Beef Bagel

Did you feel a huge gust of wind last night? No, it wasn’t the edge of a hurricane, nor your partners pretending they don’t fart, it was The Bagel breathing a huge sigh of relief.

“The way it is going with the Olympic Stadium they are to keep a running track so there is no way we are even going to look into moving there.

I travel around the world all year long and every ground that has a running track in the stadium has a poor atmosphere, the attendance is down and all the clubs say it was a mistake to play there.”

I love Damien Comolli. Damien Comolli loves me.

They’re still looking at the possibility of extending WHL and although everyone knows how bad the transport links are, does it really matter? It doesn’t stop us selling out almost every game and having a 20,000 long waiting list for season tickets. I see how it makes sense to move but did you look at the disappointment on the Gooner faces the other day? They all like the new stadium but they miss the history and the character of Highbury. We’re willing to make the trek every week to that God forsaken part of town, so what the hell. Build it and they will come.

What may be sweet music to The Bagel’s ears is probably more like a loud ringing to Michael Dawson, whose head has yet again been mistaken by the opposition as a football. This time it was Juan Pablo Guy Smiley’s turn to batter Safety First around the bonse when he came in with a flying knee to the temple, of which a kick boxer would have been proud. Daws, being the trooper he is tried to play on but it became all too obvious when his complexion turned a nasty puce and when urged to call for the ball, began searching the touchline for a telephone.

Having had his head smashed and concussed two weeks in a row, he may well be afforded a little ‘time off’ else don’t be surprised if next time a soft grey substance resembling guacamole is seem dripping out of his ears as he drags himself to his feet grunting, ‘Don’t worry gaff, I can play on, just let me loose on that pink elephant in the dungarees custard. I’ll make sure he smells like a strategic radiator.’

Naturally, this doesn’t come at the best of times with all our hearts aflutter with that fluid on Ledley’s knee. Has anyone considered that maybe he just spilt some water? Or perhaps it’s that John Barnes trying to shift his Isotonic Lucozade Sport still boxed up in his front room since the early nineties. Don’t ever ask for a drink round his place. No John, I want a cup of tea. I don’t care how fast it gets to my thirst.

Callum Davenport is the only other half decent centre half and after a kick to the face of his own, he had to play the whole of the Villa game like this…

…I love his tough proud look there. That’s the face of commitment.

Actually, I’m quite pleased he broke his nose. Now we know what he’s made of and he’ll care a lot less about losing his looks next time. The uglier you get the better defender you can be. You haven’t done your job right if by the end of your career your features aren’t spread at random over your visage. Look…

 

 

 

 

…what you didn’t know that ‘Girl with dark hair’ played for Malaga? The Masher of Malaga she was known as. She set a La Liga record of 56 red cards over the course of a single season (often she would refuse to leave the field of play first time), including one given before the game began when in the warm up she accused the Valencia coach of ‘looking at me wrong’ and proceeded to batter his skull with one of the referee’s assistants.

Have you ever notice that all boxers start to look like Steve Bruce? It’s some sort of law of Biology. The more you punch something, the more Bruce-like it becomes

Anyway, looks like Baby Face Tony Gardener will get himself a game and fingers crossed on one of the other three to make some sort of recovery otherwise some academy kid is going to get the shock of his young life.

‘Yes, you had a good game against the Watford reserves the other night. We think you’re ready to play in a UEFA Cup game in Istanbul. Oh and those chimpanzee noises they make…um…yes…they’re just very big Artic Monkey fans. Oh and don’t forget your protective vest on the way out. Just a precaution you understand.’

To add injury to injury, well actually injury to injury, injury and injury, Hossam Ghaly’s out for probably a fair old while with a hamstring problem. Shame because he was looking good. Thankfully, little Aaron came through Saturday’s game unscathed so at least we’re covered on the right but with Tainio still out as well, we’re starting to get spread a little thin.

All idle hours to be spent willing good vibes to the bodies on the Spurs treatment tables. I’ll be checking the air waves for your support.

Positive mental bagels.

The Bagel.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 17th, 2006 at 1:06 pm and is filed under Bagel News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.