Spanish Bulls & Northern Monkeys
And there was I, hoping that we’d be getting Petrov (The Bulgarian one) (Martin) at a nice knockdown price. Two years ago, he was hailed as the new Stoichkov, a millstone hung around the necks of most promising Bulgarians. He scored 12 goals in 3O appearances for VFL Wolfsburg, not bad for a midfielder. He was bought by Athletico Madrid for £7m, rarely started and has scored only once in 36 games. So what’s the reported price tag for the man? Eight men in black suits and matching Ray Bans, handcuffed to attache cases containing a million pounds of non-sequential bills. That’s £8 million to you.
The reality of it is probably closer to a quite banal telegraphic transfer of funds from a Lloyds starter account, with free coin counter and piggy, to a Banko d’espagnol Junior Saver with miniature bull, allowing at least four days for the funds to clear. However you look at it, it’s still more than he cost and yet he’s an out of favour player, who didn’t meet their expectations. How did they work that one out? Has he matured like a good wine? Was he a sound investment in need of some minor structural work but located near to a well connected tube station with some lovely outside space? Ah, who cares any more? Let’s just buy the fucker. He’s got a left foot.
While Petrov (The Bulgarian one) (Martin)’s ability may be in doubt, we have a fresh rumour today concerning a player who’s Premiership credentials most certainly are not.
It seems The Bagel has a new fan. Ladies and Gentlemen, you may be unaware of it and to tell you the truth so was I until I saw it myself this morning but please rise, put your hands together because we are in the virtual presence of the man who’s got no hair but we don’t care, Martin Jol, everybody.
‘Yeah, how doesh he know thish,’ your saying to yourself, aren’t you MJ? ‘Ish he tracking my IP addressh, doesh he have a web cam trained on me?’
No, Martin. The answer is simple. It is the fantastic news that you are interested in purchasing Luis Boa Morte, just as The Bagel suggested.
http://beefbagel.com/bagel/2006/07/transfers-transfers-transfers/
(See final paragraph)
He’s quick, he’s skillful, he scores goals, HE’S LEFT FOOTED, he can play up front or ON THE WING and he’s one of the only left wingers I see regularly getting past our full backs, whoever they have been. We’ll be lucky to get him and it’ll cost us a pretty penny because:
1) He’s contracted up to his eyeballs and
2) Selling him is akin to relegation for Chris Coleman.
In shah Allah, we will have a good lefty before the window closes. Glad you got busy reading Martin. Now get busy buying.
In more minor transfer news, unless your name is Marton Fulop or Micky Adams, our 3rd choice keeper is aching for a move to the club, where he was on loan throughout last season. He had a good run at Coventry, where he actually got to play, which must have been a rather refreshing change but since we’ve got European football this season we do need that third keeper. Poor little mite. It must be bad enough being the second string keeper.
Actually, speaking of which, I was lucky enough to be in a taxi in Prague driven by Radek Cerny’s best mate from school. When he told the name of his friend, for some reason, I heard ‘Grzegorz Rasiak’ and the journey nearly ended very differently, most likely to the tune of Pilsner soaked vomit in the back of the cab, an attempted runner, followed by whatever the Czech for ‘a good shoeing’ is by a rank of vodka and dumpling fueled, burly Eastern Block cabbies, possibly called Vlad. They’d probably do it just to keep warm.
Have any friend of player stories yourself? Or any actual player stories come to think of it. Oh, I’ve got a Teddy Sheringham one but I’ll save that for another bagel.
The last story of the day aside my amusement at this comment on some Blades website when they got wind of our interest in Nicky Law (see yesterday’s bagel):
“Incidentally Nicky Law is the son of former Chesterfield, Bradford City and Grimsby Town manager… Nicky Law.”
Northerners. Imaginative bunch. They probably didn’t see the practical implications of that one until it was too late. ‘Well, why botha,’ they probably thought, ‘mek it easier, wooden tit?’ Mmmm…wooden tits…
Anyway, as I was saying, the last story isn’t so much of a story as an ‘Oh my God, the season starts tomorrow!’
Can the mighty Yid Army prove to one and all that last season was more than just a flash in the pan? Can our heroes XI take our hopes one step further? Will the brave Lillywhites take all 3 points from a difficult first fixture, stand loud and proud to the whole footballing community and declare, ‘We are Tottenham. Hear us roar!’ By God, I hope so.
Find out tomorrow for yourselves at 5.15 on Prem Plus or tune in for the next exciting episode of Beef Bagel.
May The Bagel be with us…always.
The Bagel.
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