Beef Bagel

Apologies for not mentioning our er…glorious victory in the Monkey Cup since Wednesday night but needs must as things happen with other things, which very often result in lots of other little things running around when you’re trying to watch the results coming in and suddenly, before you know it, you’re anold thing and those younger things are looking after you while you’re trying desperately not to lose your battle with incontinence in front of them and whatever grandthings they have running around at your feet. Things, eh?

‘Boro (and that must be said ina North-East accent for it’s dreary effect) were never going to make the most exciting nor toughest of opponents away from home minus Jullio Arca, ex-racist Johnny Woodgate and the Big Gypo himself, Mido. What’s more without Yakubu and the Fat Aussie Wanker up front what were they going to offer in the striker department. The answer that we found, which made a long cold night somehow longer and far closer to freezing than it actually was,was no one. Yes, Gary Southgate decided to lay down the gauntlet to MJ and ourselves with his dynamic and ferocious brand of 4-5-none. In fact the only entertainment they supplied was Fabio Rockembach and thenonly because he’s fat.

Stuey Downing looked better than usual but perhaps that was only in comparision to the rest of the boys in red. Imagine they’re a different proposition at home with a full squad but on Wednesday, they were shit. We may not be tearing up the Premiership ourselves, but it makes you realise what we’ve got when you watch a bunch of uninspirational nothings like that.

It’s almost as if they never intended to win but just hope to stop our victory for as long as possible. Even after we scored our goals, they didn’t even up the tempo. It’s like they had forgotten it was a knockout game and that the final whistle would leave them slapping their heads and going, ‘Oh, right. Sorry Gary. Hey lads, this was the Carling Cup.’

As for ourselves, well, hmmm. We were decent in the first half with the ‘Boro keeper pulling a few out of the top drawer, or certainly the one with your socks, in order to keep out the frustrated Jermain Defoe. Now, the crowd did not react well when MJ subbed the Little Yiddo in the 70th minute of Robbie and it was as close to rebellion as I’ve seen in the ranks since our Dutchman took over the reigns. Indeed there was a resounding boo. I don’t think it was to do with the tactics of it but more the fact that everyone is willing Jermain to score. We want him to be happy. We want him to stay and to do that he’s got to be finding the net.

Of course the substitution proved to be inspired with Keano’s first pass setting up BALE! BALE! BALE! and thankfully not Little Aaron, who has been playing like a pile of monkey spunk since his return from injury. I suppose that would translate as: luke warm, inconsistant and not very pleasant to look at; probably a bit smelly too.

Thankfully Gary Bale, who looks rather like a monkey himself, has been an inspiration and stepped around the keeper for his third in a Tottenham shirt. I was convinced he’d fucked it up as I stood with my hands on my head screaming ‘No’ as he took it to close to the by-line but the kids even better than I give him credit for.

The embarrassing part was the totally shameless chant from the Park Lane, not minutes after they’d booed our manager, of, ‘I love Martin Jol’ (to the tune of Land of Hope and Glory). It wasn’t just I that cringed. Little Man, who’d been in fine fettle all evening, turned round with a very big wince on his very round head. He looked rather like a large prune. That same look seemed set in stone a few moments before the end when Didier Zee missed a one on one for his first Tottenham goal. If you see the footage the useless, left foot shot from his gilt edge chance, trust me, you’ll prune up too.

But as they say, a win’s a win and were basically in the final now. That’s how this cup works, isn’t it?

In more recent events, 8th string keeper, Ben Alnwick has gone on loan to Luton for a few months - I’ll bet he’s wishing he stayed with Sunderland right now - and for the favour of giving us their best player, we’ve kindly leant Phil Ifil out to Southampton. What are the bets he stays?

Of course the big news today is of MJ’s fighting talk; a quick left to the press, an uppercut to the board and checked jab to the fans just in case. This heavyweight is not going down without a fight. He said:

“The fans know how difficult it is if they change management again, they know you could easily go back for years,”

“The continuity of the club is important and we did that here with my staff over the last couple of years.”

“We won a lot of points, had nine wins in Europe and got back into Europe via the league, which probably didn’t happen for 25 years or so.

“So the fans realise and they appreciate my work and that is a good feeling.”

Yes, Martin. Yes we do.

And I thought these bagels smelled bad on the outside?

The Bagel.

This entry was posted on Friday, September 28th, 2007 at 3:53 pm and is filed under Bagel News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.