Beef Bagel

How very dare they! He’s ours. I’m not quite sure what gives us that claim but God damn it, by rights he’s ours. We’ve dreamt of the combination, designed by the gods for over a year now. The holy trinity, the golden triangle, the three as one that is Little Aaron, the little Yiddo and attack dwarf number 3, Shaun Philips. That beautiful vision has taken a knock today because both, of probably the two most reliable sports sources, are reporting that the Chelsea Prisoner is close to a deal that’ll see him run the full length of the District Line over to Upton Park.

Eggert Magnusson is ready to start splashing the cash it’s going to take to ensure Premiership survival and that begins with a £9.8m bid for the underplayed winger. Despite only making half their money back, Chelsea are reported to be ready to do the deal with the only stumbling block the Special One himself and his midfield worries. You can obviously understand his issues as he’d only be left with Ballack, Essien, Lampard, Robben, Diarra, Makelele & John Obe Mikel, with which to patch together some sort makeshift middle. How aweful.

But as much as I may mock, it’s all about the wide players available and most importantly the long term fitness of season long casualty Joe Cole. It’s quite possible that Mourinho will veto this one and bizarrely it may be our best hope. It’s that or a £13/£14m plus offer from us, which is a hell of a risk considering somebody’s going to be playing out of position, not to mention it being a kitty emptier of a deal.

I can understand Shaun wanting to go. He’d definitely get a game; all of them but come on, mate? Selling yourself a bit short, aren’t you? Besides, I thought he was best buddies with Jermain? MJ should be sitting our striker down right now with his mobile phone and a list full persuading remarks,

‘You won’t be coming to my party if you don’t sign with Spurs.’

One transfer tale just as interesting and a hell of a lot cheaper is that of Bolton defender, Tal Ben Haim. The Israeli international has had enough with life up in deepest darkest Lancashire and what with an average 17% of seats unsold per home game, I’m hardly surprised, as if having to stare at Allardyce’s giant face all day wasn’t enough or even having to consort with the likes of filthy back pushing cheat, Kevin Nolan and Bob Carolgees fan, El Hadj Diouf. So yes, funnily enough the versatile player is refusing to extend his contract, which runs out in the summer. So, Bolton being Bolton and far too tight to miss out on a quick buck would rather sell the player now for a reputed £3.5m. Chelsea and Portsmouth are the man suitors for the defender’s signature but he may come to us as back up, particularly if we end up selling Baby Face Gardner to West Ham. Is he a better option? Well…

Being a Bolton player he’s going to be big and strong, good in the air and tough in the tackle and at 6′ tall and nearly 12 stone, he’s the right kind of build for the job. Here’s his head…

…in full gorilla mode.

He’s a good fighter and could add a little edge to the squad. He’s fairly young at 24 and would certainly keep Calum Davenport on his toes. It’s not exactly a transfer that’d drive you wild but hey, the more the merrier.

Hebrew names are full of meaning. Want to know how his translates? Dew, son of Life. Don’t suppose that’s one he lets slip around the changing room.

Another man who’d fit right in as a true member of the Yid Army, is David Beckham!? Yes, that’s right, the stellar footballer has a maternal grandmother, who’s Jewish. Davor’s wranglings with Real are well known by now and if indeed he is to make a return to the Premiership, it’s yet another connection to our club, as well as the fact that his parents are big Yiddos themselves. Right on, Mr & Mrs. B. Apparently Big D has often spoken of his affinity to Judaism. Yeah, well why didn’t you come when you were good then?

Finally in today’s transfer pot, there’s been a rumour that Gillingham have received offers from both the scummers and ourselves for their hot little winger, Matt Jarvis but according to Gill’s boss, Ronnie Jepson, that just ain’t so:

“The chairman had an offer from Plymouth for Matt but turned it down and I haven’t spoken to anybody personally about him.”

Hang on. That doesn’t mean a thing. All that says is that the chairman hasn’t mentioned anything to Jepson about the offers from Spurs and Arsenal. The 20 year old has yet to put pen to paper on his new contract and there could well be a very good reason for that. If they haven’t denied it from the top, then these offers may not, as yet, have been rejected. Hmmm…watch this space, say I.

Before I’m done for the day, I forget to mention that Mark Yeates came back from his loan spell at Hull the other day. He’s an interesting player; very skilful but feather light. His feet are far too good to have thrown him away before now but he’s going to have to work hard to ever even make the bench. Very odd player to watch. Never quite seen anything like him. I hope he gets to grace the Lane just one more time at least.

I’ve just heard in some breaking news that Curbishley’s after Boa Morte now too. Fulham’ll never let the player go but still, I wish he’d keep his filthy jellied eel fingers off our potential players. It sullies them somehow.

Bagel and out.

The Bagel.

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 4th, 2007 at 8:03 pm and is filed under Bagel News, Transfer News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.