Beef Bagel

Well, well, well, so it’s turning out not to be the great steaming pile of kaka that The Bagel had first thought.

“Going to England is one of my options because the Premier League is one of the best leagues in the world and it will be a big challenge. But I have not spoken or made up my mind about any one club. I am prepared to go to England because I believe I would progress there,” so says Nani on refusing to sign a new deal with current club, Sporting Lisbon.

Not hard to translate that one from footballer speak: “I want to play in the Premiership.” So, the question remains, for whom?

All fingers are pointed towards ourselves and United and until recently I would have said deal done then but since the capture of a certain Mr.Bale from under the very nose of Red Faced Fergie (a man so dedicated to his club he’s actually taken the time to burst every blood vessel in his head to wear the team colours wherever he goes or is it just alcohol abuse?) well, I think we’re entitled to get a little more excited than usual.

It’s a £12m tug of war and were it purely on strength I’d fancy MJ and Levy over Glazier and Ferguson. Come to think of it I’d fancy MJ on his own versus those two, eating a pancake at the same time. Unfortunately, the muscle in question is more financially based and there the rope moves slightly in United’s favour. However, we have shown, over what promises to be a new Berbatov deal and the various virtual kitty sizes that we discuss, that we are willing to compete and there seems to be a philosophy from Daniel Levy that it’s now or never and time to take a punt.

The two major problems we have, and they’re big, are these:

1) The age old Champions League factor and,

2) The “my buddy plays there” factor.

We all know about the first one and at the end of the day our two attempted trump cards there are going to be that we’re knocking on the door of the Champions League and the fact that we can offer him first team football. United will them re-trump with the fact that ok they may not be able to offer him a start at first but how much longer has Giggs got in him?

The problem with 2) is that every 20-year-old Portugueser needs a friend when they move to a strange land and all we can offer on that front is Ricardo Rocha or putting Danny Murphy’s time to some use and getting him started with a Portuguese phrasebook and such welcomes to the new lad as, “Please could you tell me the way to the tourist information centre, I seem to have misplaced my greengrocer.”

What’s worse is that Nani seems to idolise Ronaldo somewhat and if you really want to feel the pain, then read these words from Nani earlier this month.

“I’ll only leave Portugal to play for a club like United. The Premiership is spectacular and to be the next Cristiano would be a dream.”

Note the use of “Cristiano” rather than “Ronaldo” and the much larger clue of “club like United.”

So, the rope has all but slip through our Tottenham fingers and Glazier and Fergie are but steps from collapsing on each other in victory but we do have one last tiny chance; a last reserve of energy hiding in our shaking arms that could leave Glazier staring in disbelief at a big pile of cash and an empty waiting room.

It seems that Levy & Comolli are flying out to Lisbon as we speak. I can see the red line moving across the tan coloured map with suitably heroic music in the style of a sequence from Indiana Jones. Their mission, to get the deal done before United have made a move; their Holy Grail a serious wing forward with a very silly name. It’s a long shot…

…but it might just work. I must say I’m impressed with effort; both Levy and Comolli going out there. We’ll know by the end of the week and I imagine we’ll be reading toe-curling headlines like “Winger snubs Spurs” but there’s a part of me that’s holding out hope for the persuasive power of Daniel Levy, the football knowledge of Damien Comolli and the beckoning call of a club on the brink of greatness. We will see.

I was all but about to put this bagel to bed put there’s a few no stories on the wire and who would I be to keep them from our eyes?

Nicky Shorey! (and I don’t use exclamations marks lightly). My surprise is not on the Reading left back’s ability but um, hello…we just signed a man on the same position? That’d make four left backs. Are we trying to start a collection? Is there about to be a world shortage and we’re stocking up? The Bagel’s instincts tell me that it’s all a load of rubbish with the only possible reason being that we’d play one of Bale or Shorey as a winger in the absence of a better option. Let’s have a look at the man all the same. Here’s his head…

…catching flies.

The reported sum for the, 5′9″, 10.5 st, 26-year-old is £5m, which seems fair enough from Reading’s point of view and not insane at the prices these days but do we want him? No. Superfluous to requirements. Next.

On the other side of things is French international right back, Bakari Sagna. Same price, same height, two years younger and somewhat different head…

…proving to us that an interesting barnet comes with the territory of being a French right back.

A move for this kid would likely spell the slow demise of Paul Stalteri and the final admission that Phil Ifil simply isn’t good enough. It would also represent our desire to demolish Auxerre, where Sagna currently plays his football, as it would represent the third of their players in the Tottenham pipeline. There must have been some personal issue from when Comolli was a lad. Perhaps Auxerre rejected him as a player or chairman Jean-Claude Hamel used to bully him at lycee or beat him at petanque, who knows.

The other rationale behind this one could be do with the £12m that Chelsea are thought to have now offered for Chimbondabonda. If this kid is good enough they we could make a tidy £7m out of the deal. Personally I’d rather stick to the player we’ve got. We know he’s good and I’m not keen on strengthening Chelsea any either.

Indeed, we may not be able to get Sagna at all. He’s said said he wants to leave and is being chased by Sevilla, PSG and Lyon as well as ourselves but the real obstacle are these words from Hamel, who said earlier this month:

“Sagna won’t leave. I remind you a player has to respect the contract signed by both parties.”

That sounds pretty certain to me but then Paul Jewell said a very similar thing last year about Bonders. I don’t think this one’s a goer but then it could be why the Kaboul deal has gone on hold.

One player with a transfer request that has been accepted is Nigel Reo-Coca Leaves and West Ham are just waiting for the phone call that matches his £8m fee and it’s us and arsenal who’ve got their mobiles out. Do we want him? Well, better him than no one in that position but £8m sounds like a lot for a player who’s had a bad season and probably isn’t going to be the first choice man for the job. I’d be happy enough for the scum to take him but it wouldn’t represent terrible business either.

Last but not least we appear to be doing the right thing by 3rd choice keeper Ben Alnwick who is probably cursing the day he left Sunderland. Life’s got to be tough for any club’s number three and we’re farming him out on loan to whoever wants some top notch cover. Good luck Ben. Make us proud.

Now that really is quite enough on a day when I’m sure there were a million and one things I’m supposed to have done by now and yet I sit in my dressing gown, with the Bakery in much need of a good sweeping and the only thing on my mind an afternoon with whatever Bond film is on and a series of snacks.

Bagel, The Bagel.

The Bagel.

This entry was posted on Monday, May 28th, 2007 at 1:36 pm and is filed under Bagel News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.