Beef Bagel

“I respect the fans, the club and the players at Sevilla and I would only show any interest in a player from Sevilla if he was a free agent.”

So says Juande. But mark those words and mark them well because The Bagel’s had a look at the Sevilla books and out of the overflowing shopping trolley of players that we’ve been linked with since the Man with the Granite Mask arrived, none of them is out of contract. In fact, the nearest has over 18 months still to go, yet at the same time Ramos has said this regarding Alves and Kanoute:

“I would like to take those two players to my new team. But I doubt that Sevilla would let them go.”

Does this mean Ramos has another way of making these players free agents; a plot to destroy Sevilla? Without the club, all players are free agents. Right now the wheels could be set in motion around a low lit table in the catacombs of WHL with a map of the world in the centre and a projected blue and white zone marching across Europe; Daniel Levy sitting at one end, his face obscured, stroking a cockerel perched on his lap. Of course they could always go for the simpler approach of making Del Nido an offer he can’t refuse. Give us your players or you’ll be waking up in bed with the severed head of the Sevilla mascot.

The curious part is that Juande has reportedly been given the legendary Tottenham £40m “Warchest of Woe” to spend come January - the same apparently refillable challis gift wrapped, poisoned and handed to MJ at the end of last season. Have the players you want Senor but speedy will be your departure should the team not perform. So if indeed no raid on Sevilla is to be made - and I’ll lay good money that there will be - where else will we find the Spurs of next Tuesday?

According to the Express, who let’s face it, probably found an old article from the summer and replaced the word “Jol” with “Ramos”, we’re looking to cough up £5m on Espanyol’s 6′1″ defender, Daniel Jarque. Here’s his head…

…being congratulated by his team, and bald dwarf.

The 24-year-old had been a target of JR even while at Sevilla and with defence being our priority at the moment, some bright spark over in the press has clearly put this one together as neither Jarque, his agent, or his club have had any approach to speak of but Espanyol were questioned about their vice-captain, they said:

“He is an important member of our team and we are not interested in his sale.”

So that’s a “no” then, is it? But then if we really want him I’m sure they’ll be a dizzying offer in the pipeline.

The same report suggests that Julio “The Beast” Baptista is another target but I’m not so sure if we want him or if he’d come to us. I seem to remember him making general noises about the food and weather over here before sulking back off over the Channel.

Baptista’s team mate, Iker Casillas has also had his name splurged over our papers - will there be anyone left in Spanish football - and has nipped that one firmly in the bud himself. He said:

“Nobody has said anything to me about a supposed offer from an English team but in any case I am very clear on what I want - and that is to be at Real Madrid.”

Fair enough, why go from Eurogiant to Uefa contenders.

“It has never entered my thoughts to be at anywhere else but Real Madrid. I live here, I have my friends, my family and on top of that I have the great fortune to be playing in the team. What more could I ask for?

Yeah ok, thanks Iker, we get the picture. Smug git.

The final name they link is Diego Capel, the young Sevilla winger who’s been mentioned before, and interestingly enough the state of his contract is a little murky. As a product of the Sevilla youth system he doesn’t appear to be as tied in as say Daniel Alves, who’ll be 103 before he zimmer-frames his way out of the Estadio Ramon Sanchez. So, there may be some credence in that one.

Outside of Spain, there’s murmurings in both Italy and, God Bless Her Majesty, England herseslf. Jonathan Zebina (I love a name with a ‘z’) is a defender from Juve who’s not got on the best side of Claudio Ranieri and has himself watching most games at the Stadio Olimpico from the comfort of his own sitting room. Here’s his head…

…taking his usual place in the 4-4-2.

The 29-year-old Frenchman is a right back by trade but at nearly 6′1″ and over 12.5st he’s more than a little comfortable in the centre of defence. I mean look at the fucker…

…would you mess with him. Some camera man obviously stepped a little out of line…

…or was simply annoyed him by clicking the shutter. Here it is from the wrong end of things…

…complete with apology and explanation from Pavel Nedved.

Zebina seems to be able to play but all of this does point towards a bad attitude. What kind of a wanker do you have to be to wind up Nice Guy Claudio? Liverpool, West Ham and Villa are said to be having a look as well, which doesn’t exactly inspire me with confidence but then on the plus side not every player out there has the skills or balls or the ball skills to do this to Zidane…

…any further info on the man Farah?

A more interesting but unknown prospect is Southampton winger, Nathan Dyer. Big things are expected from the 19-year-old who was part of that FA Youth Cup Final side that included Theo Walcott and our own Gareth BALE! BALE! BALE! Pompey are also looking at the Wiltshire born youngster but what Saint worth his salt would go over to the dark side?

Last and by no means least, the most fanciful of all the stories is of Michael Carrick returning to the Lane. Tantalising, yes; likely, no. The only way it would happen would be if Berbatov were to move in the other direction. Firstly, I don’t care how much football the midfielder isn’t playing at United, the fact is he’s still playing. It was his dream move to get to Old Trafford and there’s no way that he’s giving up on it after just a season and a half.

What’s more, Fergie isn’t done with him. He’s like this with loads of his players. Give it two years and Carrick’ll be a more regular regular. The Chewing Gum Machine will have to undo all the work that other managers have done. He has to break him down before he can mold him into a highly skilled, highly efficient Ferguson automaton. It’ll take a while to suck all the personality out of him. The idea of Carrick pin pointing passes up to Dimitar the Great is mouth-watering but it’s not going to happen in Lilywhite shirts.

Wake up, time to bagel.

The Bagel.

This entry was posted on Friday, November 16th, 2007 at 3:16 pm and is filed under Bagel News, Transfer News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.