Beef Bagel

Well, what an exciting day; a bunch of fresh transfer rumours, team news and to cap it all off a UEFA Cup draw. It’s all go.

Having said that, my bubble has been slightly burst by news from my honourable friend, Smart, from the only other blog worth reading , do have a look, that we are not seeded for the draw, meaning that are options are either:

• Bayer 04 Leverkusen (GER)
• Club Brugge KV (BEL)
• SK Slavia Praha (CZE)
• FK Partizan (SCG)
• FC Dinamo Bucuresti (ROU)

Not particularly good however you look at it. All of them have got some CL experience, as far as I’m aware but I think the ones we’d most like to avoid will be Leverkusen. As much as anything else, I hear the town’s a dump; the centre of Germany’s chemical industry. Mmmmm…picturesque.

The real insult here is that Blackburn have been seeded above us. Nations have gone to war for less.

Poor old Wisla Plock never made it through in the end. Pint duly owed Mr.Smart. I’ll buy you one on the away leg. Got a feeling we’ll know exactly where and what make of beer by the end of this post.

A draw like this could end our European adventures as soon as they’ve started. We’re a good side but we wont know how good until it’s too late. We’ve been linked with a host of players today and frankly, I’m thinking buy them all and worry later. We can sell the ones we don’t use in January.

Hang on… breathe…… slowly…….. controlled……… in…….. out……………………….. and relax.

That’s better. Brown paper bag down. Panic over. I’m sure we’ll be fine. Here are today’s lucky contenders.

Let’s get the dull one out of the way first. I’ll keep it as brief as I can. £9m offered for Downing. stop. Instantly rejected. stop. Wish this one would. stop.

Next is the unlikely one. Vicenzo Grella, heard of him? No, me neither. He’s an Aussie. That’s right, you heard me a dinky dye, shazwozzing Australian. I’m guessing he’s got an Italian dad. He plays out in Parma. He’s got a nice Italian wife he met whilst shoe shopping. Here’s his head…

…complete with sticky outy tongue.

Vinnie, as he’s known back home, is a midfielder, doesn’t appear to be a winger and isn’t really likely to leave his second and his missus’ first home. Combine this with the question, ‘Do we really want a player that didn’t make the starting XI for the Australian National side in Germany?’ and the fact that I can only see one report on this rumour and I think you’ve got yourself an answer on this one. Next.

Now for the exciting one. Julio Cesar Pereira Baptista or just plain old Baptista to you and I. This man needs very little introduction. Brazilian, more or less enough said and somewhere between an attacking midfielder and a striker. The man affectionately known in Spain as ‘The Beast’ or in Brazil as ‘El Autro Sam Allardyce’ is six foot tall and about the same across. I’m not going to show you his head firstly, because you know it and secondly because I don’t think I can fit it on the page.

Ourselves and stadium hopping neighbours were linked with Brazilian big ‘un a season or so ago before he moved from Sevilla to Real. He himself is very happy at Madrid, despite being more or less assured that he has very little future there. So how can we tempt him to London? Wonga. He’s on £20,000 a week at the mo and our top earners get pretty much double that.

It’s hard to say whether he’d fancy it or not or come to think of it, whether we would. There’s a good chance he’d bust our transfer record and although highly rated, he’s not quite what we’re in need of right now. His best role is not as the big man striker but he could provide a little welcome competition for JJ, a lot of strength in the box and strike fear into the hearts of our opposition. Also, I love idea of our supporters donning goaty leggings, 666’s and horns in his honour.

Next up we have the one that everyone is talking about and today that’s Mr. Hatem Ben Arfa. Now, this man, well 19 year old, is a left winger and we’ve been after him before. Here’s his head…

…and someone about to eat it.

He plies his trade on a very part time basis over at Houllier’s Olympique Lyonnais (Always sounded like food to me. ‘Yes and for my main, I’d like the Olympique Lyonnais with a side of potatoes gratin and lashings of ambrosia custard.)

He’s been looking for an out for a little while and as yet, the board over in France’s second city is ‘unsure’. I’m a little ‘unsure’ myself as to what they mean by that but their president says that we’ve been piling on the pressure. Nice to hear.

The Tunisian born French U18 international is the quick kind of winger and could be just the ticket. As much as anything, I’m looking forward to a whole bunch of people thinking his name is Arthur. The Bagel’s got a good feeling about this one. I feel it in my mustard.

Last but not least we have the one who’s linked with the world, his wife, her chihuahua and the diamond studded collar that adorns it’s little neck. Today that’s the out of favour Steed Malbranque. I’ve always liked the man and always heeded carefully the words of Sean Davies, when asked who the most skillful player he’s ever played with was. His answer, ‘Either Steed Malbranque or Robbie Keane.’ Perhaps we can have a team of Robbie Keane after all.

The only other news of interest is the build up to tomorrow’s game against the not so good scousers. We usually beat them. Let’s hope tomorrow is no different. The only downer is that we may well be without the services of JJ and Andy Garcia. As well as leaving us without a big man striker, it will mean changing my fantasy football team. Expect to see Lee Barnard on the bench.

And the winner is….Slavia Prague

See you in Czech.

The Bagel

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