It’s going to be a hell of an ask this evening but fuck me doesn’t that just make it all the more exciting? Anything is possible from now until that 90 minutes is up if we’re all as charged as this, how do you think the players feel? Just listen to this lot:
Well, it had to happen eventually. It’s taken 5 months, 10 days and 11 and a half hours but finally Neil Warnock has proved to be an itch in The Bagel’s hole. Yes, he’s right royally nobbed me off. Shame really, I was quite enjoying his candor.
“The problem Michael had at Spurs was that they wanted too many big name players,” said the qualified chiropodist and referee, the “Michael” in question being Brown (in name rather than colour; it’s not a race thing, nor Wes’ middle name).
“I think he was good enough, but didn’t really get the opportunities. The board wanted ‘names’ who I don’t think were as good as Michael anyway.”
Apologies once again for being AWOL on Thursday but I simply…well, I think you got the message. Naturally, we weren’t exactly feeling full of beans first thing the morrow after as the filthbags snatched a draw from the jaws of defeat but The Bagel wrote no official match report for once good reason. Why write up the game when we’ve only reached half time? There’s plenty of drama as yet to unfold but more on that nearer the time.
Apologies for not being here today, but I simply haven’t had the time.
After such a big match up, so much drama, but I simply haven’t had the time.
An astounding first half, a fight like lions, the crowd in a voice as one, but I simply haven’t had the time.
This is the big one. The shake down. The pay off. Tonight, my friends, we take on the Devil himself. For we have sat in the Carling Cup pentagram. We have won the Royal Rumble. We have removed the pretenders and now we must light the candles, look into the mirror in the dead of night and repeat three times,
‘odeap a si regneW’
Who do you think’s got the most nervous smile?
Now, where was I? Oh yes, getting towards the tales with a distinctly whiffy aroma.
Next stop is Ronaldo of the non-Cristiano variety. The portly striker has basically run his course at Real Madrid or in his case probably jogged it, whilst licking a 99 with a flake. The three times world player of the year has reached the ripe old footballing age of 30 and seems to have lost the eye of the tiger somewhat. His ability is, of course, in absolutely no doubt but his shape and commitment is where there seems to be much to be desired and funnily enough, Madrid are not really in the mood to continue with a lazy, Brazilian lard arse, who costs them a whopping £96,000 per week.
With a moment to breathe between football games and only 9 days left of the window, I’m thinking it’s a good time to catch up on the moves, the shakes and the sizzling steaks that are the January transfer rumours. Starting with the most true and likely and working our way down to the steaming piles of horse shit, it goes a little like this…
We should be celebrating. I know I was. Grabbing a point at Craven Cottage is a clear indication that our away troubles are over. For the first time in five years we haven’t lost that fixture. Unfortunately, the actual performance was far from convincing and no Grzegorz Rasiak to blame this year. As if to rub salt into the wound, not that it’s much of a wound, more of graze. As if to rub salt into the graze, our worst signing in recent history was slotting home the winner not 3 miles away at Loftus Road.
Psssst! Hey, you. Red hot rumour from White Hart Lane. Had a chat with Big Man before the game began and the word on the street, well, the turnstyles, is that Calum Davenport’s been sold to West Ham for £3m. My tallest neighbour heard it from a steward. Don’t know how reliable these officials from the Lane are, particularly considering they spend 90 minutes with their backs to the game but this was all before it was announced that Baby Face Gardner was to start and there was no back up centre half on the bench. Seems like we’re ready to make some moves. The question is, who is the replacement going to be?
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