Beef Bagel

Now, where was I? Oh yes, getting towards the tales with a distinctly whiffy aroma.

Next stop is Ronaldo of the non-Cristiano variety. The portly striker has basically run his course at Real Madrid or in his case probably jogged it, whilst licking a 99 with a flake. The three times world player of the year has reached the ripe old footballing age of 30 and seems to have lost the eye of the tiger somewhat. His ability is, of course, in absolutely no doubt but his shape and commitment is where there seems to be much to be desired and funnily enough, Madrid are not really in the mood to continue with a lazy, Brazilian lard arse, who costs them a whopping £96,000 per week.

According to the Daily Star (see, told you it was a stinker) Real have offered the striker to just about all of the teams in the Premiership barring the bottom five or so. They’ll even listen to a loan deal; anything to stop them haemorrhaging money from every turnstyle. The Star’s probably right, in that I’m sure Real’d listen to offers from anyone and that Ronaldo would be happy as long as he’s paid and there’s a chip shop not too far from his new ground but firstly there was a big link between him and AC Milan only a few days ago and even if he has been offered to the Premiership, who the hell would want him that could actually afford to take him? Newcastle, Portsmouth? Not us anyway. Never going to happen. We’re a little short on aggression and work rate right now and the Ronaldo in his current state has neither. Besides, we’d never pay those kind of wages.

Now’s the point the stories may just be plain untrue.

Last weeks reported bust up between MJ and Mido has combined itself with the sightings of Damien Comolli at Celta Vigo to watch Brazilian winger/striker Nene, to produce a rumour of a swap plus plenty of cash for the two players. The Big Egyptian was a one time Vigo man himself, which has added further fuel to the fire and indeed the Spanish club president, Felix Carnero has even confirmed their interest in the most ridiculous way I’ve ever heard:

“It is very difficult. We do not have space for him,

It would also be very complicated to pay an elevated amount of money.

Possibly he wants to come to Vigo, where he has played but right now he cannot come because we do not have space.”

So, they can’t afford him, they don’t have space for him and they don’t even know if he wants to come. What a brilliant idea. Small wonder the clubs lying in 14th place in La Liga.

Sod all has come out of WHL on his one and as usual in these situations, all reports of the spat betwixt player and manager have been denied. But if we were to buy Nene and I don’t believe we will, what exactly would we be getting?

Well, the man’s around 5′11″ and 11 stone, a very much medium sized left sided midfielder/playmaker/striker/God knows what else as long as it isn’t injury prone bench warmer, hopefully with an ability to run as well. Here’s his head…

…practising his mini version of the Robbie Keane celebration or is he discussing the difference since Steed’s operation?

Nene, his real name being a slightly less commentator friendly Anderson Luiz de Carvalho, has moved club every single season of his professional career, which does leave me wondering about either a) his commitment or b) his ability or perhaps he just goes around screwing all the other players’ wives.

His goal record’s not too bad but then that depends if he was playing as a striker of a winger. Tough one this and not a lot to show you apart from…

…nice goal but even Bunjevcevic got lucky a couple of times. Don’t really reckon this one’s a goer on either front. If and when we do sign a left footer, got a feeling he’s going to be a little more special than that.

The transfer story that I hope isn’t true is that Villa and Spurs have agreed a deal to send Teemu Taino to the Midlands club. The Times reported that it was just a case of the midfielder accepting the personal terms. Now, I don’t want him to go because he’s one of the few aggressive players we have and if he can get his act together, he’s going to be vital at away games. I don’t think he wants to go because he seems to be enjoying his football at the Lane and he’s a boyhood Yiddo and I don’t think he will go because there’s been no follow up on the story at all and it looks like he may just have picked up an injury at Fulham anyway. So, that’s that.

And finally…the transfer news that I hope is true but I’m sure is not for all manner of reasons is one article saying that we’re after Damien Duff again. Need I say more?

Oh, wait a minute. There was one rumour I’ve been forgetting to mention for quite some time now. There were reports that if Jose Mourinho were to end his tenure with the West London Blues, that that dastardly Frank Arneson would come in and pinch our most important signing of all; our main man and his good friend Martin Jol.

I know we’d all like to think that there’s no way MJ would leave us and I do genuinely believe that he loves it at the Lane but you know how it works. Imagine MJ standing in a field and Arneson with a fork lift truck coming back and forth with stacks of money. Every time he unloads the money in front of our manager and every time he comes back with more. The pile of cash continues to grow with Frank shouting,

‘Just tell me when to stop. I can keep doing this all day. Just let me know when you’ve reached that point, when you simply can’t say no.’

And indeed, this sparked an interesting discussion the other day. If the worst were to happen and our favourite man at WHL were to up his clogs and leave, who would you like to see take over the reigns, that would actually take the job? The conclusion we drew was some young manager who’s unknown to us at the moment. Anyone got a more practical idea?

It’s interesting to see that all the ‘Is Robbo good enough?’ talk has dried up since the game at Fulham. England’s No.1 is not having the best of runs at the moment and it was good to see he saved the day on more than one occasion on Saturday afternoon. Even at his worst he’s still streets ahead of Cerny and probably Alnwick as well…for now anyway Ben.

Lastly, don’t know if they showed it on MOTD but Jermain Defoe was not best pleased to be substituted at Craven Cottage. The Little Yiddo was switched for rival Robbie Keane on 67 minutes and took a swing at the dug out in his nil point frustration. He’s been on decent form and it’s not like he had much of chance, in a game that was mostly about the midfield players kicking each other than any meaningful shot on target but we all know how much it means to Jermain to be first choice striker and he’s all too aware of Keano’s return to fitness.

Thankfully MJ understands the outburst as all good managers do and had this to say in reference to his players:

“They can be disappointed and not show it - that is always what we like. But they are human beings and sometimes they do that. Robbie Keane did it against Birmingham, so it can happen - once.

But I will have a chat with Jermain.”

That doesn’t sound like the kind of “chat” you want to hear for the second time.

He made him a bagel he couldn’t refuse.

The Bagel.

This entry was posted on Monday, January 22nd, 2007 at 5:48 pm and is filed under Bagel News, Transfer News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.