Beef Bagel

“As for a possible transfer to Tottenham, I can say that there is no truth in this news. There’s no possibility of me playing in England or Portugal,” Luis Figo.

Well, so much for that bit of fun…and his wife…and that bit of fun.

Another spoiler out there is Porto President, Pinta da Costa (Pint of Coast?). He’s not too keen on losing a couple of his players, one of whom is Tottenham target, Jose ‘The Brow’ Bosingwa. Pint of Coast said:

“I do want them to leave.”

Rather curt but we get the message.

Who are these club presidents anyway? I always imagine them to address the football team in a linen suit from a white balcony with armed guerrillas.  But then these are elected leaders, what do the owners do? Do they have balconies of their own? Does it overlook the president’s balcony? Does he spy on the president’s wife while she sunbathes behind large, Channel sunglasses and a white bikini, moist at the moist bits from the slight sweat of her skin? Does he use a telescope? Is anyone watching him?

God knows but “I do not want them to leave” doesn’t exactly convince The Bagel that they wont. “They are not leaving” is far more certain, “I do not want” comes across a bit “I do not want milk in my coffee. Oh you put some in already? Oh well, I’ll drink it anyway.”

What’s funnier or maybe stranger – no funnier and stranger – is what Bosingwa’s agent has come out with. Now, as far as The Bagel knew, the wing back was available on a free but according the footballer himself…

“My future is dependent on Porto, my current idea is to follow in Porto because I have signed for a number of years.”

…guess not then.

So then his agent, Rui Neno, in reference to his player’s price tag, says…

“£3 million is ridiculous money for Bosingwa.”

…which for me is rather like saying he’s shit. Now, I understand that if he really isn’t worth it then it’s going to mean that his client is going nowhere and Neno’ll receive no cut of the deal but which decent team out there is going to buy a £1m or £2m wing back and offer him first team football? Now, I know this is akin to buying designer clothes just because they’re expensive but seriously? We just bought a full back for £10m. This feels like a case of peanuts for monkeys.

But this is all yesterday’s news and you know this but check out the latest headline:

SPURS IN STRIKER BATTLE

Yes, we’re in some sort full-pitched, gladiatorial contest with Celtic over…Marlon Harewood. Shoot me. No, actually, shoot him. Christ I’d rather keep Mido. Bloody hell, I thought he was on a free but no, that sweet deal will cost us £4m for that talentless gorilla. Thank God Celtic have the lure of the Champions League.

The main story that seems to have been dogging the club, and getting in the way of better rumours, is the ‘will we, wont we’ over Martin Petrov. Yesterday we hear that he’d knee’s gone and that it’s an old injury that kept him out all season and he’s too much of a risk and yet somehow he manages to get on the pitch last night against Belarus and score a goal. What the hell is going on? Is the Bulgarian coach that cruel? Did he just lie the player down for a penalty, like Christie Brown and say, “Kick it or I’ll shoot you,” or perhaps the Belarussians are just that shit. Once again the world of football leaves me with hands in the air, palms up, my shoulders shrugged and my face screwed up. I must look like Sandi Toksvig. Incidentally, Petrov won Bulgarian player of the year in 2006 and that’s something in competition with Dimitar the Great.

On the other wing, we’ve got a different problem. Long lost child, Wayne Routledge, is understandably looking to settle at a club for more than just the one season and we seem to in no hurry to recall him – ever. With Little Aaron ahead of him, poor Wayne knows he’s never going to be top dog and he’d be right.

Personally, I’d still like to keep him. What happens if Little Aaron breaks his head? You know something like that will take place the day we sell Routledge, just so the Law of Sod can have its day. In fact, I suggest we just keep Routledge as a talisman against it. I can just imagine MJ explaining to the kid exactly how and why he’s important to the team.

The only other action to speak of, aside a clean sheet for Robbo and a good run out for King Ledley, is the race that we’re told is hotting up for Dutch attacking midfielder, Wesley Sneijder. Ajax aren’t thought to want to let the 23-year-old go but when you score 1 in 3 goals per game you can understand that perhaps he’s after something a bit more challenging.

It’s all early days and possibly largely bullshit but he’s Dutch, we’re Dutch the press have gone for our name to link with us and have also pulled Villa out of the hat. To complete the draw for this week’s rumour, the figure £7m has also been plucked from thin air.

Now, you maybe thinking that there’s something missing this window and you’d be right. Where are our random signings of children? Usually, we pluck a couple of 12-year-olds from some lower division academy and then we they turn into Aaron Lennon and Big Bad Tom or we send them on a European tour of their own until we decide we don’t want them and finally stamp their release papers.

Well, according to that famous broadsheet, the Liverpool Echo, we’ve just missed out on one called, Karl Shepherd. Instead this Republic of Ireland U16 midfielder has gone to Everton, who apparently “beat off all opposition”, in which case I’m not particularly looking forward to playing them.

Nobody puts bagel in the corner.

The Bagel.

This entry was posted on Thursday, June 7th, 2007 at 12:35 pm and is filed under Bagel News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.