Beef Bagel

This is ridiculous.

11.47am - Tottenham Hotspur FC official site

Bostock Joins Club! (I added the !)

We are delighted to announce that we have reached agreement with John Bostock to join the Club.

Then some background blurb that we already know and in not nearly enough detail. Then some words from our sponsor Mr It’s my make or break summer, Damien Comolli. He said:

“We are very pleased that John has decided to join us. We know he has the talent but we also know he is only 16 and so we will not rush him. He will have time to develop and will be working within a very talented development squad.”

(more…)

Rather tricky to know where to start today. Ah yes, I know. Last night as I prepared my last minute-reduced, oven cook chicken with sausage stuffing Sainsbury’s ready-meal (I wouldn’t recommend it by the way) and steamed carrot for one in preparation for the England vs US friendly in place of the Apprentice, I had some words echoing around my head, “…until tonight when you have your asses handed to you”. I think it ran something like that. Hang on, let me check…

…oh no, I’m wrong it was:

“Enjoy getting your national ass handed to you by Team USA at Wembley tomorrow.” as written by America.

(more…)

So come on then, let’s get all defensive. Yep, looks like we’re inches away from two electric, young lefties. Giovanni Dos Santos, or Johnny Two Saints as he’s be known over here, is in the mood for some Ramos tutelage for around £12.5m despite persuasion from West London and Diego Capel would seemingly be ours if we didn’t drive such a bloody hard bargain. Word has it the deals all kushte apart from the 2.5m euro tax bill that we’d like to split with Sevilla. Next thing you know, we’re going to start getting other clubs to pay for the flights and any overweight luggage too.

(more…)

I don’t think I’ve ever known the transfer season to move so damn quickly. We’ve got more links than a seaside golf course, so I’m going to have to talk about the stuff that’s looking genuine only - for now.

You’ll have to excuse me if I’m a little curt today. I’ve just been on the phone to Ikea, suffering the torture of the Greensleeves hold music only to be cut off twice when I was trying to give me order number. There’s nothing quite like the feeling of screaming obscenities down the phone at someone going, “Hello? Hello? Is there anyone there?”, particularly when you forget you’re in a quiet office. I’m getting some slightly frightened looks.

Now, the rumour that’s got me all a-twitter is the resurfacing of the one from Christmas over Lyon’s Brazilian striker, Dave. The 24-year-old big man striker looks like a reasonable, if likely expensive and probably not as good, replacement for Dimitar the Great and may well even come with the sulky attitude to match. All we have to do is stick a wig on his head tied up with a shoelace and no one will even notice.

(more…)

I had to get the gag in one more time as it now looks pretty certain that Catalonia’s favourite Cameroonian will be heading to Inter in the coming weeks and not the sunny climes of N17.

The cover is that we wouldn’t offer the £120,000 per week he wanted despite matching his Barcelona deal of £107,000. Admittedly, Barca pay him a bonus as well but who’s really going to quibble about £13,000 when we’re already talking five figures? No, the real story lies in that he doesn’t want to come to us. Probably due to the fact that Inter were crowned Serie A champions for the third year in a row the other day and have CL football, whereas we were mucking about in mid-table when it all finished and have only the UEFA Cup and Luka Modric to to drag in to any negotiations we enter.

The poor guy must dread every rumour in the papers. “Luka!” Comolli shouts. “I know,” comes the tired reply in Croatian accent, “get my passport.”

(more…)

With Eto’o watch’h relatively silent today, save a mafioso speech from Barca president Joan Laport, we can take a moment to look at a few other bods elsewhere. But while on it, listen to this on the future of the Cameroonian striker and Ronaldinho as well…

“Ronaldinho needs new challenges and it’s normal that when a cycle ends the most emblematic people from that cycle leave. I’d like him to go like Frank (Rijkaard), with his head held high, because he has given us so many glorious moments.”

“Eto’o is a player who is loyal to the club colours, who gives so much and who makes you love him. He has also been one of the most emblematic players of this cycle and if he has to go then he deserves to do so with his head held high too, and with honour.”

(more…)

You just can’t really escape it. It’s all about Samuel’l Eto’o for Tottenham Hotspur right now. I’m quite impressed that the story manages to creep on day by day with enough gold uncovered for another few column inches every 24 hours.

Today’s chapter, well actually today we get two chapters. The first is that General Levy has bowled on into Barcelona and slapped 24 million footy bucks onto the table, just £3m short of what the Catalan club have been asking for. In football terms, that’s a deal and a full £8m more than Eto’o’s other suitors’s, the Milan Brothers, have offered.

(more…)

We still own him. It’s so miserably depressing. If I were American, I’d talk about a bad penny that always turns up but the way I see it, Hossam Boutros Boutros Ghaly is more like Tutankhamun’s curse. We dug the fucker up and now we can’t get rid of him.

To begin with Box Head Paul Jewell was pleased to have the mardy ‘Gypo on loan and hoped he’d eventually sign. Of course, a few months and backstage temper tantrums later and the Derby gaffer’s tune has changed to a wonderfully understated…

“Hossam has played his last game for us now, I think, and we will be looking elsewhere.”

I imagine he splintered a few teeth gritting them through those words.

So, what do we do with the useless midfielder? Just like West Ham and their £3m golden handshake offers, we could try to cut our losses by doing the same or perhaps using the money we’d spend on Ghaly’s wages to hire a hitman? Christ, I’m sure we could find a bloke and monkey wrench on the High Road who’d do the for a couple of seats in the East Upper.

(more…)

Apologies for not finishing the match report yesterday. It’s been a long season for us all and like the team, it seems I faded away at the end. Now, I was going to finish it in my precious hour today but how could I possibly when the transfer window has opened with such a bang that the glass has shattered and they’ll need these next three months to fight the flow of players diving in and out before they can seal it up again? So, Cerny. Gone. Like a rat out of an aqueduct. Voom! Off to QPR and a Hoop he shall be. Good place to go and I think we’ve all done very well out that bit of business.

The Czech Republic No.2 made a pretty good show of it on Sunday under a some heavy Liverpool fire. We could have done a lot worse for a second string keeper and he never once complained, always clapping the fans as he warmed up at half time. Nice guy good attitude. Good luck Radek.

(more…)

It was difficult to get as excited about the game as I had been. Heading back to the Bakery on a burning hot, cloudless afternoon, suffering the exit wounds of a night on the sauce was tricky enough but all I could think about what a difficult weekend it had been for LB and I. That and my feet as every step dug into my flip-flop sores, reopening the wounds where blisters had blistered. Every thought was a wince; the build up to the party the night before; the shifting of my feet in the previously unworn Reef, camouflage, bottle-opener sandals I had meant to take off two days earlier; the irritation with which we both treated one another; the flip-flops rubbing against the same old spots; trying to get ready for trek across London we were both too tired to make; trying to tread lightly on the balls of my feet; the hell of the journey - the arsey taxi driver, no beer, not knowing the address, the internet broken; the blood soaking into the toe divider. I stopped being able to feel it all. It all became the numbness of the day before work and the day we’d lose our most gifted player.

(more…)