Neo-Nazis and the Hokey Cokey
Been reading all about the anti-Semitic chanting at the game at the weekend? No? Well, surprise, surprise some of the West Ham fans are racist; not just Alf Garnett then. One particularly clever chap actually posted a video of him and his mates giving Nazi salutes and shouting, “Heil Hitler” (or more likely “Eil ‘itler” by the time it came out of their mouths) on You Tube. Unbelievable that he would be so proud of his actions to actually want to share them with the world. Cockneymatt88 is the name to look out for in forums or perhaps soon in the showers of your local penitentiary. Don’t drop the soap, Matt.
For my point of view, as I like most things to be, it’s not the racist attack that bothers, it’s the weight that’s been added to the case about us having to stop our shouts of ‘Yid Army!’ There’s second meeting on the matter on 19th March, which had been scheduled even before Sunday’s match but now there’s consideration that calling ourselves Yids actually invites racial hatred. That, my friends, is the biggest load of crap The Bagel has ever heard. Do you think we should ask Defoe, Ledley and all our black and Asian players to white up before games? Well, after all, we wouldn’t want them to inspire racial hatred.
How would a judicial system work on that basis, where the victims are the guilty parties in crime? ‘No, Your Honour, I only killed him because he inspired murderous thoughts in me. He was asking to be stabbed 23 times. He was the one who should have been in prison in the first place.’ Ridiculous.
The good news is that the final say could be down to us, the supporters. The club plan to canvass our opinion to see how we feel about being the Yid Army. I know which way my bagel’s buttered and I’m sure I’m not alone. Might see if I can get myself along to that meeting. I’ll smuggle myself in on the refreshments trolley, a bagel amongst sandwiches, a near perfect disguise.
Of course it’s all rather sad that Nazi salutes are the best those particular Hammers can come up with. A Charlton friend of mine sent a nice little song my way, along with a big thank you to us all. Enjoy.
(To the Tune of the Hokey Cokey)
You put your Argies in,
Your Argies out,
The iceman comes in and your managers out,
You’re selling Reo-Coker and you’re going down,
That’s why we love to shout:
Oh wanky, wanky West Ham!
Oh wanky, wanky West Ham!
Oh wanky, wanky West Ham!
Misfits, has-beens, ha, ha, ah!
While we’re on the subject, I got wind of a van Persie chant the other day I’d never heard. Are you familiar with:
(To the tune of Rewind - Craig David and the Artful Dodger)
Van-Per-Sie,
When a girl says ‘no’
Mol-est-her.
I rather liked that. It’s a little more subtle than just pointing at him and shouting ‘Rapist! Rapist! Rapist!’ although that’s quite fun as well.
Now, arsenal…I’m sure there was something I had to say about them….oh yes: ‘You’re going to win fuck all, you’re going to win fuck all, you’re going to win fuck all, Fuck All!’ It’s great to say that with full assurance. I wonder how far their season will slide now they’ve nothing left to play for? Far enough to see them out of the top four? Could be interesting. Not sure how I’d feel about Bolton going into the Champions League ahead of them.
Of course in the space of just a week, we may have very little to sing about ourselves. Braga away night could be a tricky one. Hard to tell with these UEFA Cup sides. So far they’ve all been a push over but then, we’ve been doing some excellent pushing. With Malbranque (groin) (groin) back in the squad along with Didier Zee, we should prove too much for them but there’s the usual European worries of fringe playing Brazilians and an ancient Portuguesers in the form of Jorge Costa (that must be ‘Smith’ out there) and Joa Pinto to consider.
New boy, Ricardo Rocha, who’s cup tied for the game knows all about the side and their beautiful stadium and city that I’m hearing so much about. I grind my teeth in jealousy each time. I’m practically down to gums, sucking on my molar fragments like the end of a Polo mint. It must be fantastic weather out there today. Hang on….17C and sunny. Nice.
So yes, the more I hear about our opponents the higher both their rating and my blood pressure go. They don’t just have one or two Brazilian players, they have nine and one Argentinean. Doesn’t mean they’re any good but their fourth in the league position and impressive record against the Portuguese big three this season do tell a story of that impressive team ethic for which they’re best known.
If they can kick us about like English clubs then we’re in trouble but that’s not what South Americans and Iberians are most known for and given the space, we’re a match for most teams. I’m sure we can score more than once against them. How easily will they cut us open? Robbo, Baby Face, Safety First, we’re in your hands.
The Bagel thinks we’re too fired up in the UEFA Cup to let anyone stand in our way and manager, José Szabo, played right into our hands when he changed the Braga strip to red and white after watching the gooners play in scumland. It’s a question of association. Our player will see the shirts and switch to kill mode.
The Bagel’s predicting a win for the Yids. 3-0. This cup is ours.
The only transfer to talk of today is yet another rumour of us and Luis Snake Death. The vultures are circling over Upton Park and we’re looking to pick them clean whether their scorched flesh is dead or alive. The juicy morsels are Upson, Neill, Reo-Coker, Ferdinand (if he sorts his head out), Ashton (if he sorts his leg out) and the Snake Death himself.
Luis is no spring chicken/snakelet at 29 but at a cut price £2m, or 4000 monkeys in Cockney language, he’d be worth having in the squad. No big loss what happens here but we might as well gather left feet until we find the new Ginola.
Right. That’s enough for today. Enjoy the game tonight one and all. I just love that Euro Lilywhite. Come on you Spurs!
The crowd say “bagel selecta.”
The Bagel.
March 8th, 2007 at 5:28 pm
As a West Ham fan I’m disgusted by cockneymatt88’s behaviour, and were I sitting nearby, and we’re he not a psychotic neo-nazi I would have told him to sit down and shut up.
March 8th, 2007 at 8:12 pm
It’s unfortunate that such people end up representing their clubs in the media. There are racists at every club. There are people at Spurs who refer to Young-Pyo Lee as DVD or Ping Pong.
Glad to hear you didn’t say anything to cockneymatt88. One less good Hammer in the world would be a very bad thing.
The Bagel.
March 10th, 2007 at 1:44 am
and talking of Bagels………….seen this
March 10th, 2007 at 7:27 pm
Wow. I’ve never been described as a vagina before, a cunt yes but never a vagina.
The Vagina.
March 12th, 2007 at 7:13 am
Yeh and Spurs fans are all sweetness and light, assaulting women and old men in Tottenham HIgh Road, with their “Packet of sweets” style character assasination.
Get off you high horse!
March 12th, 2007 at 12:23 pm
We do sing about Wenger being a paedophile but the differnce is that no one actually believes it.
The Bagel.
March 14th, 2007 at 10:20 am
That must be very reassuring for Wenger to know that it’s not meant, no doubt he explains the same to his little girl when she enquires “Daddy, what’s a paedophile?”
Meanwhile all the media reports seem to have ommitted to mention the fact that apparently the “rather be a paki than yid” chants were in direct response to the Spurs fans customary taunts of “Upton Pak”
March 16th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
Speak for yourself Bagel.
Personally I’m firmly convinced by the evidence, such as:
He likes little boys,
he likes little boys,
Arsene Wenger
Arsene Wenger
he likes little boys.
QED as far as I’m concerned.
March 20th, 2007 at 2:01 pm
Like a bunch of children we all want to be heard. i appreciate you all want the world to be a better place so tell the racsists in your own grounds to shut up. It works. And of course rascisim is still alive and well in Turkey, Israel, Scotland, Pakistan, France, Spain, Germany, Sweden, Holland, Wales, India, China, USA, Italy…etc and sadly not just at football grounds. Dont give racsists the feeling they have a hiding place in football. ‘Yids’ ‘pakis’ ‘Peado’ - who cares, it make you feel better saying so say it then F off for good. You had your chance to be educated and blew it. Kids will probabaly still get stabbed by a disillusioned youth whos dad was too busy bleating about a song at a football ground to notice that his son needed a role model.
March 27th, 2007 at 1:51 pm
wonderful stuff bagel man………….finally found the sight……….marvellous!
up the addicks
March 27th, 2007 at 3:33 pm
Good to see you Captain Bligh,
How do you rate your chances now with 8 left to play?
The Bagel.