Wilhelmsson & Wife
Each morning as I brush the bread crumbs from my eyes, I expect to receive the news that Darren Bent is now a Tottenham player. Whether we like it or not it seems as sure as eggs are eggs and bagels are bagels that the 23-year-old striker is coming up to the Lane to make his mark. The most disturbing thing amongst all this was the reported advice from our own Mr Nice, Gary Lineker in his writing in the Sunday Telegraph…
“Working with someone like Rafa would be fantastic for Darren’s development and it would be great news for England,”
…cheers Gal.
Unless, of course, this is some clever way of saving Tottenham the £12m expense of buying a second string player. Unlikely. The Bagel’s own personal feelings on this deal are flip-flopping more often than fish on dry land. Just writing the phrase “£12m expanse of buying a second string player” makes feel ill but I’m sure I’ll feel a lot better when Bent’s doing his end zone dance after scoring his first goal as a Spur.
Still, it’s really the idea that he’s a nothing buy. It’s unlikely his purchase will help us on any as a team. How many times last season did we need Mido to come on and change the game? Answer: once, against the auld enemy away in the Carling Cup and you know what? He did.
Perhaps we were lucky to play Dimitar the Great for almost every game and Bent will probably come in useful at some point over the next 12 months. Maybe the reality behind this purchase is that it’s one for the season after next, when our beautiful Bulgarian calls it quits on WHL and moves up north to play with Fergie and his men. Unfortunately, my tears will be too thick and fast for The Bagel to see Darren Bent waving around in the background calling, “Don’t worry guys, you’ve still got me!”
Well, whatever our feelings, surely we’ll wrap this one up in the next few days. It may be what we’re waiting for is the sale of Mido to ensure we can offset his £4m against the price tag on Bent. The only problem is the Egyptian’s likely suitors are not so keen on spending that kind of cash. Ordinarily I’d agree but if they reckon Bent’s worth £12m, I’d say £4m was fair for Mido. I guess as a buyer, though, I’d be looking for £3m, so expect quite a little while before we see our spare man holding aloft a Fulham or a Birmingham shirt.
The big rumour that rumbled around like the weekend’s storms is the re-emergence of an old but brief one from this time last year. A little bird flew into the offices of MJ and Comolli, presumably to escape the thunder for a second, shook the water off his feathers, mentioned that Christian Wilhelmsson may be a free agent, had a chat to Chirpy and flew off again.
Thankfully, said bird can down to the Bakery (I put down some bread) and gave The Bagel here a few more of the details, including the Swedish left winger’s head. Here it is…
…in homage to Bobby George.
The 27-year-old has been on loan at Roma, who are not sure whether they want to exercise their £2m right to buy the man who’s made 19 appearances and scored them the one goal. French club Nantes are the one’s who own the paper on the player who has been described as easily the fastest member of the Swedish squad.
He’s much bigger than a Lennon at 5′10″ and over 10.5 stone and goes by the nic-name of “Chippen” either because:
a) he is a male stripper
b) that’s all he eats, or
c) he chips the ball a lot
The most interesting footage I found on him is this…
…and if he tried that in the Premiership, you can bet that that No.3 would have smacked him into the hoardings rather than let him go by.
The Bagel is not convinced and if neither Roma nor Nantes are, should Spurs be either? There is one thing that he does have though…
… Who’s got a lovely fiance, who’s got a lovely fiance? Christian Wilhelmsson, Christian Wilhelmsson, who’s got a fiance?
Instead of all this, can’t we just take the £12m for Bent and the £2m for this geezer, go and dump it on the table at Ewood Park and march out with MGP? Fuck, whatever it costs it doesn’t matter. A football player’s worth is according to how much you need him. MGP may be worth around £8-10m on the market but to a club who are looking to for the final piece to their puzzle he’s worth £15-20m. It makes no difference how many Darren Bents we buy. We need a good left winger. God, this is exasperating. Top draw Left wing, rock-like holding midfielder and solid centre half please.
As far as the last position goes, there are two candidates according to the papers. Curtis Davies has been on the menu longer than half price turkey in February. The latest idea to be tabled, if all is to be believed, is £6m plus Long Lost Wayne Routledge (£3or4m) and perennial Tottenham bate, Baby Face Gardner (£1or2m). God knows if the Baggies will finally bite but it’s about time we landed this man.
The stop gap alternative to the 22-year-old Brit is Glasgow favourite, Marco Materazzi. The 33-year-old Italian wind up merchant would still cost us £3m from current club, Inter but at 6′4″ and 13 stone, that’s a pretty good deal pound for pound. Here’s his head…
…doing what he does best. He was sent off 3 times in his 27 appearances for Everton. A far more enticing stat though is that he was Serie A’s top scoring defender in the season just gone by with a whopping 10 goals to his name, as many as the entire City squad could manage at home.
As cover goes he’s a pretty good option. I’d prefer this never-say-die bruiser to Rocha any day of the week and if we’re really finally going to lose Baby Face - although I can’t quite believe that we will - he’d be more than welcome.
Last link of the day is U21 Dutch sensation Royston (good name) Drenthe (less good name). The 20-year old left sider has been attracting some serious attention in the current tournament and has got quite a few scouts’ pens twitching with moments like these…
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2af7f_drenthe-12-belgique-paysbas-euro-20
…although, that’s just poor keeping.
Attach the usual names, eg: Newcastle, Villa, us and around £5m and Bob’s you’re uncle instant rumour, just add water. I could show you his head, all right I will…
…looking like he’s about to go door-door selling cookies…but this ain’t never going to happen. Why? Not sure. Just feels like hot air from a bored news room. Give me something I can print. I watch like a hawk with bated breath and no doubt the bate is Tony Gardner.
Give me the bagels you fucking cocksucker.
The Bagel.
June 18th, 2007 at 8:37 pm
we realy don’t need bent, and as for wilhelmsson;im not sure.
oh and yeah bagel, these amazing women you keep unearthing are to much to take!!!
COYS!
June 19th, 2007 at 11:39 am
From Setanta Sports:
The club’s vice-president, Gerard Bourgoin, is resigned to losing the highly-rated defender to the Premiership after Spurs boss Martin Jol made Kaboul one of his top summer targets.
“It is very advanced,” Bourgoin told AFP. “There are very serious discussions with Tottenham but they are not finalised yet.
Woopee, hopefully it’s no more than £8 million though.
June 19th, 2007 at 4:34 pm
The Kaboul reports I’ve seen today suggest 6 million as the fee, which sounds much more reasonable.
As far as I know, Wilhelmsson is a right-footed, right-sided winger with some good skill, but no final product and lots of poor decision-making. For 2 million he’d be a suitable backup for Lennon, but certainly not a solution for the troublesome left side. Happy to bring his fiance back to the lane though..
I really like Bent and he seems to genuinely want to come here, so brnig it on.
Drenthe looks real promising, and it’s high time for the BMJ Dutch Connection to actually bring us a Dutch player. (or 2 if we can land Sneijder as well)
June 19th, 2007 at 5:30 pm
Don’t get me wrong, Bent is indeed a quality striker (worth his price tag), and would be an invaluable asset next season, especially with the additional UEFA matches. And, if he truly wants to play here (i.e., come in as a substitute), brilliant.
BUT, I’m only 29 and I think I’m on the verge of a fooking coronary after watching last season. Look at our goal differential. I always that sickening feeling that there would be some defensive breakdown at a critical point in the match, and it always happened. Yes, injuries (and cup-tied Rocha) played a part, but I’m not sure that explains everything. Perhaps Materazzi could provide a wee bit of the grit we need.
I can also attribute my high blood pressure and general bitterness to the fact that there was no offensive play from the left side (i.e., Lee taking 10 seconds to move around the ball to properly hit it with his right foot). MGP may be out of reach, but we need to do something.
Good news re Kaboul, and what a lovely fiancé.
COYS
June 22nd, 2007 at 9:53 am
Looks like 16 million is the sum agreed for bent - If you believe the grauniad.
He’s a great potential purchase, but 16 million?! It’s the greatest overpricing scam I have seen since buying Mrs TheYid’s wedding ring!
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:02 am
Well done TY, you’ve ruined The Bagels next article lol.
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:15 am
16 million is too much but if we can recoup 3 million from selling Mido then that’s a pretty good scam in our favour.
I just hope we hang onto Defoe. Going into the new season with 4 top strikers would be a real statement of intent. Although, a left winger and a centre half still have to be top priority.
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:34 pm
I am STILL reading these fucking scandalous shocking rumours linking Man U and Berby.
Now I admit that I am slighly more pessimistic than , well, most people - you don’t think Think that Bent is a replacement for Berbatov?
I worry.
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:49 pm
Unfortunately, I do think that Bent may well be a replacement for Berbatov, but not for this season.
I suppose we have to be realsitic about the long term future for Berbatov. Unless we can get in the top 4 this season then I’m sure he will want to move on. At least if Bent can have a decent season with us he may be a ready made replacement albeit for more money and with a fraction of the skill.
I’m confident Berbatov will spearhead our attack once again this season. Buying Bent it’s just a bit of insurance for next season.
June 22nd, 2007 at 1:04 pm
I do think you’re right Hornchurch, but I worry. Fergie is a wiley dog, with a good record in getting the players he wants.
I think no top 4 finish, and we will see him go, I just hope he isn’t surrounded by assholes whispering agents all summer…
Even just 1 more season, and we really will be cooking up front.
I think we should plonk Huddlestone in defence pre season - see how he gets on.
June 22nd, 2007 at 2:12 pm
I think Hudd could be useful at centre half or more as a sweeper bringing the ball out but he would need a real no nonsense player like Dawson next to him. I’m not sure how good he would be at attacking all the aerial balls that would come his way. Think he played for Derby at the back so I’m sure he could do a job.
This season is massive in so many ways. We really do have to make that next step and get into the top 4 or at least win something. We have to keep Berbatov and we have to put the scum firmly in their place.
At least we look like having our best squad in ages going into 2007/08. If the boys get stuck in and all pull together then we might just actually do it.
June 22nd, 2007 at 6:50 pm
BREAKING NEWS…………….
Henry signed 4 year contract with Barcelona. Sold for the same price as one Darren Bent. (£16m)
I’m off down the pub.
June 22nd, 2007 at 7:04 pm
Toby, you bitch funky sex machine!
This wonderful news that Henry as left the asre, is this pukka gen? What source has reported this?
Or are you just toying with my emotions….? You little tease!
COYS!
June 22nd, 2007 at 7:44 pm
NewsNow and take your pick, Yid of the Norf!
June 23rd, 2007 at 2:21 am
Wilson
I picked up the thread while at work…! So I didn’t have much time to find anymore on the subject. I’m home now & see it’s all over sky sports news (well as far as they dare say) & everywhere else is matching it… I think it’s great news & may well bring on the exit of whinger, though I doubt it as there are far too many young boys at the arse to tempt him
Anyway, the simple fact is that we potentially have one of the best Spurs squads for a long time. All going well, we will improve on last season, I feel sure we can realistically win silverware, break in to top four or better still…… both
My beloved first born son stays with Spurs, we get rid of Mido, Murphy etc… & replace with better quality, but keep the main core of our squad
COYS!
June 23rd, 2007 at 2:23 am
Very unfortunate turn of phrase… “far too many young boys at the arse” However, I’m sure that’s just the way whinger likes it!
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:56 am
whoa. 15m for henry. i though the scum would get more than that. good news.
June 23rd, 2007 at 9:55 am
Apoloies for my abscene but I’m glad to see you have everything in hand ladies and gentlemen.
The Bagel’s going to be keeping it quiet til the end of next week. I’m visiting suppliers all over the world. Just like Levy & Co. I’m searching for the best possible ingredients to make just the right doey blends, so that I may sit back with a smile and watch them rise.
I’m looking for the best of British first, however, I shall not be paying over the odds. £13m rising to £16m at £45,000 a week is the latest. As for Henry, I just hope it’s not a case of better the devil you know.
Anyways, keep up the good one and I’ll be back next week.
The Bagel.
June 23rd, 2007 at 11:27 am
Aslong as you get me a stick of rock I’m happy
June 23rd, 2007 at 1:07 pm
Blue & White with a cockerel all the way through it.
The Bagel.