I feel the need, the need for Steed!
So, should be an interesting fixture tonight. That’s right, you heard me. I somehow doubt the atmosphere is going to be quite as electric as Sunday evening. In fact the level of electricity will probably be closer to that of the broken ignition spark on my gas hob here at the Bakery. I think a fly got wedged in between the two nodes and lost it’s life only to come close to reanimation every time I check to see if spark’s still broken.
‘So why will this evening be interesting Mr. Bagel?’ you ask me from your terminals so close and yet so far away. Well, it being a Carling Cup game, with us entertaining a lowly League 1 side and our first team being well and truly shagged out after a heroic performance, we’ll be second stringing it at WHL. We will, of course, see the usuals: Danny Murphy, Tom Huddlestone, Reto Zeigler, Edgar Davids (hilarious that he’s second string) but with back up regulars Stalteri, Davenport, Gardner and Lee all out injured, we may get a chance to see some of our much heard of but rarely seen reserve talent. Defenders Charlie Lee, Dorian Dervite and Phil Ifil have been included in the squad for tonight’s game along with striker Andy Barcham, presumably back up for the likely pairing of Mido and Defoe.
I don’t usually do this unless we’re talking transfers but check out Barcham. Here’s his head…
…looking rather like Mike Tyson. Actually, you know what? He doesn’t. He just looks like a bit of a bruiser. Just been looking at some photos of Mike Tyson. He’s a whole different level of demented psychopath. Look at this beast…
…that’s his happy face and shirt with the world’s largest collar size…
…that’s his “cute” face…
…that’s his…well, Jesus, does he even care where his mouth is…
…and this one here is just before it actually settles into his head what you’ve accidentally said about his mother. You probably just said you met her once and she was a very nice old lady but that’ll be the last comment you ever make. In fact, this will be the last thing you ever see. Look into those eyes, those dark merciless pools of woe. He’s going to tear you limb from limb, smaller even, cell from cell. Yes, this man is nothing like Andy Barcham. Apologies Andy.
The other player, who’s been included in tonight’s squad and should very well start, is the man we’ve all been waiting to see. One of the new big swinging dicks of White Hart Lane, cock of the walk, Steed Malbranque. Can the man cut it as a Spur? Will he be some sort of answer to our wing problems? Or at the least, will he be any good at all? The Bagel is rather looking forward to finding out.
The good thing about all this rotation is that with any luck, tonight’s XI won’t be struck with come down syndrome. I am not suggestion certain members of the squad went out on an all night pill boshing session in celebration on Sunday, what I’m saying is that I can imagine it being rather hard to gee oneself up for a some lower league minnows in the monkey cup after a game that will go down in the annals of history. All the players on the pitch tonight will have something to prove and hopefully will do just that.
As confident as The Bagel is, I can’t help but recall a certain FA Cup shock back in ‘88 and I’m not talking about the Crazy Gang’s victory over Liverpoool. Here’s to no upsets tonight.
Bagels crossed.
The Bagel.
November 8th, 2006 at 6:33 pm
Hopefully Steed could give us a little extra width… see what I did there?
no?
oh.
November 8th, 2006 at 7:26 pm
Oh yeah. I get it. Nice. It’s best we get all the gags out now, well, away from the pitch anyway. Don’t think it would do the wonders for his confidence that I can only hope the operation has done.
The only troubling bit is that I know I’ll be staring at his crotch all game. Actually, that reminds me of an old school friend, who I’d heard had had a testicle removed after getting cancer, poor bloke.
When finally I saw him after years, there was a rather awkward moment as he caught me checking out his lunch box. I could see him weighing up the benefit of the doubt. I’ll never really know what his conclusion was. I suppose at the worst he would have just been flattered. Let’s hope Steed feels the same.
The Bagel.