Beef Bagel

When The Bagel approached me to write an article for BeefBagel.com, I was a little anxious. I’ll be honest with you - and prepare yourself for this – I am not a Tottenham fan. I actually support Man United. There. The truth is out there.

However, I like reading the BeefBagel, and I harbour no ill-feelings towards Tottenham whatsoever. I even harbour guilt over the Roy Carrol incident. Apologies to all the folks at WHL. Yes, you were robbed.

You know, on the plus side I have been to WHL. As a supporter of Spurs. I cheered them on against Fulham (courtesy of The Bagel’s overhwhelming generosity-ness).

But the over-riding fact remains that I am not one you. I am, in fact ‘one of them’. So to speak.

Anyway - that aside - I couldn’t resist the opportunity to write an article for The Bagel… so I put the matter of club support in a box and chained it up and threw it into the sea of ‘out-of-the-way’, and put my writing cap on. Here follows that very article.

Well, actually, it’s not really an article - it’s an interview.

I decided not to write an article and compete with The Bagel’s witty prose. I didn’t want to embarrass the poor guy. No, I decided I would take my fifteen minutes of beef-filled fame and do something different with it. I’d boldy go where no bagel has gone before. I’d take the BeefBagel to the streets. I decided to conduct an interview.

But who should I interview? Martin Jol? No way. Far too scary. Sepp Blatter? Way too insane. Mrs Danny Murphy? I wish. Only in my dreams.

No. What in fact follows is a genuine transcript of an interview I conducted with Vic Callow, ex-premiership referee, administrator at Birmingham FC, and newly elected club President at Solihull FC.

Some of you may know Vic, but for those of you who don’t… tough! Cos, I couldn’t find a picture of his head, or even a pic of him in action. And he wouldn’t supply me one either! (“My face cracks lenses.”)

Instead… I’ve drawn his head:

Anyway, hilarious sketching aside, Vic is an interesting guy. I spent a good hour chatting with him and believe me, he is full of good stories about life refereeing in the premiership. Be warned - he has some strong opinions about the game and some ‘interesting’ thoughts on Spurs. But stick with him. He’s a ref – he stands for truth and justice and the American way.

So… Without further ado… Read on my friends… read on…

————————————————————

GREEDO’s INTERVIEW WITH VIC CALLOW, EX-PREMIERSHIP REFEREE:

————————————————————

Q. Mr. Vic Callow, you were a Premiership referee for eleven years - who was the best player you saw during that time?

A. Technically speaking, I’d say Martin Keown. Not a flair player of course, but good at what he needed to do.

Q. I see. You’re not an Arsenal fan are you?

A. I am. Although, I’m also President at Solihull at the moment, so I best say them. We’re doing well too. Solihull, that is.

Q. You officiated some of the biggest games during the 1998-99 season, which would you say was your favourite?

A. Well the North London derby is always a tough but rewarding one, especially with a vested interest. But, on the whole, I think I was fair enough on both teams.

Q. Now that time has passed are you able to elaborate on the controversial decisions you made in the Everton vs. Blackburn league cup game, where you sent off four players?

A. Well. I don’t like to go over old decisions, but I felt that I had to stamp my authority and it may seem petty, but I’d like to think that if I hadn’t sent them off for, admittedly, minorish offences, the whole game would have turned into a blood bath. Although those players hadn’t actually committed out-and-out red card offences - I stamped my authority and saved some broken legs.

Q. In your opinion is that something that all modern referees try to do? ‘Stamp their authority’ on a game?

A. They should. There’s too much nonsense thrown at them by the modern player, it’s time to fight back.

Q. By which you mean with the introduction of a ‘fourth official’, the utilisation of technology in the game, that sort of thing?

A. Fourth Official? No. Too many cooks spoil the broth - that’s all you need to know - they have enough trouble with the substitute board and we’re meant to take their input from the touchline. So, no thanks…

Supporters have no respect for the ref anymore, we can’t get everything right, but that’s what makes the game interesting - the errors. You wouldn’t expect a striker who missed an open goal to be allowed to take it again, so you wouldn’t expect us to change our minds on a penalty - it’s exactly the same.

Q. That’s an interesting point of view. But there’s been a lot of talk about referees getting things wrong recently. There is talk of having them conduct after match interviews with the press to explain their actions. Do you think this would ease some of the issues surrounding controversial decisions some referees seem to make?

A. Absolutely not. The referee’s decision should be absolutely final; Mark Hughes and Martin Jol should keep their traps shut about all of this. No game ever turned on ONE refereeing decision. Managers use the ref as an excuse for their own shortcomings.

Q. You are referring, of course, to the recent Blackburn vs. Spurs game where Martin Jol was sent to the stands in the closing moments for protesting the ref’s decision? The online spurs blog ‘BeefBagel.com’ said that the referee’s decisions “ruined the game”, that the decision to send off Tugay was “not a good decision”, that Martin Jol had “undoubted complaints”. Care to comment?

A. Yes. It is unimportant what anyone else thinks but the referee, he has to make the decision on the spur of the moment and I would back him 125%. Both managers and sets of supporters are too involved to see it objectively, theirs was a professional foul and an elbowing - both red card offences - they’re just bitter because they both wanted the points and didn’t get them.

Q. Care to comment on your Paul Gascoigne decision? Some people think of you as the official who ushered in the modern no-nonsense approach to dealing with foul-mouthed abusive footballers. (Some BeefBagelers may not know that Vic sent off a young Paul Gascoigne for a torrent of swearing while playing for Spurs in a game against Man United)

A. Well, it makes me sad to think back to those days, such a talent, wasted - but he always had such a bad attitude - I won’t take abuse, I just won’t. Even off the pitch. I sometimes think that up at White Hart Lane they forget to teach their players any respect. Sadly the whole game is going that way too.

Q. I want to ask you about Anders Frisk. Have you met him?

A. I have yes; we had a UEFA ref’s get-together in Prague. I got on famously with him.

Q. Were the reasons behind his premature retirement discussed? (Frisk claims to have received death threats following his handling of the Barcelona v. Chelsea game in the Champions League)

A.

Q. Talking of partying. Mike Reed famously punched the air with delight when Liverpool scored a goal he was refereeing at Anfield. He said he was congratulating himself ‘for playing an advantage that led to the goal when a knee-jerk reaction could have been to blow the whistle instantly’. Should referees celebrate doing a good job?

A. Well, I’ve never done that when my team has scored, he maybe should have kept that to himself - he should be proud of his job, but never gloat about success in front of the crowds.

Q. BeefBagel.com recently ran an article on Danny Murphy’s wife. Here’s her head (emailed). Do you think WAGs have a negative impact on the game? Some people say they were responsible for England’s defeat at the World Cup. Do you agree?

A. Definitely. Yes. I’m not a sexist, and I won’t say anything bad about a woman, but frankly there is just no place in or around football for them. It’s distracting.

(Vic receives the email containing Mrs Murphy’s head)

Oh. You don’t get them like that in Solihull.

Okay, Vic. Just a few rapid-fire questions to end with…

Q. Wayne Rooney or Paul Gascoigne?

A. Both too mouthy for their own good.

Q. Favourite colour?

A. Ha ha! Red of course!

Q. Golden Goal or Penalties?

A. Pens, none of the modern crap.

Q. Who should Spurs fill their left-wing problems with?

A. Not Stuart Downing, that’s for sure.

Q. Favourite Bagel filling?

A. Burger for me, thanks.

—————

CALL ME GREEDO

This entry was posted on Friday, November 24th, 2006 at 10:55 pm and is filed under F.O.B - Friends of The Bagel. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.