And are neither kind or considerate lovers.

And not in a good way either.

I personally would have gone for a Barbary Ape for McEnroe-Borg scene, while the Nastasie coupling would be more suited to Marmeset!

Navratalova should be joined with a Silver back Gorilla, though I suspect the silver back should brace itself as it would be Martina doing the giving & let’s face it… who would argue with her!

Me personally, I’m looking forward to McEnroe and Bjorg head to to head, sweating it out together.

Picture this - the pair of them giving it their all, smashing their balls backwards and forwards, grunting with every stroke.

Ummm.

With a Bonobo chimp…

I’m worrying myself here.

Are we just going for current tennis pro’s or past masters too? Ilie Nastasi, Martine Navratalova, Yvonne Goologong… I mean, you don’t have to try too hard there, do you?!

I’ve been trying to work out whether or not to pair up Mr Rusedski with a Mountain Gorilla or a colourful arsed baboon.

I think it would be wise to save costs on Sampras though, best to have him solo as otherwise it would get a bit confusing.

I’ve watched some sick videos & dvds, even possibly starred in one or two, but the image of Tim Henman stuck up a monkey is too much, even for a seasoned, hardened geezer like myself!

I must admit though, you are on to something there, the resemblance is quite disturbingly uncanny… Besides, you may have hit on a new niche market in sicko skin flicks… Fancy joining me in a business venture?

1) He’s a better centre half than he is a midfielder
2) He prefers playing at the back and we don’t want to go upsetting our captain and prized asset. There are many other clubs that would love his services.

We can find someone else.

As for the blueness, you’ve got to get yourself linked up to a website. Check out TTY’s MediaRoar - always a good read.

The Bagel.

I know it’s a bit late now but a few weeks ago I heard a suggestion that maybe Ghaly could be put into a Gattuso mould, allowed to set during the off-season and then unleashed for 07/08…unfortunatly he seems to have fcuked that up now but could have made very interesting viewing watching the transition.

Now the new theory is to put King in that sweeping midfield role like he did when playing for England and employ Kaboul full time in CM next to Dawson…how ’bout it?