Beef Bagel

Don’t know if it’s the internationals or that every journalist is on holiday after the transfer flurry but newswise, it’s quiet as a mouse out there; quieter in fact. It’s more like the sound made by a black belt 3rd dan ninja mouse, stealthing about in his brand new cotton wool slippers that leave no prints. And what’s more, you lot are quiet. I know you’re out there, I can feel you reading. Where are all the song suggestions? Huh? Where’s the craft? Where’s the witt? But most importantly, where’s the love?Here’s a little encouragement for you. How about this for a Lennon song:

(To the theme tune of the old ‘Flipper’ show. You know kids & dolphins; that one.)

“They call him Aaron Lennon,
Faster than lightening,
No one, you see,
Is faster than he,
And we know Aaron lives in a world full of Tottenham,
Just try and stop him
blah, blah, blah, blah…no idea. can’t think of the last line…”

Wait a minute. Here’s the theme…

http://www.kfcplainfield.com/sound/flipper.wav

Try to imagine a bunch of beer swilling football hooligans singing it rather than the sickly sweet satanic 50’s chorus they’ve got going on there. It can’t sound any more ridiculous than 5,000 grown men singing ‘I’m forever blowing bubbles’ or ‘Blue Moon’ for God’s sake. I’ll admit, the lyrics need some development but come on geezers, work with me here!

I await the flood of your suggestions.

So, on to the actual ‘news’ of the day and while we’re on the subject of little Flipper, I mean Lennon, we have a bit of a conundrum. MJ took Wayne Routledge under his large wing/arm/meathook before sending him out to the Cottage and said a little something like this:

‘Yeah, Wayne, you know, you have a big placesh, a very important placesh at thish football club. Even though I’m lending you to Chrish, you are alwaysh in my thoughtsh. Come round any day for a shmoke and a pancake. Edgar will be there. We’ll dishcuss Rembrandt over shoms coffee and shtroopwafles.

And I’m glad he said that because I firmly believe he’s right but I also firmly believe that Wayne Routledge will never start ahead of Aaron Lennon and if this carries on too much longer, he’s going to want out and we can’t stop him. So, The Bagel finds himself in said conundrum and no Vorderman to help him out. Either we hope Lennon picks up and injury, leaves the club or we accept that we sell Routledge.

I don’t like the taste of any of these options and the only possible way out is a rather long shot and that’s the ever dangling but tantalisingly out of reach carrot of Champions League football. We get that, we get enough games to need to rotate the squad. If things carry on the way they are, we’re going to need it to keep Lennon anyway.

In case that’s not enough doom and gloom for you, there’s still the problem of the stadium and its general inaccessibility. There were reports that only 19,000 or so people made it to their seats in time for kick off in the Brazil vs. Wales game the other night. It’s possible that we can put this down to the Brazilians not being able to read English too well on the tickets and tube maps and the Welsh just not being able to read but that’s not really the point. Eventually, we’re going to need the place to be bigger, more accessible and far better connected.

I love the Lane. I love it dearly but I fear a day soon when we’re going to have to say goodbye to the old girl.

You know what? Don’t even listen to a word I’ve said. It’s late and I quaffed my last ale too long ago. The booze has run its course and taken my spirits with it. Who knows, we may even beat Man U on Saturday. That’d show a certain defecting Geordie, if he gets a start that is.

Bitter but fully baked.

The Bagel.

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