The Bagel’s Spurs striker watch
I don’t think I’ve ever known the transfer season to move so damn quickly. We’ve got more links than a seaside golf course, so I’m going to have to talk about the stuff that’s looking genuine only - for now.
You’ll have to excuse me if I’m a little curt today. I’ve just been on the phone to Ikea, suffering the torture of the Greensleeves hold music only to be cut off twice when I was trying to give me order number. There’s nothing quite like the feeling of screaming obscenities down the phone at someone going, “Hello? Hello? Is there anyone there?”, particularly when you forget you’re in a quiet office. I’m getting some slightly frightened looks.
Now, the rumour that’s got me all a-twitter is the resurfacing of the one from Christmas over Lyon’s Brazilian striker, Dave. The 24-year-old big man striker looks like a reasonable, if likely expensive and probably not as good, replacement for Dimitar the Great and may well even come with the sulky attitude to match. All we have to do is stick a wig on his head tied up with a shoelace and no one will even notice.
Now this one jumped out from the middle of nowhere in the best possible way. His agent and brother - God help us - blabbed after it emerged that Dave was to meet with Comolli at the Lane to thrash out a deal. He told premier French sports rag L’Equippe:
“Comolli is coming with a new offer. If it is good, Fred (Dave) will sign for Tottenham.”
See, that makes it kind of easy for us. All we have to do is want him enough to pay what foreign players see as English wages, which unfortunately not what we often pay at Spurs, despite what may or may not have been offered to Eto’o.
The Bagel has a good feeling about this one though. There’s a good chance that Levy & Co. will attempt pay Lyon with a few mill up front and the rest thrown over the channel in 1 Euro coins every Friday 13th for 20 years but I’m sure they’ll find the middle ground eventually. Probably a good thing too. Dave may not be the world’s best but he’s very good and proven so. If the man can score against Champions League defences, he’ll work in the Prem. Let’s just ignore the Shevchenko anomalies, shall we.
Another deal that we could be close to fucking up and is that for the Bolivian Brazilian Marcelo Moreno. Now, when last we heard, we’d had a £4m bid laughed off, it looked like he wasn’t up for Shahktar and his agent had said yes to England with a more than heavy hint at arsenal.
So, today we get the news that he is up for Shahktar, no mention of the arse and fiction becomes faction as they mention the way we like to do business. The 20-year-old’s father, Papa Martin, said:
“The first offer from Tottenham was declined by the Cruzeiro board because they wanted all the money in one go,”
“Marcelo really liked Donetsk, but we are waiting as this new deal also seems important.”
Now, this new deal to which Papa Martin refers is from us. It seems we’ve bunged in a second offer and I’m glad to hear it. He looks good but better still, it looks like we really want him and that others - Roma and Liverpool - want him too and it’s always heartening to you’re not buying a pudding.
The plan seems to be just get the matter sorted and sorted quick before anyone else can bag him. As for Team Moreno, it’s hard to tell what he wants.
“There is a chance to go to Tottenham, but only if they pay the whole fee at once,” finished his pa but I can’t say that “there is a chance” sounds too enthusiastic. I’m thinking we’ll get the nod from Cruzeiro but shake from Moreno.
The new cat on The Bagel’s striker watch today is Norwegian 20-year-old Under 21 (figures) Tarik Elyounoussi (L-E-ooo-noooo-si?) who apparently we watched have a kick around on Sunday, playing for his side Fredrikstad. Tarik, who was funnily enough born in Morocco, although you’d never guess from his Yordic name, is around the 5′8″ mark with a lightweight, Alvarez friendly 9st 10lb waistline. Here’s his head…
…winding up the fans for his famous “swallow my fist whole” crowd-pleaser goal celebration.
The scoop with this kid is that he’s good, Norwegian good. He’s won Young Player of the Year over there two years in a row but as we all know, that don’t mean shit until you’ve played with the big boys. If you want further evidence that right now he’s risky at the best but more likely nothing to get excited about, not only are his club holding out for a whole £4m but Tarik’s other suitors include Pompey and West Ham. Triffic.
Right, before I’m dust of the day, I’ve got time to bring you the good news that it looks like Ricardo Rocha is off after a electrifying career with the Lilywhites. He’s making a plea for his old club, Benfica, to come get him after he read the papers the other week suggesting that the Portuguesers might be interested. He said:
“Benfica is the club of my heart, always was and always will be,”
“I have a lot to thank Benfica for and if one day there’ll be an opportunity to return I would see it as a great opportunity.”
Yep, that’s pretty clear. Wonder if he was tied to a chair with a boot of with sharpened studs held at his throat? I don’t wish him any harm but “waste of space” barely covers it.
The other out rumours of interest were over a double swoop for Younes Richards and Prince Kev by Hamburg after the one and only Martin Jol (God rest his soul) took over at the German meat-munching team. It would seem to suggest that these two duff players were bought on his request when it has long been assumed they had Comolli stamped all over their transfer papers. Personally, I think the rumours are a load of shit anyway. Richards had to be a Comolli signing. He was promising and French for God sake, rather like our Sporting Director.
Finally, I’m leaving one for you to decide on. Did you hear the one about £25m for Anelka and Shaun Phillips? Now, assuming there’s no Berbatov clauses involved, what do you reckon?
You know for an old man you ain’t bad in a bagel. What are you, like 80?
The Bagel.
May 27th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
I dont think there would be anything in that Anelka/SWP story… well I hope not anyway! Unless ofcourse we throw Bent into the deal and lower the price to £15m
May 27th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Personally, I think it’s not a bad deal. They can both play and I reckon could seriously flourish if they saw some action. It’d be fucking weird to have Anelka in Spurs colours though.
The Bagel.
May 27th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
I was saying this weekend that Anelka would score a ton of goals for us. Could we really sign two ex goons this summer (Bentley hopefully being the other)?
As for SWP - no thanks. Another winger with little end product, who runs into trouble, loses the ball or generally makes poor decisions is not the way forward.
Dos Santos on the left with Bentley on the right would be much more threatening.
May 27th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Lets see an Ex-le scum and soon to be ex-chavski. The whore of london or just plain whore? Thanks but no thanks. He would soil our lily white shirts!
May 27th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
No, No, No.
Anelka - Jesus, I fucking hate that arsey c*nt. I don’t care about who he has played for, he is a prize wanker. No class, no bottle, shit attitude.
Is he really that good a striker? Really? Berbatov-replacement-good? I don’t think so.
But then, I’m very good at being wrong. - See my prediction on Shevchenko becoming the Premier League’s best striker for proof.
May 27th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
Given your new (and presumebly wellish paid) office job, I suppose the price hike for season tickets doesn’t bother you too much, Bagel?
May 27th, 2008 at 7:19 pm
I’m not so into the whole hating Anelka thing. He seems a nice enough guy, fairly proffesional (although he did moan that he didnt want to take a penalty in moscow, and being a striker, well, he should have done!)
May 27th, 2008 at 11:41 pm
I fear that if we get all these plaers that we are supposedly targeting, we will be small and quick. probably good on the attack, but how will that address our defensive woes? We scored a bunch of goals but could not hold a lead to save our lives!!!
I know we must replace Berba, but we also need some players that can break up the opponents’ possession in the attacking part of midfield. I see Dos Santos, Anelka, etc., as good players, but not the kind we need.
I think we need to get someone like Makelele, who can be a holding midfielder. Can we really hope that little Modric, or young Bostock can fill that role??
We need to strengthen our defense, and none of the rumors we have heard point to that. Do you really think we can compete next year if we spend our money on Fred, Dos Santos, and/or Anelka?? God forbid we get Duff; he couldn’t tackle fishing bait.
Bagel, tell me how we are going to give up less goals next season, PLEASE???!!!!
May 28th, 2008 at 12:26 am
Mitch good question. The funny thing is, you look back to the Carrick season when we went through a long spell of not scoring but not conceding either. We had a huge unbeaten stretch and that was with Safety First, Ledley and I suppose Davids and Carrick.
We’re better off with Woody and Ledley (or whoever else fills his boots) and with Modric at the wheel, I hope we’ll be giving away far less possession, so yes, it does seem to come down to a defensive centre mid.
We can’t rely on Bostock. He’s far, far too young. I’d be happy with an unglamorous option for now. Some sort of George Boateng. Cheap and cheerful and worth a punt considering he knows the ropes. A Makelele would be better but they seem as rare as left wingers.
I’m sure there were a couple we’ve been linked with - one from South America nic-named Rambo and one from…actually I can’t remember. Tell you what, I’ll put that kind top of my list. I see any connected with us and they’re number one on the order of the day.
Wilson, thankfully Granny Bagel takes care of my season ticket these days. She and her husband had a pair back in the day and much to my luck it brings her great pleasure to help me out - a very good lady but even she had a bit of wince this time around, well for a second. How are you managing?
The Bagel.
May 28th, 2008 at 5:20 am
Three things:
1. I like the sound of Anelka and Wright-Phillips coming to Spurs. Both are seasoned players who know what it takes to play Champions League-quality soccer. You can take chances on talented youngsters all you like, but at some point there needs to be an influence from players that have been there before.
2. Thanks Bagel for keeping Tottenham lovers entertained as far away as Chicago. God bless the Internet.
3. Enjoy getting your national ass handed to you by Team USA at Wembley tomorrow.
May 28th, 2008 at 9:23 am
I do hope you get SWP
I’m looking forward to the day when the shelf starts singing Ian Wright, Wright, Wright !!!!
I’d laugh til I macarone’d my pants - then laugh some more !!!!
Interesting how manure’s drunken tramp manager is complaining about the tapping up of the stepover kid - obviously dementia has hit him hard, he cant remember manure using exactly the same tricks to get owen hargreaves !
May 28th, 2008 at 9:40 am
Who gives a shit about Owen “The Canadian Michael Carrick” Anyway?
Anelka reminds me too much of Freddie Kanoute, but anyone shy of Sol Campbell I’d take if he’d do us good.
Bagel, whatever happenned to the Gattuso rumors?
I do not think our defense is going to be as poor next season, or at least our defenders. With Leds, Woodgate, Hutton, and Bale to run the show I’m just not too worried. Decent backups in Safety first and Chimbondage wont hurt either, especially since 3 of the 4 starters seem to prefer injury to playing.
That having been said, Our midfield giving it away like a drunk girl on prom night doesnt do us any favors. Modric can help, bale playing mid when he feels like helps, JJ maybe growing up helps, but we’ve been waiting for that awhile. Zokora probably needs to go. Teemu does as well, but that kid worked himself silly for us, with his time wasting penalty one of my favorite highlights from the carling cup final. Aaron Lennon might need to go too. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard the words “flashes of brilliance, but little effect” utterred about this kid. Malbranque might be good enough, or work hard enough. I’m sure Juande knows all this a lot better than we do, but if we didnt talk about it we’d have a pretty boring transfer season.
May 28th, 2008 at 11:58 am
how about involving Gatusso in some sort of Berba deal with AC milan ?
May 28th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Bagel, unfortunatly my Gran only has eyes for her beloved Reading FC. No season ticket for me coming from her then, I’ll have to stick with hoping a few get to general sale.
In other news, I don’t want to jynx it but Giovani looks a done deal. Another mumbled ‘good signing, mate’ to Comolli if it goes through.
May 28th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
RE: Defensive Midfielder
Miguel Veloso anyone? Has looked good on the few occasions i’ve seen him play and I believe he’s likely to make the Portugal squad for Euro2008… latest rumours place Bolton (stifles laughter) ahead of Man U in the race to sign him…
May 28th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
Apparently Sporting have slapped a £16m price tag on him… makes me wonder just what Juande’s budget is… also with Man Utd in the race I don’t reckon we would get him, although hes a top player.
Giovani Dos Santos nearly signed? The Daily Mail, the most reliable source of all has said we’ve signed him and just about every sports website has jumped on that story. Still not convinced, but I think we might get him using a combination of Juande, UEFA Cup football and a place in the first team.
I think Zokora is a solid holding player, contrary to popular opinion. He cost us £8m, wasn’t the best buy but he rarely makes mistakes unless in front of goal and I’ve always seen him as pretty solid. If he doesn’t make it into the Ramos Select XI, I still think he should stay a backup.
May 28th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
I’ve always thought Gelson Fernandes fro Man City was a decent young defensive midfielder with some potential… I’m probably wrong though haha.
May 28th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
Blimey, how much cash is Levy prepared to forking out? Have we got any revenue coming in yet? (& none from Mitka B. I hope!)
I see a rumour that Spurs have “agreed a four-year deal” with Sevilla for Diego Capel by meeting his buy-out clause of €12m. IF it’s true, he will bring some much needed heft to our left side! I hope this is not more summertime transfer bollocks.
May 29th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
[...] But enough of meaningless international football. Actually, no. Just a little more. It turns out that Tottenham target Tarik Elyounussi scored for his native(ish) Norway last night against Uruguay with one of the poxyest tap-ins you’ll ever see. Still scoring on your debut is a very good omen, especially when the Little (ex)Yiddo still can’t quite banish his nerves. Of course, all that means in real terms is that he’ll cost another mill, besides, I really don’t think we’re serious about this cat anyway. We’ve still got giant psychopath Tomas Pekhart waiting in the wings as far as youth strikers go. [...]
September 30th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
Anyone gutted about how the situation has turned out?