Beef Bagel

Apologies once again for being AWOL on Thursday but I simply…well, I think you got the message. Naturally, we weren’t exactly feeling full of beans first thing the morrow after as the filthbags snatched a draw from the jaws of defeat but The Bagel wrote no official match report for once good reason. Why write up the game when we’ve only reached half time? There’s plenty of drama as yet to unfold but more on that nearer the time.

For now, we’ve another game to discuss and that’s our FA Cup tie against the Sea-sea-sea-siders Southend, from which I have just returned and am currently thawing out beside the ovens at the Bakery. So, 3-1 and pretty comfortable at that. No real resistance from The Shrimpers, who only managed a goal via a penalty from Ghaly’s handball that I can only assume was justified, despite the usual outrage of many of many of the Spurs about me. As usual, the lower division club enjoyed a good sing-song on their day out and good on them given the circumstances, particularly as we referred to them as pikie’s throughout the ninety minutes. Strangely, they were sat in the South Stand, while the real Park Lane fans were placed in the away stand. Had me a little confused for a while but it did spawn the best chant of the night,

‘Who’s the pikie, who’s the pikie, who’s the pikie in my seat?

As for matters on the pitch, no actually you should also know about the stranger next to me. Huge. Bloody huge. Didn’t realise until he sat down. Towered over me and took up a good deal of my seat with his love handles. I had to sit there, shoveling his rolls off fat of my lap and tried to tuck them under in arms while he wasn’t watching. And you know what else? Even worse breath than Omar’s; a filthy mixture of warm booze and stale kebabs wafting down mingling with his cheap cologne and wafting up into my nostrils like some evil Bisto ad. He was also convinced that Ghaly and Lee were by far and away the best players on the pitch. At least the Junior Harpy was sitting a few rows away and mercifully hoarse after a night of God knows what filth. Probably standing there, in her Tottenham tracksuit, having a screaming match with her Waynetta of a mum over a six pack of Special Brew, a crate of Lambert & Butler and some unfortunates pustuled cock up her arse.

So yes, what of the players themselves? Well, we started with a few changes; some of our bigger guns rested. Cerny, in for Robbo, had a good game and looked comfortable, or more to the point, made The Bagel feel comfortable up until added time, when he decided to take piss and try a little dink instead of a clearance to fool the Southend striker. This did not work too well and I’m looking forward to seeing the replay later on when we get to see just how close they came to making it 3-2.

New signing Ricardo Rocha was blooded alongsigde Safety First and it could’ve been a strange introduction to English football if the visitors had made it a typical Cup tie by ignoring the ball and kicking our players all game but if Rocha’s rep is anything to go by, that may’ve been a fixture that would’ve suited him better. All the same, the newbie had a solid if uneventful game. He’s chunky enough, good with his feet, decent in the air and well capable of Dawsonesque midfield headers, which actually led to an odd moment, where they both went for the same one. The only thing I can’t tell you is about his pace. He looks little waddley in his gait and I’m referring to ducks rather than ex-Yiddo Chris but doesn’t mean he’s slow. Nice round of applause for the man as he came out onto the pitch. Very much looking forward to his christening.

Stalteri was out to give Chimbondabonda a break. No comment. Mido was in for the injured Berbatov. I don’t want to comment. Ah, shit. I suppose I’d better. He’s was pretty damn lack luster in the first half with ‘concrete in his legs’ as Olivia put during our half time meeting along with my mate Charlie (a Yiddo through and through). He jumped a little more than last time we saw him but he’s still looking for the easy ball and doesn’t look prepared to put the work in. I may be wrong and totally unfair to the Big Gypo but I just get the impression he thinks he’s as good as Berbatov and all he wants to do is score goals himself to prove so. He took a ridiculous long shot in the first few minutes when he could have put Keano through, much to the Irishman’s annoyance, which verged on disbelief. If Mido could except being second choice and actually put the effort in, then he’d be a real asset to us. As we saw last season, he is affective when he plays properly and works well as a target man but for fuck’s sake pull your finger out man.

It may be he’s just not feeling it after his injury, it may be the back problem that took him off after 85 minutes, it may be that Rockabilly haircut he seems to be crafting and it may be that none of it matters a jot if indeed we switch him for Sylvain Dustbin plus cash (in our favour) as reports are suggesting. This would all be very well but with our Beloved Bulgarian on the treatment table we’d need a back up big man? The answer here could put more solid stuff in a gassy rumour that we’ve got eyes on St. Etienne forward, Frederic Piquionne and at over 6′1″, that’d make a lot of sense. The 28 year old has fall out with his club officials over a move to Lyon but such a deal is unlikely given the rivalry between the two clubs. So, according to French institution L’Equippe, we are the latest club along with the list of usual suspects (think Newcastle, Portsmouth, West Ham), to be connected with the striker.

So, what’s he like? Well, I’ve had a little trawl about and aside the odd gift of a goal, all I can find is some sort of criminal minute and a half photo montage of the man to some truly diabolical French Canadian R&B, featuring Sealion Dion of all people. View it at your peril.

I am however, reliably informed by my French counterpart, Le Bagel, that despite the strikers stature, he’s all about speed and technique rather than heading and link play. Not what we’re after but all the same, here’s his head…

…telling the bench exactly which of potty he’s about to need.

Real Betis & PSG are also supposed to be interested and with so many suitors and his lack of suitabililty, a move for Piquionne is a very long shot but an further twist lies in a certain English club, who have also made enquiries, namely Everton.

With McFadden and now Andy Johnson facing time on the sidelines, David Moyes is understandably looking for some back up but other sources have linked ourselves with the out of favour James Beattie and perhaps why the scary eyed ginger boss is looking elsewhere. The figure suggested is 4.5m smackers, which wouldn’t be unreasonable if the player can recapture any of his Southampton form. Anyone, who saw him take us apart 3-0 four or so years ago will know what I’m talking about.

It’s questionable as to whether he’d be happy to play second fiddle again and despite a heavy scent to this rumour, I’m just feeling it deep down within my yeast and crumbs but perhaps that’s because I’m holding out for a different man altogether, a man that would be happy enough to play back up, a man that would actually be more of an equal to the Great Dimitar, a man whose work rate would never be in question, a definite target man and a man, who’s even worn our shirt before. You worked out who it is yet? I’ll give you a clue…

…that’s right, you got it. It’s Peter Crouch.

Very hard to tell how much truth there is in this one though, particularly as an approach from Newcastle has already been rejected but perhaps it’s a question of being able to take the boy out of Tottenham but not the Tottenham out of the boy.

The Bagel seems to have side-tracked himself quite cleverly and now I’m at a point, where the rest of the transfer news seems far more important than the post mortem of Saturday’s game, given the closing of the winter sales in three days time and the fact that I’ve just taken around three wrong buses on my way back to the Bakery and I’ve just found out I’ve got to be up in 5 hours time. Really looking forward to that one. So, I’ll save my JJ praising and Ghaly bashing until another day but I’ll be getting back to you Hossam. Mark my words.

There’s four things to say and I’m going to keep it brief.

1. We were linked with Portsmouth’s Matt Taylor. Never going to happen.

2. I seem to remember Allardyce being after Baby Face Gardner. Could be a runner but all depends upon securing Sylvain Dustin first.

3. Davids is definitely off. Expect to have heard that his move to Ajax has been finalised by the time you’re reading this. The Pitbull’s going back to the kennels, where he grew up and finish up his playing days in Holland. There’ve been stories of a bust up between him and MJ and although exaggerated they seem to be based in fact:

“I felt it was good for the club to have a player like him (Davids),” said MJ. “He had a good season but we have had some new players coming in - Tom Huddlestone is one for the future and I chose to play him,”

“It was difficult for Edgar to take.”

I’m picturing a whirling dervish with goggles. Isn’t understatement a wonderful thing.

It’ll be sad to see the guy go like this but it’s probably for the best. Cheers Eddie. It was a pleasure to have such a football legend in our shirt.

4. Gareth Bale looks like he’s coming to us. Fergie’s more or less conceded the race after United’s latest bid was rejected by Southampton:

‘Southampton said no to us because they are looking for more money, which they have every right to do,’ sad the Chewing Gum Machine.

‘I am not exactly sure what Tottenham have offered but they have offered more and that puts them in pole position.

The bid we made for Gareth reflected his potential. There were a series of build-ups in it because we have to protect our own club’s assets too. We offered an initial fee with add-ons depending on how many games he plays, international caps and so on.’

All fair enough but I couldn’t help but feel a little bitterness towards perhaps ourselves and certainly “the boy” when Fergie finished it up with:

‘There are so many examples of young players being given a chance at this club, no-one could dispute the fact they will get opportunities. Maybe the boy himself would need to assess that.’

However it goes and whatever we will have ended up spending (£10m straight up?), it seems the kid would have been worth it. Expensive, given that both the scum and United have both pulled out but a good player as both were in for the full back in the first place.

Should all be sorted out by Tuesday but we wont b seeing him at the Lane till next season as, whoever Burly ends up doing business with has to loan Bale back to the Saints to help with their promotion push. Probably al good for the player anyway.

One bad piece of news before I hit the hay. Ledley’s suffered a set back on his bruised foot, in that it is still bruised, which is most odd after two weeks but then with both my knees still smarting from celebrations at WHL a good three games ago, I can appreciate that it’s quite possible.

Bageled black and blue.

The Bagel.

This entry was posted on Monday, January 29th, 2007 at 4:10 am and is filed under Match Reports, Transfer News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.