Beef Bagel

So, this is it. This appears to be the last stand. United have bid what they say is their final offer. They won’t cough up any more than the £17m to £20m in hard cash that’s believed to have been emptied onto a table from an attache case under the dim spotlight of a room close to the centre of the earth. It’s a lot of money and a fair offer, although it’s probably in some sort of annoying format, like dollars or Scottish pound notes. Either way you can bet it’ll be hard to spend down at your local Spar.

In a similar room in a similar subterranean location another attache case is being emptied, although this time the case is emblazened with the new style cockerel and it’s as stuffed full of money as it has ever been. Our final bribe is to make Michael Carrick top earner at the club and level with Ledley King on 45 big ‘uns a week. I think we can safely say that if he doesn’t go for this, he just doesn’t want to stay at the club. What’s he going to do with all that money anyway, apart from buy a nice new set of diamond encrusted golf clubs and develop a healthy gambling habit? However you look at it this seems to be the last throw of the dice.

Not content with the stress this causes the Bagel and other Spursaholics anonymous, the man with more burst capillaries than skin is seeking to raise my systolic even further with yet another bid for yet another of our ‘don’t you dare touch them’ in form players. The eve of the Horse’s Old Trafford bolt brings an up in the ante for Jermain Defoe. The little Yiddo’s having an excellent pre-season with some trademark top corner strikes and now they’re offering £12m Glazer bucks. He’s looking too good to lose right now. Come on Spurs, stay strong. Keep our boys safe. Stay on target.

The positive news is that Droopy Redknapp has dropped out of the Sorin Wars, leaving ourselves the only real team that can tempt him away from a nice cup of tea and an afternoon snooze up in Bolton. Better still, ‘Boro can get a taste of what we’re going through as we prepare another bid for Peg Leg Downing and his solitary kicking foot. ‘Ahhh but what a foot,’ you say and you’d be right…er…left…er…yeah.

Whoever it is, let’s just get another lefty; just one.

Smoke me a kipper. I’ll be back for Bagel.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 26th, 2006 at 2:12 pm and is filed under Bagel News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.