Beef Bagel

Quite a fascinating gambit of news today and yesterday and none more so than the rumour that our 60,000 seater Mega-Lane is to go ahead while the Spurs continue to play at WHL. It should be done by 2011/12 - which probably translates to 2013 - and as Wilson correctly pointed out yesterday it will mean a one-year migration to the new MK Dons 30,000 seater stadium which should just about squeeze in the season ticket holders, the players wives and not too much else. I should imagine the away players will have to change in the car park.

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I’ve got to admit, I was a little nervous about all this takeover speculation yesterday. It doesn’t make any difference who and what and where they’re from the Middle East of the Far East or East London. The fact is that General Levy is doing a good job and The Bagel wants him to stay.

I got the impression when all those United fans took to the streets before the Glazier family took over and it seemed they were more bothered about their English club falling into the hands of Americans than the leadership of their football business. I don’t think there’s any room for xenophobia in football. How can you bitch about foreign money in the game when half your side comes from abroad?

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It amazes me how still we dig up stories of transfer news but dig them up we do. You’d have thought with the window shut not 3 weeks ago there’d be no tapping at the glass, no breathing at the pane and only a few comedy shapes drawn into the condensation; let’s face it probably genitalia or maybe footballs in this case. But no story well forgoten

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Bagels and gentlemen, this represents the last of the mid-night posts. Yes, this is my last night shift. New job and new sleep patterns as of Monday - at bloody last - and naturally a whole new Beef Bagel routine. Not sure how all the timing’s going happen. I’ve a feeling I’m actually expected to work at work in this next position, so I’ve been playing as much poker and as many internet games as possible this evening between Cheshire Cat grins and insulting all the people I’ve disliked over this last four months. Yes, I think we can safely say The Bagel has burnt his bridges.

Ok, I know what you’re saying to yourselves; I know, you don’t have to tell me. I can feel it in the sweat of your mouse clicking fingers. The question you’re asking is “How long before he mentions it? It’s got to be first on his list of transfer rumours,” and you’re right, of course it is. I know it’s a little on the hopeful side but yes, I’ve read the stories and I’m just as excited as you are. Ladies and gentlemen we may be getting rid of Younes Kaboul this summer.

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It’s just after 2am and I’m still rammed with salt beef. If you opened my mouth you could probably see the pinky ends of the meat fibres poking up in front of my soft palate. I nearly choked on a piece as I sat munching on my third mustard-laden sandwich. “Oh my God,” I thought for a second gasping through beef juice bubbles, “what a way for The Bagel to check out. I’m about to die a comedy death!” Fortunately, it was more my over-developed sense of the dramatic than a life-threatening incident of meat inhalation.

So here I am, alive, full and ready to discuss the details of a few of the strikers tipped to pick up where Sergei Bent and the Little Yiddo haven’t and didn’t quite take off. The name on everyone’s lips this week is Sevilla from Brasilia, Luis Fabiano. He’s actually from Campinas, nowhere near Brasilia but it also sounds nowhere near as good. Luis Fabiano Clemente, as his full name goes, is in his footballing peak at 27 years old and has picked up a healthy strike rate in his two years at Sevilla with a goal every other game. He’s 6′ tall and makes a strong enough target at over 13 stone. Here’s his head…

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With much written about Juande’s proposed summer clear-out and the message to the players that the rest of this season is important in shaping the team, I thought we could have a little fun today. Let’s each be Ramos, just for Juande. Get it?

Anyway, what I’d like you to do for our collective amusement and to chip away at the hours until the weekend is put the Tottenham squad into three separate category according as whether or not they should be sold: Untouchable, Wouldn’t Lose Any Sleep and Dust. You’ve no need to write explanations unless you wish but just remember to keep a very pensive face so that everyone in your office thinks you’re doing proper work. Here’s mine:

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It’s the waiting that really gets me.

I gaze over at the clock. The luminous hands tell what I already know, only this time they have moved a whole five minutes: 3:45 am. I turn my head the other way and observe the enormous, dark mound next to me. It’s MrstheYid. Eight hours earlier I had been greeted with the words I have been preparing to hear for the last 8.9 months:

“I’ve had this back pain all day, I think it may be on its way.”

A thousand thoughts run through my head but one really sticks, drowning everything else out – Your baby is on its way, Toby.

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Kevin Keegan and Alan Shearer. Are they gluttons for punishment? How to destroy two of your club heroes in one firmly thrown stone. Passion they may have and even some experience but not a brain cell between them and I’d say the same for the Barcodes board if they actually make to appoint them. Why is it the Newcastle fans look back to Keegan’s work at their club over 15 years ago rather than his managerial career since? Sure he got Fulham and City promoted but he didn’t do much with them when they made it to the Premiership and he’s going to be going up against a very different league than when he last took the reigns of the Small Club from Scotland. Personally, what I like best about the story is that he’s still wearing the same shell suit he was when he “Loved it” back in 1996. Good luck to whoever takes role - not so much a poisoned challis as a straight bullet to the head.

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What is the point of having a second goalkeeper if you never use them? Radek Cerny must have been looking at himself every morning in the mirror wondering what else had to happen before he could actually get a game for the first team at Spurs. Robbo’s been under the microscope ever since that goal in Zagreb, with each end every mistake slowly adding up to a problem just too heavy in negatives for it to equal anything else. Should we be sad and upset that he was dropped? No. We’ve got another keeper and if he can play without carrying the ball into his own net or without his own brand of defensive howlers, then he should be used.

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January 3rd? Just three days of the transfer window gone and I’m all ready exhausted. It certainly takes its toll when your club is on the wrong end of the biggest story of the winter sales. Word today is that it’s going to cost the right suitor one whopping great bag of cash for the signature of the world’s favourite Bulgarian and I’m starting to see this picture that’s being drawn between Emil Dantchev and the Tottenham Board.

The latest update is from a press conference with Ramos who, looking rather depressed in his Italian leather jacket, said:

“It (speculation) is normal because the transfer window has just opened, but we want this footballer to stay with us.”

“He is here now and unless somebody comes along with an offer that is too good to refuse, he will stay here and we are happy to have him.”

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