Beef Bagel

Wasn’t exactly a thriller last night at the Lane but then how could anything possibly compare with Sunday’s fireworks?

What bugs The Bagel though, yet again, is the media description of last night’s results.

‘Liverpool, Chelsea and Arsenal are all through, as are Spurs but they needed extra time to get passed Port Vale.’

We didn’t ‘need’ extra time we just ‘used’ extra time, that’s all. They make it sound like a struggle and effort, it was most certainly not. Tension? Oh, yes, there was some of that for a minute or two but I don’t recall seeing a single bead of sweat on any of our player all night. ‘Need extra time,’ I ask you!

Despite MJ’s best intentions towards the Carling Cup, we once again showed very little respect for both our visitors and the competition by fielding one of the weakest sides we’ve seen all season. As well as the second string regulars, we were also given the pleasure of three debuts yesterday but rather than waiting for the match report, which will one day materialise along with those for Watford and Club Brugge, here’s a little run down of how they all played.

Radek Cerny (Czech Repulblic’s No. 2, Czech Republic, Czech Republic’s No.2!) - Did the job as usual. Let one in at close range that he really couldn’t do much about but it’s not like he had a lot of work to do. Still makes me a little nervous. Glad we’ve got Robbo but then does anyone have a good second string keeper except for Chelsea?

Phil Ifil - Not as strong as you want at the back. Not too bad going forward and he did stick in the cross for Defoe’s goal. He looks ok but he’s nearly 20 now and you’d be hoping for a little more by this stage but whatever my opinion, it’s MJ’s that counts and the big man has offered Phil a new contract. He’s acceptable but he’s no Chimbondabonda.

Michael Dawson (Safety First) - Once again daring to put his head where few men will put their feet and I’m not talking about high heel shoes. Dawson for England.

Dorian Dervite - Probably the most promising performance of the night. The French U19 captain looked good next to Daws. He’s more comfortable on the ball than our no nonsense get anything on it defender and he put a couple of good slides in too. He was responsible for the Port Vale goal but let’s give him the benefit of the doubt. There’s plenty of work to be done here if he wants to be Ledley King but a very good start indeed.

Lee - Trick, trick, hop, skip, jump, shit cross deflected behind for corner. Metronomically predictable but he’ll do.

Danny Murphy - Still not good enough.

Edgar Davids - Still just good enough.

Steeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed - Hard to tell. Only played 60 minutes or so and didn’t exactly set the place on fire but there may be something there. You can see the ideas but nothing was quite coming off. A couple of skilled moments but no evidence of anything like Keano’s league just yet. Let’s give him a few games. He’s probably getting used to the extra weight.

Tom Huddlestone (The Man Mountain) -  Really looked like he could barely be arsed. His passing was a little off and he controlled the game far, far too easily. He basically phoned in his performance but that was all that was required. Still managed to score two goals, his first for the club and the second was a beauty. Big Bad Tom.

Jermaine Defoe (The Little Yiddo) - I had a conversation with a mate (that’s you Will) after the game on Sunday and you know what, he’s right. Defoe is an awesome striker of the ball. He turns some nothing possession into an excellent shooting chance but his link play is non-existent. He missed four or five half chances that to his credit he created and he finally sunk one at the end but he will never be as good as he can be if he doesn’t learn to play with the other man. It’s a worry.

Andy Barcham - Shaped like Tevez and so far with the same amount of success. Again he only played 60 minutes or so but he looked like he could have something there. He runs well with the ball but he did seem to get it stuck under his feet a little inside the area, most likely nerves though. Didn’t really see much in the way of shots but with thighs like that can he kick? I’d say yes he can.

The real lesson of the evening, though, is that we play a lot better with Lennon, Berbatov and Hossam (Boutros Boutros) Ghaly than we do without them but then, you knew that, didn’t you?

Boutros Boutros Bagel.

The Bagel.

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 9th, 2006 at 2:29 pm and is filed under Bagel News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.