surprising because not one of them has asked Spurs for any clarification, and there are NO direct quotes.
Either the whole of the media has gone to shite, or there is smoke.
Really though, there are pictures of him at Old Trafford - it has to be bollocks.
Oh fuck, I’m meant to be in bed.
September 1st, 2008 at 10:36 pm
I would be happy with Owen and maybe Campbell as back up. What do you think Bagel? A Dm and those to strikers would be bearible. Keane was bad but the way that diva has been getting on is bad for footie! Going to the wigan game on the 21st. Be good if i could see players who wanted to play in the shirts. COYS!
September 1st, 2008 at 10:52 pm
I can’t say I know the world about Frazier Campbell but for the first time the other day, I thought Michael Owen might be an option. The problem with him though is that he’ll never be fit. He’d be worth a punt at £5m if we can get him on the cheap but Keegan loves him, so I can’t see it.
Heskey, bizarrely, I could stomach. With Bentley and Bale on the deilvery, we could do a lot worse than a a 6′x6′ heading machine.
I’ve got them crossed for Veloso or the Liege dude and, call me crazy but I still hold a hope for the likes of Arshavin, Capel or Villa. There’s got to be one surpirse left.
The Bagel.
September 1st, 2008 at 10:53 pm
god I love your optimism, Bagel.
I’m all a bit doom and gloom tonight.
September 1st, 2008 at 11:08 pm
I knew you couldn’t sleep until it was done and dusted, Toby!
The Bagel.
September 1st, 2008 at 11:17 pm
Im sitting tight in bed hitting refresh on skysports, still wondering where our replacement plus others are…
September 1st, 2008 at 11:20 pm
You and me both Wattson. Obviously I’m not sat in your bed too. Or am I??
You’re right, Bagel.
And wahey - I was right for once! Madrid have confirmed they have reached an agreement to sell Robinho. Although, he came out and said he wanted to join Chelsea, so why now Man City?? It don’t make sense.
40 Mins left Levy, before I become terminally depressed.
September 1st, 2008 at 11:28 pm
berba looks way to happy at Man U. Knew it was inevitable but seeing him grinning after all the time he spent frowning and dummy spitting really rubs it in.
September 1st, 2008 at 11:30 pm
They still haven’t said that terms have been agreed with Little Bob, although I must admit it looks pretty damn likely now. There were talking about a loan on Sky, which could be interesting unless it’s a loan with a first refusal option to buy, unless of course Little Bob says ‘no.’ In a way that could be best for Chelsea so that they can see if he can cut it in the Prem.
Anyways. Still no god damn news. I’m going to brush me teeth.
The Bagel.
September 1st, 2008 at 11:35 pm
Big interview on 5 live - Lil Bobby is indeed a City player - Chelsea said to be ’stunned’ hahahahahahahahahahaha
Having read of our targets signing for other teams (Garcia and Milito) I feel we may be plum out of options.
Owen to Liverpool rumours surfacing. That would be the final ‘no exciting signings for us in the striker department’ nail in the coffin.
And no, I do not consider Frazier fucking Campbell as exciting.
September 1st, 2008 at 11:46 pm
I think if we were going to sign someone else there would be a few more reports of it. But there is nothing at the moment.
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:00 am
Yeah. Um, it’s midnight?
The Bagel.
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:01 am
is that it?
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:09 am
No, a few bits and pieces filter through still. Berba will go but I’d be surprised if we bring anyone in.
The Bagel.
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:11 am
I agree Bagel. Just doesn’t add up as it goes against everything Ramos has been saying about we will definitely have a replacement. Unless ofcourse young Campbell is part of the deal.
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:12 am
I look forward to reading Daniel Levy’s tirade about Manure’s behaviour in the Berbacunt saga on the Spurs website in the morning.
What a ridiculous day it’s been.
Layla tov, fellow yids (that’s Hebrew, by the way)
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:16 am
Well I guess I will go to bed optimistic that we have signed some wonder striker that nobody has heard of hence no rumours.
see you round like a rissole. (thats australian)
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:18 am
The whole Man City shenanigans… does this mean that there’s now a big five? Are we aiming for 6th as the glass ceiling? This’ll be an interesting season now…Ar5ena1 and ‘Pool must be shitting it!
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:23 am
am i more upset we didnt sign a striker/dm or is it because the whole transfer window is like the red light district on amsterdam. whores and pimps. Berbs is going bald anyway. Diva wab!
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:30 am
I’m hitting the hay too. I too await exciting news in the morning.
Layla Tov,
The Bagel.
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:37 am
30.75m reasons for Berbacunt to stop sulking…
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:56 am
Discrace! Knew Bitchatov was going and thats fine. But no offence Frazer Chambell is not world class (yet). And if he has a great year he just goes back to manure! WTF! Droping the complaint against Manure is bending over and spreading the cheeks. I am gutted, i bet Ramos isnt to happy either. Glory Glory was right. i wanted to be possitive about today but feel really let down. Fans and players deserve better surport from the board if we want to be a big club. Going to be a long hard season. Hopfully we and the players can just get on with it. Goodbye Berbs! dont let the door hit you on your way out! Ps i`m a pretty good 5 aside footballer Bagel. Very right footed but i`ll run all day and die for the shirt! You can pay me in bagels and i`ll never leave. COYS!
September 2nd, 2008 at 1:15 am
Fraizer Campbell (why couldn’t his parents spell properly?)…surely can’t be as bad as Rasiak/Rebrov/Booth. I would be surprised if we don’t spend the money from Manure in January. God know’s we’ll probably need to.
Even still, we’ve gone from Defoe, Keano, Berbacunt & Mido to Pavlyuchenko, Bent & Campbell in the space of 9 months. Hardly evidence of an ambitious board, eh? Not only that, but Pav is UEFA cup tied I think so that really limits the options.
All in all, I’m absolutely gutted right now. Money means everything & nothing in football (just like real life I suppose). The Man City takeover is probably just as bad news for football as a sulky Bulgarian cunt forcing a move to his ‘dream’ club.
Just watch Sky Sports suck Man City’s arse dry now…
September 2nd, 2008 at 2:51 am
Glory glory you are fast becoming one of my favorite people. I concur 100% with your veiws. The Man city fiasco is not good for football, in paticular the english game. I`m sure their long suffering fans will be loving the Bobbibo capture and are looking forward to the season ahead but remember Leeds? Big money backers using teams as play things will not end well. Back to us. Having fought off sleep and having time for the dust to settle i hope we can all look at the positives. We will indeed spend in the Jan window with smoothbum likley,the way Zenit phrased their statement of him not going this window says it all. A loan deal would be nice. You can still loan closed window right? Ramos also plays with one up top so plenty of time for our midfield to shake the fear and support the lone striker (whoever that is). The big russian looks a decent player and i think buying corluka was a smart move. Campbell i feel sorry for. I wonder was he even asked if he wanted to go to the lane? Slaves these players some of them ; / In conclusion (because its too late for a new signing) i think we all need to get behind Ramos in the hope that with the bitchatov saga ending the boys will gel and hand teams their asses, Oh and i really hope Fergie has a hard time with Sulkatov! That would make my happy. Keep the faith yids! COYS!
September 2nd, 2008 at 6:31 am
Right its morning and I am very a disappointed man right now.
Pavluychenko will be UEFA cup tied and he is already had a long season in Russia.Frazier Campbell
is young and untried although I heard he is quite talented but its loan. So that leaves Bent and if he
gets Injured we going to be very light up front.
One can’t help but feel someone has’nt been doing
their job.
I envy Man city right now
September 2nd, 2008 at 9:56 am
Wow, that was all pretty exciting.
I think we did quite well out of the Man City fiasco, and the way some of our rivals got a bit screwed is managing to bring a smile to my face.
Ol’ Red face had to swallow his pride and pay what we’d always asked for, once Abu Dahbi United came in for Berba. Far better he’s at Man Ure (we’re not even close to calling them direct rivals yet) than Man City (similar ambitions - well, until yesterday - to ourselves).
Chelsea got out-chelsea’d by Man City over Robinho - that’s got to bring an ironic grin to all football fans’ faces. Plus, I think he’ll be a bit shit, and possibly even moodier than Berba, once it becomes apparent he’s totally unsuited to the Premiership, and that it never stops raining in Manchester.
Let’s give Frazier a chance - from what i hear, he single-handedly got Hull promoted, he’s young and will be desperate to prove himself in the Premiership. If Hull, of all people, were prepared to pay £7m for him, they obviously think he’s got something, and who’s to say they’re wrong?
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:05 am
I’m trying to figure out what my intense feeling of depression this morning is due to:
1) Spurs
2) Weather
3) The fact that my fiance & I cannot afford to buy a house AND have a decent wedding - it’s one or t’other and now it looks like a small family affair only - how on earth do I tell my friends???
4) Spurs again.
I think it must be a mixture of all 4, but the one that annoys me the most is 3, considering the amount of money I’m talking about has probably been earned 1000 times over by Berbacunt’s agent over the past 11 hours or so…
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:24 am
Commolli is the cunt not doing his job.
That said, I think we all wanted to have a big name signing just to ease our fears about the season ahead. If you think about it, we got the defensive cover we wanted in Corluka and Ramos has said that he believes that he can also play defensive mid. Pav is a top player and if he adapts quickly to the prem he could be a great signing. Bent deserves his chance and now he will get the games to prove himself. This young Campbell may also want a chance to prove himself. Hopefully we now have players who want to play and work and not get the ump if they sit on the bench for 2 seconds like Defoe, Keane and Berbatov.
We already have the players to take us forward and the coach with the guile to get the best out of them. Let’s build a team that wants to win and fight together.
Yids!
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:29 am
GG
Sorry to hear about the house / weather / Spurs gloom.
As for your wedding. You may have to call it off? See, there is always a silver lining.
Chin up mate!
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:37 am
It would not be a surprise to see Fraizer Campbell given the number 23 shirt so that the Spurs shop can clear through old stocks of dusty kits & t-shirts… I’m sure Mr Levy would welcome the extra revenue and there’s bound to be some mugs who will buy it because it has the club badge on it
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:39 am
Cheers Hornchurch - nice one!
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:02 am
And we didn’t sign Heskey!!!!!!!
For a minute last night I was shitting it.
I’m feeling quite positive about the new Campbell. It’s a bit like the good old days when you would give a young un a chance to shine in the first team. These days we all want our clubs to spend millions in the hope of buying a ready made goal scoring machine. Rebrov anyone!
Money doesn’t gaurantee anything. (So, GG, a nice intimate family wedding sounds just perfect. Good luck and congrats by the way.)
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:32 am
Again, thanks Hornchurch (aka the Voice of Reason)!!
I do feel quite guilty & upset still that I happily spent £750 on a season ticket, but I still haven’t bought her a diamond.
Misplaced loyalty methinks - god knows she deseves the money spent on her much more than Spurs ever will.
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:44 am
Buying her a diamond would just add to the misery and exploitation of those poor slaves forced down the mines of Africa.
It’s the same with chocolates. Think of those poor peasants in Switzerland who day after day have to extract Toblerone with their bare hands from chocolate mines deep under the Alps. It’s a disgrace!
This calls for a song. I’m thinking Prague, Valentines day (to the tune of “She’ll be comin round the mountain”)
You can stick your red roses up your arse
You can stick your red roses up your arse
You can stick your red roses, stick your red roses, stick your red roses up your arse.
‘Cos I love Tottenham more than you - repeat
She does realise that there are 3 of you in this relationship?
September 2nd, 2008 at 12:45 pm
What about red noses/faces?
September 2nd, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Wattson
I now have this mental image of Fergie doing unmentionable things with Berbatov.
All part of the UTD initiation process no doubt.
September 2nd, 2008 at 1:15 pm
The pic on the BBC is hilarious - Fergie’s face is almost as red as Berbacunt’s new shirt!
September 2nd, 2008 at 2:38 pm
I can’t stand to look at him anymore or even
mention his name. Feel the same about that Irish
one. Red doesnt suit them at all…
September 2nd, 2008 at 5:27 pm
I heard on pretty good authority over the weekend that a deal has been signed to knock down WHL, turn the pitch 90 degrees and build a new 60,000 seater stadium right there. The only thing delaying the announcement is deciding where we will play while the work is being done.
September 2nd, 2008 at 7:19 pm
Fascinating stuff:
Levy and the board were prepared to block the move last night, and take Man Utd to court over their conduct. The final decision was left firmly at Ramos’s door (I like the way that happened)
He thought that it was best to draw a line, cash in on the player, as he was a ‘bad influence’ on the rest of the players, and start to move on.
I still think that Utd were a fucking disgrace, they did NOT have initial permission to talk to Berbatov, but knew that eventually the result would be Spurs selling.
However, in Juande we trust, and I think cashing in, and moving on is right in the long run. An hey, Man Utd are £700 Million in debt - fucking corporate pricks - and about to be eclipsed, as we all are, by their neighbours.
We already have £30 Million ready for January too…
September 2nd, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Great result at the weekend.
The final product — if this is indeed it until January — is not top four.
September 2nd, 2008 at 10:59 pm
A lot of very fine footballers are now onside.
That is to be taken seriously.
Well rid of anyone who doesn’t believe in the badge.. Chimbonda, Keane, and Berbatov disgraced themselves. May they fare better in their respective destinies. We will see.
The lenghty failure to bring in a second top-class striker is an unacceptable error; of judgement or ambition. Again.
If City can convince the world that money talks more than Champions League football,, then we should be cheering a new partnership that would deliver goalfests in the class & quantity of 2006-08.
The loan is another concern.. as is any future business with the North.