Bit Part Spur
Don’t know if it’s the internationals or that every journalist is on holiday after the transfer flurry but newswise, it’s quiet as a mouse out there; quieter in fact. It’s more like the sound made by a black belt 3rd dan ninja mouse, stealthing about in his brand new cotton wool slippers that leave no prints. And what’s more, you lot are quiet. I know you’re out there, I can feel you reading. Where are all the song suggestions? Huh? Where’s the craft? Where’s the witt? But most importantly, where’s the love?Here’s a little encouragement for you. How about this for a Lennon song:
(To the theme tune of the old ‘Flipper’ show. You know kids & dolphins; that one.)
“They call him Aaron Lennon,
Faster than lightening,
No one, you see,
Is faster than he,
And we know Aaron lives in a world full of Tottenham,
Just try and stop him
blah, blah, blah, blah…no idea. can’t think of the last line…”
Wait a minute. Here’s the theme…
http://www.kfcplainfield.com/sound/flipper.wav
Try to imagine a bunch of beer swilling football hooligans singing it rather than the sickly sweet satanic 50’s chorus they’ve got going on there. It can’t sound any more ridiculous than 5,000 grown men singing ‘I’m forever blowing bubbles’ or ‘Blue Moon’ for God’s sake. I’ll admit, the lyrics need some development but come on geezers, work with me here!
I await the flood of your suggestions.
So, on to the actual ‘news’ of the day and while we’re on the subject of little Flipper, I mean Lennon, we have a bit of a conundrum. MJ took Wayne Routledge under his large wing/arm/meathook before sending him out to the Cottage and said a little something like this:
‘Yeah, Wayne, you know, you have a big placesh, a very important placesh at thish football club. Even though I’m lending you to Chrish, you are alwaysh in my thoughtsh. Come round any day for a shmoke and a pancake. Edgar will be there. We’ll dishcuss Rembrandt over shoms coffee and shtroopwafles.
And I’m glad he said that because I firmly believe he’s right but I also firmly believe that Wayne Routledge will never start ahead of Aaron Lennon and if this carries on too much longer, he’s going to want out and we can’t stop him. So, The Bagel finds himself in said conundrum and no Vorderman to help him out. Either we hope Lennon picks up and injury, leaves the club or we accept that we sell Routledge.
I don’t like the taste of any of these options and the only possible way out is a rather long shot and that’s the ever dangling but tantalisingly out of reach carrot of Champions League football. We get that, we get enough games to need to rotate the squad. If things carry on the way they are, we’re going to need it to keep Lennon anyway.
In case that’s not enough doom and gloom for you, there’s still the problem of the stadium and its general inaccessibility. There were reports that only 19,000 or so people made it to their seats in time for kick off in the Brazil vs. Wales game the other night. It’s possible that we can put this down to the Brazilians not being able to read English too well on the tickets and tube maps and the Welsh just not being able to read but that’s not really the point. Eventually, we’re going to need the place to be bigger, more accessible and far better connected.
I love the Lane. I love it dearly but I fear a day soon when we’re going to have to say goodbye to the old girl.
You know what? Don’t even listen to a word I’ve said. It’s late and I quaffed my last ale too long ago. The booze has run its course and taken my spirits with it. Who knows, we may even beat Man U on Saturday. That’d show a certain defecting Geordie, if he gets a start that is.
Bitter but fully baked.
The Bagel.
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September 7th, 2006 at 10:32 am
Morning Beef,
Just got back from a long weekend in Lisbon (Pearl Jam were great, thanks for asking) and what do I find? The Bagel is clearing his throat and singing a few ditties ‘Pop Idol’ stylee.
Or should that be ‘Bagel Idol’?
‘Bagels in their eyes’?
‘Bagelvision Song Contest’?
Sorry… its the jet lag… honest…
September 7th, 2006 at 11:21 am
Glad to hear you fresh and inspired. Pearl Jam in Lisbon sounds like an excellent weekend.
They’re coming up with a few songs on the message board at Spursweb. Nothing solid as yet I don’t think but an excellent place to spread the word if we come up with any classics.
Anything of Ten you think we could adapt?
September 7th, 2006 at 3:01 pm
At the moment only Eddie Vedders ‘doom and gloom’ lyrics seem very fitting…
September 8th, 2006 at 11:39 am
Howzabout this:
(to the theme of Transformers)
“Mido!
He - ate - all - the - pies!
He’s Mido!
Just - look - at - his - big - thighs!
Tottenham wage their battle to destroy the evil forces of… The AR-SEN-AL!
He’s Mido!
Mido ate the pies..
He’s Mido!
Look at his big thighs!
etc.”
September 9th, 2006 at 10:17 am
The Bagel wants some 10?
How about this to the tune of “Jeremy” (nka “Edgar D”):
At home
winning matches
and scoring lots
We’ll be on top
Lennon you’re the one
thaaaaaaaanks to Edgar D
Dead lay in pools of maroon below
MJ didn’t give attention
oooh to the sight of Edgar’s crazy hair
King Edgar D the wicked
ruled his world
Edgar D schmokin’ grass today
Edgar D schmokin’ grass today
Clearly I remember
Spliffin’ with the boy
Seemed a harmless little fuck
oooh but we unleashed a lion
Gnashed his teeth
And bit the referee’s hairy chest
How could I forget?
and he hit one with a surprise left
defender dying
uugh leg wide open
Just like the day
his red card was deserved
MJ didn’t see the tackle
and the screams were something that Marty didn’t hear
King Edgar D the wicked
ruled his world
Edgar D schmokin’ grass today
Edgar D schmokin’ grass today
Try to forget this…
Try to erase this…
Try to forget this…
Try to erase this…
From the scoreboard.
September 11th, 2006 at 2:11 pm
Its not as good as Jules’ supreme effort above, but its a brave attempt, I feel…
To the tune of ‘Oceans’ from ‘Ten’ - imagine, if you will, the dimmed lights, the twanging bassline and Eddie Vedder singing…
Hold on to the ball
Possession will shift
Gliding towards…
Davids on the left
And we’re all allowed
To dream of the next
Oh, ohh the next, Berbatov…
Scores…
Scores…
Scores…
Scores…
We’re all at the Lane
Once again
Shots roll in my thoughts
Hold tight the ball…
The crowd will rise…
Waiting for Berbatov…
Oh, oh, oh, I will be there…
To see him score once more…
Score…
Score…
Score…
Score…
Uh huh, oh yeah…
Uh huh, oh yeah…
September 12th, 2006 at 2:38 pm
Wow! These are amazing! We need the words and a bouncing ball on the Jumbotron.