Beef Bagel

That, ladies and gentleman, was an away day; four goals, a clean sheet and a damn good sing song. It must gave been lucky pants all round. I can’t work out which bit was my favourite; Keano’s first, his second, Berbatov’s cheeky finish for number four or just they way they stood there in front of us with their arms out after we got the second, that wonderful moment when all eleven of them and 4,000 of us knew we were on our way to Wembley? We sang it then, on the way out, on the streets of Fulham, all the way down the Piccadilly Line home and you could even here us doing it on the background of Robbie Keane’s interview on Sky Sports,

‘Wem-ber-ley! Wem-ber-ley! We’re the famous Tottenham Hotspur and we’re going to Wem-ber-ley!’

We didn’t seem to outclass Fulham by miles but the facts were that we took our chances and the one or two of theirs that they managed to have a dig at were brilliantly saved by England’s No.1, showing some of that old man of the season form, that goalkeeping magic. He even managed to clear up after Mido when twice in the space of a minute the Big Gypo seemed intent on equalising for Fulham. You can actually see Robbo mouthing something like:

‘Oi, Mido, Mido, what the fuck are you doing?’

Got to hand it to Hossam though. He did what he does best all game. He jumped up high and go those flick on’s for Keano as was his trademark the season before.

Dider Zee seemed to have a good game with his work rate nice and high in the first half to win us that much needed possession and kick the Fulham players about as much as he could. Steed was his usual on form self and Little Aaron looked as little and lethal as ever, coming very close to a second goal with a speed dwarf special on a break from our half ending in a shot that appeared well saved by the Cottager’s keeper, Jan ‘Who?’ Lastuvka.

Much fun was had by my mate Charlie, a Yiddo through and through and myself as we watched our sub six foot midfielders go up for headers with the Wardrobe, Papa Bouba Diop (great name), prompting lots of comments like:

‘Lot of wood behind that’ and ‘Oh yeah, teak that one.’

We were rather hoping for a clash of the titans if Big Bad Tom had come on. I’ve got a feeling that Wardrobe would have been splintered under a land slide of rubble.

And all the while, Jimmy Wrong End (nee 23) was sitting in the…well, you guessed it but thankfully by all reports there was a good twenty or so strong Yiddo throng hidden amongst the Fulham faithful, whose support as we all know is always ‘Fucking Shit.’

The trip to Craven Cottage can only be described as a right good party.

So then. All eyes to BBC2 and all ears to Five Live come 1.30pm tomorrow when we find out who we’re meeting and where in the quarter finals. Here’s the list and those balls to look out for:

1 Chelsea
2 Watford
3 Manchester City
4 Plymouth Argyle
5 Manchester United or Reading
6 Arsenal or Blackburn Rovers
7 Middlesbrough or West Bromwich Albion
8 The Yid Army

Just time to bring you a little transfer talk other than Robinho telling us we’re not a big club. Yeah, well you’re not a big person. You’re not even big enough just to be called Robin and that’s already a very small bird indeed. Do I sound bitter enough? Actually, in truth, he’s not far wrong just a little confused on the vocab. He’s wrong in what he says. We are a big club. It’s just right now, we’re not a big team and we all know that. Not a problem. However Little Robin, you may need to take a step down if you want to play some football. It’s not just going to be Madrid, who have forwards better than you.

So yes, real transfer news. Well in inverted commas. “Real transfer news”.

There’s a little ankle biter by the name of Joakim Eyde, who’s been over for a trial with MJ and the boys. He’s a Norwegian whipper snapper, who at the age of 15 already plays left back for Valerenga’s first team and they’re in the top division if you didn’t know. By all accounts, well by his actually, young Joakim has been having a rather good time and has had this to say:

“They seemed positive, and they want me back, but I don’t know when.

“If I get the chance I will go to Tottenham, no matter what.

“I have to think about school and education (and presumably puberty) as well, so I don’t know really, but I want to go.”

Ahh, a little Yiddo in the making. Here’s his head…

Jesus. Not sure when that was taken. Well, I guess he’s about 4 feet tall, about 6 stone and plays with Sport Billy football boots. I’m thinking he’s not ready for the North London Derby just yet. Here’s a man who looks like he’s ready for something else though…

…steady there Ole.

Eyde’s supposed to have a very special left foot. Perhaps his whole leg is that of 20 year old man but he’s just waiting to grow into it.

For immediate solution to our left side conundrum there’s another Scandy, who’s actually old enough to vote and most likely tie his own shoe laces as well, well you’d hope. Kim Kallstrom is a man many of you may be familiar with through playing Championship Manager but apparently the real McCoy pretty good too. Here’s his head…

…having just set the record for longest amount of time lying on one’s own arm but more importantly, here are his goals…

That’s some pretty tasty footwork. Good dribbling, picks up the goals, foot like a traction engine and built like a Volvo. He’s just screaming ‘Make me a Yiddo.’ He wont come cheap, valued at £10m by his current boss, Lyon’s Houllier but pound for pound it’s not a bad deal. The guys a biggie at over 6′ tall and 13 stone, so that’s around £55,000 per lb, whereas someone like Ashley Young may have been cheaper but is actually a far worse deal at around £60,000 per lb. More bang for your buck, that’s what I like to see.

Apparently, the 24 year old is itching to play Premiership footie with his quick tempo style and bruiser build and The Bagel’d agree he looks a very good prospect. The only draw back, aside the outlay, is that he’s wanted by both Scouse clubs and with Houllier as his manager, you can guess what the advice is going to be. Little Robin would confirm that we’re a smaller team than Liverpool right now but then with no Ikea stores on the Mersey and three alone in the London area, including one round the corner from the Lane on Edmonton, we may just have it sewn up. Do not confuse this for the racist generalisation that it clearly is. It’s simply a matter of practicality. How’s the man going to furnish his home otherwise and from where oh where would he get his meatballs? I’ll leave you with that thought.

Great bagels of fire.

The Bagel.

This entry was posted on Monday, February 19th, 2007 at 9:01 am and is filed under Bagel News, Match Reports. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.