Beef Bagel

Right, after yesterday’s weird half post thing, I, have got, a bucket load of news and things and bits and pieces today. Let’s see how much The Bagel can squeeze in. It’s a tale the keepers that we really must get done before it’s all too late.

Yesterday, entirely unsubstantiated rumour was that we were this close - and you have to imagine me with my thumb and index finger very close together indeed - to wrapping up a deal for Cameroonian keeper, Carlos Kameni. Word has it, we’ve settled on a £4m for his current employers Espanyol and £30k per week for Kameni himself and if that’s good with everyone else, that’s good enough for me.

The other one to spring up was for the Matthew Hoggard of football, Robert Green and in some act of speculative lunacy, someone out there has come up with a transfer fee of £10m! You’ve got to be bloody kidding? I think Bobby G’s a good keeper, quite Robbo-esque before he caught crazy-keeper disease, as only recently recovered by David James, but he’s not really a step up. He’s good but he’s not £10m good. In fact, I think I’d rather buy Jamo is we were to take another keeper from Blighty. Of course there’s even Ben Foster in the mix but I haven’t heard much about that deal for a while.

The one I’d rather is Heurelho Gomes. Now that’s a keeper who’d command something closer to a £10m transfer fee. There’s all manner of competition for the Brazilian’s signature and the guy himself is not very happy with his current club PSV but there’s news today that the 6′4″ superkeeper is going a-nowhere.

“We are very clear about Gomes: it’s not for nothing that we’ve continuously upgraded and extended his contract,” said PSV chairman Frits Schuitema. “We don’t want to see Gomes go at all. We would be mad to let him go.”

And more interestingly still…

“We have had no indications whatsoever that other clubs want to sign him.”

Oh, really? So how can he say that he’s not going to sell Gomes when we haven’t as yet made them the offer they can’t refuse? It’ll be Don Levy with cotton wool stuffed in his mouth, a fedora and suit jacket draped over his shoulders with his aids Whispers Juande Ramos and Comolli the hot-head. “Accidents happen Mr Schuitema, like the killing of you by us.”

Right, we’re to have poll - a Beef Bagel first for you. Put your fantasy money where you safely-hidden, internet-protected mouths are. Who do you want to buy?