Beef Bagel

An away game on New Year’s Day is a real blessing; a televised one, doubly so. I very much doubt I was the only Spurs fan with a whopping hangover at midday and getting ready or even up was the last thing I wanted to be doing. I missed the last January 1st home fixture we had, which I believe was voted game of the season; the 5-1 demolition of Everton two years ago. Instead, I lay on an uncomfortable sofa, nursing an aching head and dented ego after I’d been blown out by just about every female in London but not this year. No, this year it was my friend, Will, with his swaying figure and desperate last minute chat up line, who took the honours,

‘Would you like me to give you a kiss or a punch in the face? It’s your choice.’ Surprise, surprise he woke up in the same room as me, sharing a nearby section of hard wooden floor.

Thankfully, my pains were not a scratch on what I felt on the morning of the 30th (see Liverpool report) and I was looking forward to a day down the pub to watch the fixture on TV that I will never attend again, unless that is, they build a roof on the away stand at Fratton Park. A miserable Boxing day three or so years ago had seen to that, when myself, my mate Charlie (a Yiddo through and through) and Jimmy Nocard (nee Stuffing) had made the dreary trip down to witness a woeful performance and thorough soaking, on a day normally associated with good food, warmth and relaxation. I will always hate Portsmouth for that, let alone the presence of the Campbell.

It didn’t seem like there was a lot to prove, despite the four ex-Spurs in the Pompey side but the fixture certainly started off with a bang. Unfortunately for Hossam Ghaly, that bang was the sound of four of his teeth being wrenched from his mouth as they were met by the outstretched boot of Noe Pamarot and if any of you have seen the full back live, you’ll remember the size of his thighs and the power that that kick must of contained.

Just look at those whoppers.

The incident was called for dangerous play but if you ask me, which is irrelevant because I’m going to tell you anyway, it’s a pretty grey area. Ghaly’s head was low and Noe’s leg was noe higher than 90 degrees. The studs were up but then where does it end? Are you not allowed to clear a low ball because the opposition striker is going for a diving header?

Whatever the case, my first reaction was that it was soft on Ghaly’s part. The blood all over his face and subsequent slow-mo’s complete with flying ivories proved otherwise. Huge respect for Ghaly for playing on at all. I’d have been crying my way to hospital, ‘My face, my beautiful face!’

There will be nothing negative about our Egyptian warrior today. For now, he is The Bagel’s special soldier. Let me see if I can find the incident. Yep, here we go…

…hard to see on this resolution but trust me, teeth on a trajectory to the top left of the screen. Nasty.

So, face kicking aside, what did we make of it all. As away performances go, it wasn’t too bad. Either team could’ve walked away with it and in some ways, I feel it was unlucky we didn’t. They looked like a decent side but very beatable. Despite, our goal being made and scored entirely by the midfield, I still feel it’s here, where we’re not first bossing the game and then creating the chances. We’re just not zipping the ball about as one, with that knowledge and assurance that all good sides do. Top teams don’t stop to think what pass is on or what run to make. They’re almost always mid flow. We just look like we’re waiting for something to happen and when you haven’t got control of the game, you don’t get to wait that long.

The Man Mountain had a quiet game, with Murphy, clearly aware of the transfer window, actually picking up his game even more. He may well have done enough. There wasn’t a lot the strikers did wrong. They shot well and true with David James the hero for Pompey and one wouldn’t even blame the defence for the goal; a lucky deflection through and through. It wasn’t a thrilling affair and I spared a thought for the travelling fans as I watched the heavens open on screen from the warmth and safety of my nice, dry pub. Sorry you lot, couldn’t resist.

In fact, the only issue I have with the performance is a decision made by MJ. Sack face Redknapp went for broke in the last fifteen when he brought on Andy Cole for Gary O’Neill. Surely, this played right into our hands. Although not easy, we were coping at the back when the questions were asked and this move would only serve to open up the midfield in our favour and finally give us the time and space to create some chances. But instead, MJ decided to go for the point by subbing on Baby Face Gardner at the expense of Steed, who’d looked reasonable all game. Why go for one point when the odds were as good for getting two?

The game, of course finished a tie and I wont post the goals because they’re just not that interesting. So there. Besides, we’ve more important things to talk about because it’s finally here. Yes, ladies and gentlemen that is a chill you feel in the air. It’s January and the window is wide open.

Now you may be wondering why The Bagel has made no comment on the fact that MJ & Comolli have wasted no time in making a couple of purchases. Before the sash was even half open their hands reached out to the brisk winter air and yanked two youngsters into the warmth of the Tottenham household. The Bagel has said not a word because these deals had already been done. I have said all there is to be said, well on the Alnwick/Fulop move anyway. As for Adel Taarabt, the only surprise here is that we’ve initially taken the kid on loan; probably a very good idea as it goes but reports in France are suggesting that the loan includes a clause, whereby we and we alone have first dibbs on him for the price of around £2.35m, fixed all that time ago. We’re leasing him with the option to buy. The only other piece of amusement here is that we beat both the North London and West London scum for his signature. Still can’t find any of his work on to show you, so I guess we’ll have to just see for ourselves.

The two biggest transfer storms so far are those of Watford left winger, Ashley Young and Saints left full back, Gareth Bale. Now Gareth, who The Bagel has profiled before, has attracted more interest than an electric toothbrush in an all girls dormitory. George Burley has received enquiries from…wait for it…Newcastle, Liverpool, Arsenal, Real Madrid and apparently offers from Man U and of course our very good selves. Sources say that we were first in with a bid of £3m, so as far as I’m concerned, all the others are just copycats. Obviously, Southampton weren’t too impressed, seeing as they rate the player at £7m and indeed why shouldn’t they. The Chewing Gum Machine came in next with an improved £5m and naturally got the same treatment.

Saints fans and I know a few, are biting the nails to the knuckle on this one. They don’t want to see him go, the club don’t want to see him go and apparently he’s not ready to leave for pastures new just yet anyway. The problem is that the pack of wolves, that are the Premiership clubs and the one chasing Spanish Chihuahua, are adding a hell of a lot of pressure. Burley’s got promotion to think about and Bale’s goals are very much part of that plan. So, it seems simple, right? Keep him till the summer and then cash in, if that’s what everyone still wants to do and indeed MJ and Red Face Fergie have been given the financial go ahead to punch it out for the prize of the wonderkid come June.

The slight hic-up is that by the time the good weather is upon us once more, Bale will only have a year left on his contract and suddenly his value begins to fall. This leaves south coast chairman, Michael Wilde, with two choices: extend Bale’s contract on a much higher wage or let him go now for an extraordinary sum. It looks like they’re going for the former and indeed, ready to break some records in the process but if the full back takes after another British international in the same position, it may not be enough.

So, what does this mean for us? Nothing. He’s still not coming our way. Never going to happen. Next.

The next storm, although as yet and you’ll see why in a minute, not quite as torrential, surrounds one Ashley Young. The 21 year old’s been catching some eyes with good performances for the struggling Hornets and rumour has it that the bitch that is Watford has already rejected our horney advances, as well as those of Villa, to the tune of £5m and is currently dealing with the added anno-genital sniffs from the hounds that are Arsenal and Liverpool. It’s all rather animal today. I wonder what’s on my mind?

So…what do we know about this man of the hour. He’s 5′9″ or 5′11″, depending upon who you believe but most sources agree he’s just over 10 stone. The bottom line is, ‘not a big guy’ but then he’s a winger, he doesn’t have to be. Here’s his head…

…as they try out the new top secret set piece, known as ‘Horsey, horsey.’

For those of you who’ve missed his the player so far this season. Here’s what’s on offer…

…all right, well I couldn’t find any of his footwork but I did find something much, much better. Don’t miss the end. Genius.

…they’ll get used the press eventually.

Naturally, Aidy Boothroyd has no desire to see the player leave and although Watford have stood firm so far, he does admit that if the player wants to go and they get a big enough price, then anything is possible.

“If and when the time is right, and he wants to go, he will go. But the price has to be right, and it has to mean the club will be improved.”

Some simple wisdom. The added bonus to this one is due to the ’special relationship’ between player and coach, who goes on to say,

“I have a very good relationship with Ashley Young. We have a relationship where I will tell him the clubs that have been in and he will tell me that he’s been tapped up, because that goes on allegedly.”

A nice little warning to the circling sharks or bottom sniffing dogs or whatever. If indeed some tapping up already has gone on, which this statement suggests there has, then it could just be the blackmail the struggling club will need to prevent their man leaving before their season is well and truly over.

Verdict on this one? No move until the summer when Watford go down.

As for the older stories, we have a development or two. The latest news in Neillgate is that we can add AC Milan and Barcelona to the list of the English sales buddies, Liverpool, Newcastle and the Spurs (I’m thinking a shell suited scally lass, a big busted, bouncing Gerodie slapper spilling out of her top and a North London princess let loose together in Harrods). The Blackburn full back’s got some thinking to do and I’m guessing he’s not going to want to play second fiddle to Bonders. So, unless he fancies working out of position, then we wont be seeing him in a Lilywhite shirt.

Taking a better turn is the story of Matthew Upson, who’s agent has finally socked it to Steve Bruce, who’s pudgey photofit face could probably barely feel it anyway, that the centre half will be leaving.

“Matthew will not be signing a new contract at Birmingham. He believes his future lies elsewhere and has ambitions to play at the highest level.

Even if Birmingham make him an offer he can’t refuse…. he will refuse it!”

It doesn’t really get much clearer than that. Now all we have to do is fight is out with Newcastle and Liverpool…oh and Chelsea as well this time.

Even better still though, is a report I’ve read saying that we already agreed a deal with Derby for their young star in the Man Mountain mould, Giles Barnes. Now, this was a most unofficial source, where I gleaned the news but as much as rumours are often bullshit, it’s very unusual for anyone to state that a deal has been done without any truth in the matter at all. Keep ‘em peeled over the next few days or sit back and let The Bagel do it for you.

Happy New bagel.

The Bagel.

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 4th, 2007 at 3:48 am and is filed under Match Reports, Transfer News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.