Beef Bagel

Who is it? Me, and I’ve appointed the Bagel as my new assistant! We’re a so solid crew, we know just what to do, and we never stop work to drink tea.

No, seriously, it has to be Harry and cry God for Harry, England and St George! No, that’s Henry V – we’ll keep him, England can’t have him even if he’s better than Capello. Now I chose this heading before today’s result but I still think it’s the only serious choice. I think in November, or since his arrival, it’s 7 wins in all competitions, 1 draw and 2 defeats. Yes, I’m disappointed by today’s result, but wasn’t confident about 3 points since Everton are a bit of an awkward squad and their away form almost matches Chelsea’s. So, it’s back to hard work – top 10 is still achievable but I’m not putting money on it – and again, midfield, where were you – not scoring as usual!

Of course, you are all waiting for me to reveal the best goal you’ve seen (rules are it has to be by a Spurs player which counts out Pele and Maradona). Who could it be – Gazza, Villa, Lineker, Clive Allen, Les Allen, John Duncan, Chris Armstrong (a winner against Arsenal), Martin Chivers, Garth Crooks, Steve Archibald, Stefan Iversen, Waddle, Ginola, Berbatov, Keane, Chris Jones, Gilzean, Hoddle – so many to choose from? What about Ardiles – the winner in an FA Cup replay at Manchester United in the 70s? It could be Alfie Conn (another genius, for those who had the privilege to see him play), saving Spurs from relegation with a hat-trick and a few others (‘Bye, Bye, Chelsea, Chelsea Goodbye’ – relegated instead - to the Bay City Rollers song) in the 70s. I think it has to be Pedro Mendes, against United away to win the match a couple of years ago – we’ll get that reinstated one day and the extra 2 points that would have taken us into the Champions League or UEFA Cup – one of the two.

No, you knew all along, it was Jimmy Greaves (I saw his debut at WHL) in 1969 against Leicester City! There’s some stuff on Google about it, anyone who was there would probably say the same and it featured on the covers of programmes the season after showing defenders on their knees looking back and Greaves about to pass it into the net having taken it past Peter Shilton (no mug).

People think it wasn’t on film or tape. It’s true there were no TV cameras there that day, but there was a small film camera on the camera gantry and it may be on film somewhere – if it is, it needs to be found, however grainy! I guess Spurs club historians may know who was on the gantry that day or who could have been there apart from TV. I trust they filmed that bit? He collected the ball on the right wing from a high goal kick out of the hands – Pat Jennings – and waltzed his way past several defenders and Shilton. There was a standing ovation and the noise did not subside for about 5 minutes which is quite something? A bit like comic book stuff, but really the stuff of genius – maybe Jim will recount it one day.

The Platzel.

I feel better now – I guess we all do? Just what we needed. Hi there, pop pickers (blimey, you’re showing your age!), da, da, da, da-da, da, Spurs are up 4 places to 15^th…and we’ve gained ground on the top 4, and scored 100% more than they could muster between them this weekend. Ha, ha, ha.

Now, did you spot the Bagel at today’s game cos it’s been rumoured that he was there? Thank goodness for that because I understand he was back in the country before the Fulham game so his losing run continued. Anyway, for his benefit (and Bale’s), you win a game when you have scored more than the opposition when the game finishes – get it?

A bit shaky in the end but they got there. What more is there to say? Why yeast – well, yeast helps the bread rise and maybe Spurs as well.

A busier week to come and we’re looking for a strong finish to the month – shame about the blip in the middle.

I can give you loads of memories from earlier days, but we’ll have time for that another day. For starters, what’s the best goal you ever saw…I’m going to need support from some older customers to see it my way?

By the way, for those of you who spotted the deliberate mistake, it wasn’t ‘Along came Joe’ from Showboat – it was ‘Along came Bill’ – that must have been Bill Nick!

The Platzel.

Oh well, I’m awake now. I shouldn’t have tempted fate, but manager of the month is still possible.

I’ve been having a very strange dream. I’ve been in a parallel world where Spurs win most of their matches and never lose? That doesn’t happen in the real world, well not yet.

I’ve just had some Credit Crunch for breakfast and thought I’d better bring things up to date. I think the Bagel will be home soon and since it seems like they can lose when he’s away, all is forgiven. I didn’t mean any of those things I said, even if he is a bit of a smoothie (you know ‘shiny’).

In the real world, Spurs lost again to an ordinary team, Fulham, who work hard – in fact half the team are ex-Spurs players so probably had a point to prove. I was pretty flat yesterday since this was a match that should have been won and that’s now 7 league defeats. Anything is possible, but maybe we should forget a top 10 finish – that should have happened last season and didn’t. In the parallel world the players can eat all they want, but they used to have to half starve. I think they looked a bit too well fed yesterday and there wasn’t enough hunger – the bakery’s closed to you! More effort please. Yes, I know Big Bird couldn’t fly again, but when that happens (pretty regularly) we need more goals and they weren’t looking likely yesterday. Strikers have scored most, so where were you midfield – please show up.

Anyway, on the bright side, we’re still in all competitions we entered - unlike some of the big 4 - and there’s still hope, but we need to start winning the winnable games because they don’t come along every week – again not yet. I don’t want to be here in March and April, please.

I like the look of the proposed new stadium – can’t see where the money’s coming from? Maybe Daniel can have a word with Brown and Darling because it is in the national interest and we couldn’t let a famous institution go under, could we?

The Platzel.

Would you Adam and Eve it? We’ll have to wake up some day, but not yet, please.

City and Liverpool twice – that hasn’t happened for many years.

Maybe he’s done enough for Manager of the Month and we’re only halfway through – even if we lost the rest, which we won’t.

This is going to be a real test – should we let the Bagel back into the country soon or should we deport him for good? Remember, it’s your votes that really count.

I can write these blogs, but I’ll have to rely on others for match reports because I have to spend a lot of time in the bakery – baking, of course. Then there’s the sweeping up, as well – poor old Cinders.

I agree with many of you – we shouldn’t get carried away. We’re certainly not the finished article yet by a long way and there’s still a long season ahead. We want all the competitions as well, because the Carling Cup might still be the easiest way into Europe and we like being there.

Poor old or little Heurelho! Hope he’s OK, but e’s still learning to fly and his wings are still developing. He’s not making things any easier for us than it was last season. I like clean sheets and not just in bed.

While we’re offering our sympathy, poor old Chelseasick – ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

We’ve got some new songs out now. ‘Harree, Harree, Harree, Harree, born is the King of White Hart Lane’ and ‘Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry…’ to the tune of ‘Ruby’. What about ‘Joe’- ‘and then along came Joe, an ordinary guy…’ – oh, you won’t remember that one, it’s in Showboat!

I guess that’s enough for now…would anyone like a Cottage Loaf for Saturday?

The Platzel.

You see all it needed was a new baker and we’re in business! I know how much you all loved the Bagel but he started cutting corners. Not easy with a bagel, because after that there’s not much left – especially after I punched a hole in him! Now you can’t cut corners with a platzel, otherwise it’s not a platzel.

Now to simple things like football – you have to pick the right team first. I told him to pick Big Tom and it’s worked. That was an important change. What’s more important is that however much better he gets in the future, we hang on to him – we are not a nursery for the top 4! Then you have to motivate them and at the moment it’s working. No more over the top congratulations, please. That happened after the Carling Cup and the celebrations were out of proportion. One small job done and then bigger ones came up and the jobs were not done! Let’s get it right now for the long-term and the new stadium plans are also encouraging.

It’s been a fantastic fortnight – wins against Bolton, Liverpool and Dinamo Zagreb and a draw against Arsenal, away.

We rose like a rocket to 18^th only to settle back down at the rear. So, now we’ve got to start all over again – 2 more wins would be nice.

We’re appointing a big coaching team – let’s hope we’ve got enough money to pay them because there seems to be a limit on transfer money?

So far, so good but it’s still early days. Let’s see where this takes us for now and don’t forget the long term – we want a bright future and to join the big boys!

The Platzel

28th October 2008

Well when I went to bed, I’d even not been aware that the clocks were going back until my wife (LP – geddit?) told me.

So when the alarm went off an hour early – yes even Sundays in the bakery don’t allow a late start – and one of the news headlines said that Spurs had sacked their manager, I thought I was dreaming? Then I thought they mean Comolli – although he’s gawn as well – but no, they said Ramos! I thought no, not again, so who’s taking the team this afternoon – me? Levy’s broom is as good as a bakery broom!

Then we heard it was Harry Houdini, the great escapologist, - no, ‘Arry Redknapp. I saw him play as well – he wasn’t as good as Jamie, who wasn’t that great anyway, but at least he didn’t have any pretensions. Now, I think about it, I guess Lampard’s coming our way – junior, I mean!

My next thoughts were look if we don’t escape relegation – that is a possibility, until all the games are finished – what are we going to do, sack him?

We just want some stability and don’t want a new manager every year! Daniel has written us a lovely letter and it needs some time to reply. There’s some reasonable stuff in it and some tripe! For now, I’ll just say I think there are 3 models of running a club. Stability – United and Arsenal with long-serving managers, who didn’t have immediate success. The alternative is to have fabulous wealth where the manager can often get it right because of limitless talent – Blackburn, Chelsea for now, maybe others in the future? Liverpool are in-between. Spurs have a 3^rd type – a publicly quoted company who can’t seem to spend beyond their means, but seem to have no managerial stability? The jury’s out as to whether this can ever be successful or maybe they’ll have to sell out to get a bigger sugar-daddy or someone with more patience?

You may be interested to hear that this morning there was a fight in the bakery! There I was mixing, proving and baking, and who do I find in there but the Bagel! He’s supposed to be on a sabbatical and is interfering in the bakery. I wasn’t standing for it, I’ve got a little bit more substance to me, so I punched a hole right through his middle – that’ll teach him, even if you do love him!

So, to the important business of the day. The clocks have gone back, floodlights are on and Spurs have started their season by winning against Bolton (I’ve seen the jokes about the little girl who wanted to escape being beaten at home by going to Spurs because they don’t beat anyone). I’m pleased of course, but not elated since this should have happened about 2 months ago. Oh well, better late than never and well done one and all! However, just remember this is where the hard work starts not ends. Now, we’re motoring up the table and taking slightly closer order in last place!

It’s a start, but ‘Arry’s still under water and he hasn’t even got his strait jacket off yet!

We’re all holding our breath.

The Platzel.